You have probably seen many of the funny memes from the famous team mafisi. The memes generally defend all sorts of players in a humorous way. So as a lady I decided that I shall point out the kind of fisis we mostly encounter because the reality is we know you all. This article basically talks about the fisis or rather players that we meet out there. Sometimes you have no clue that you are with a celebrity player meaning he is on top of his game and you are busy making plans for a house, babies etc. Nairobi is an interesting place and you will meet all kinds of guys trying to catch your attention.
1. The player:
DESCRIPTION: A player is a ladies man. We just love him in fact we will sometimes overlook his tactics. He knows what to say, when to say it as a matter of fact you may think he’s too good to be true (he is). He has more than one woman wrapped around his fingers and he’s got it all together.
LIKES: himself, women, intimacy, being the object of attention/ desire, winning, chasing girls.
DISLIKES: social media love as he could easily get caught.
1. Very meticulous with his dressing
2. Always keeps his phone on him and emphasizes privacy even though you have been together for ages.
3. Will never be the one to bring up relationship-related topics.
4. He either has fast cars or talks about owning big cars, houses.
5. Always have answers and excuses for everything.
6. His ultimate number 1 rule is to deny, deny, deny when asked about cheating.
7. Is a great flirt as he sweet talks you or butters you up.
8. He knows your body from the inside out and is very good in bed. Making you think you belong together so that you become loyal.
Common phrases: babe, sexy, princess, sexy, darling basically anything that teases you and keeps you on your toes is perfect. Sweet nothings are his culture.
2. Mr. Title:
Description: These kinds of players will have to let you know that they are well learned. I respect them for using their occupation as a starter.
LIKES: Talking about his job, when you ask questions about his job, himself a bit too much.
DISLIKES: When you are not impressed that he is a surgeon or defended a politician yesterday. When you start talking about your job too much because you need to remember he is more important in his head than yours is. So you need to shut it down as he plays this card.
1. Introduction made using a card and then insists on explaining where the building is.
2. Invites you to meet his colleagues then talks about his job half the time.
3. Talks about his salary and how it needs to be increased from half a million a month to a million then looks at you.
Common phrases: (They use their full title even before you ask them what they do.) I am doctor so and so, I am wakili (lawyer) so and so. If not they do not have a title then they use the company names. I work for Google although I need to earn more than now. Mind you these phrases come by even before you know his favourite meal.
Description: walk through town and you can’t miss them. These are the touts that are busy calling out for passengers and at the same time throwing you a wink. But at least the touts are doing something. The others are idlers who sit in an unoccupied area and start calling out to you as you walk by. They have a lot of catcalls that amuse them as you quickly hold on tight to your handbag and walk away. Some of them have a base and as they smoke, chew miraa etc they amuse themselves by harassing women.
LIKES: I am convinced they laugh out loud as they see you walk hurriedly in fear. Whether old or young they are the commentators of all women that pass by in Nairobi.
DISLIKES: When women respond back they will insult you and make you feel like sinking into the ground. They also get irritated if you don’t respond politely to their catcalls at least respond with a hi back, that’s what makes their day.
1. Have a ragged look.
2. Some are not necessarily on the streets but when you are busy at work they keep texting.
3. Pretend to be busy when they really aren’t.
4. Touts also known as Makanga’s are really known for their common phrases such as the ones below.
Common phrases: Niaje msupa (hi pretty), Umeiva madam, Leo ukosmart etc. If you decide not to look at them or sneer after they talk to you they go to insults. Una jiringa kwanini? (Why are you pretending or feeling all hot?). If you are light they’ll probably say things like eeh team light skin.
4. “Church boy”:
Description: When growing up I was told to always like church or Godly men. This was the case until I met a couple of fisis in the church. These ones use bible study and choir to pursue you. They will most likely know how many times you come to church and will work out a schedule for you. For the bad boys on these holy grounds, they may have a girl from the ushering team, choir, and bible study as well as the girl that he is trying to get to come to church more often.
LIKES: All church-related events, girls that are not know it all, will most likely try girls that seem to be very chilled and meek.
DISLIKES: He does not like girls that challenge him about his bad habits. I got on the wrong side of such a man in church. I asked him why I saw him in a club while he condemns it in church. That was five years ago, we no longer talk.
1. Most likely fresh from university or high school as he has a lot of time to always be in church activities.
2. Quite judgmental about your decisions. He will make sure to tell you about his popularity in church.
3. He will most likely encourage you to stick to your church activity as he stays all rounded. You surely cannot join bible study while the other one is there.
Common phrases: The Lord told me that you are the one, yes this I have also heard. Quotes from Solomon with marriage verses are constantly told. Funny thing is, we do not know how to question a well known righteous man, so we fall for it.
5. Sugar daddies aka sponsors
Description: One day as I was walking to the apartments I live in, I noticed something. A nice Mercedes had been parked on our parking lot, now you need to understand that this is a rare sight to see as most of us are startups either in university or fresh graduates. This man had brought Nakumatt to his young babe, basically endless bags of shopping. These are simply the responsibilities a sponsor has. This guy is likely to be driving and stop his car to tell you how beautiful you are or ask for your number. He entices young ladies with free rides in his car, then asks to buy the young girl lunch. It is a trap. You see this player tells you about his wife and three kids at home, or the ones who are almost clearing university in Boston. You simply know everything about him but he promises to take care of your needs.
LIKES: Young women, hanging around young people to feel younger and speaking wisely because he has been around for a while he can teach you a few things.
DISLIKES: Social media and questions from the young lady he is sponsoring.
a. Will talk about his new car and how much it costs.
b. Has a don’t care attitude because he has connections.
c. Will mention all the places he will take you, he prefers road trips as he wouldn’t want to be spotted with another girl as he is well known.
d. Will tell you about all the important people he knows or does business with. He will tell you how he is a bigwig.
Common phrase: Money is resting; I can buy you anything you want. Trust me a man has tried to woo me with that line.
6. Still a boy aka ManBoy
DESCRIPTION: He simply cannot fathom having a long term relationship. He is not emotionally or intellectually mature. The relationship is never really between you two because he needs to ask his boys first before he can get any more serious. He would rather play FIFA all day than meet you that you even try and learn the rules of the game so you may indulge him. He is simply not ready to be a man he is basically a Peter Pan Man.
LIKES: comic books, video games, porn, hanging out with his boys too much, chilling is for him, he prefers to be up and about.
DISLIKES: Responsibilities, requests, relationship questions as well as just chilling with you.
1. Lives at home or has moved in with you.
2. Does not have any stable income. He may be living off his rich parents who give him everything he wants including money.
3. Suddenly cancels his own plans and is lured to do whatever else is happening.
4. Has FOMO which is also known as fear of missing out; he would rather die than miss anything.
5. Procrastination is his friend as commitment is such a task for him.
a. My mum is my best friend.
b. I have spoken to my boys and they said…
c. I have not thought about this now can we talk about it later? Then he goes MIA.
d. Why do you have to be so serious all the time?
You have probably met other types of team mafisi. If we have missed out on any tell us in the comment section. Find out more about these guys here.
Vanessa Raychael is a young writer passionate about writing. She is a student at Daystar University. She has written for the People newspaper as a fiction writer and she also hosts a show in a gospel station known as Vision TV. During her spare time, she likes nature trails, spending time with friends and going for events. You can check out her work on her blog nochills.blogspot.com