“Bro, remember that chic I matched with on Tinder a while back? Well, I am meeting up with her next week for the first time”.
“Wait. I thought you said she was giving you multiple red flags. What changed your mind? You know what? Forget it, I already know, I have seen the pictures. You and these curvy women! This time you will literally die because of nyash!”
Bob and his best friend Charles were playing video games on a chilly Sunday afternoon. It was too dull to go clubbing and too close to Monday to go on any meaningful road trip.
The two had been friends since college and they got along very well because they were polar opposites. Bob was the silent, geeky and more introverted one and Charles was loud, fun and full of chaos. They offered a good balance for each other and would go on to build a successful importation business together that they run as co-managers.
On this particular Sunday, they were at Bob’s house which was in a nice newly built gated community where young men like himself were setting up with their beautiful wives and young children. He rarely participated in shared activities with his neighbours, but he saw them. He could see how fulfilled they looked playing, shopping and building their families. That was what he wanted, not the life Charles was constantly pushing on him.
“You have money, you can slither your way into most women’s lives! Tell me why you are out here behaving like the biggest simp in the world. Begging for love on the internet!”.
“What would you have me do? Have children with my exes from college and then cheat on those exes?”
“The problem with you is that when I try to steer you away from yourself, you get defensive and insulting. Leave my children alone!”
The senseless banter went on until it was time for Charles to go home, back to his promiscuous little life. For all the morals he lacked Charles was a great friend and sound businessman. It was his lust that he could never quite tame.
They shared a hug as Charles walked out to his car, leaving Bob on his driveway with his phone in hand and his hoodie covering most of his face. It was still quite chilly and all the houses in the estate were well lit even in the darkness.
Bob was walking back into his two-bedroom house when he felt a buzz from his phone. The caller ID read “Stacy”. It was the woman from Tinder. The one with enough curves to make a grown man shed a tear, the one Charles, of all people didn’t approve of.
“Hey Bob, you have been so silent today! I have missed you, babe. You know I am not used to staying this long without hearing from you.”
“I have missed you too, my buddy had visited but he just left. Let me get back inside and then we can switch to video call”.
“You want to see what I am wearing babe?”
“Sure, show me…”
“Well, there is nothing to show!”
“Why, what do you mean?”
Stacy switched to video call and Bob accepted the request to join the call. He almost dropped his phone. He nervously looked around him to make sure no one could see his reaction or the content of his screen.
“Babe! You need to give me a disclaimer first! I could have been in public!”
“Shut up and show me yours now!”
It had been easy for Bob to interact with women over the internet because he had always been shy. He was also autistic, so he struggled with communication skills especially when it came to talking to women. Before his relationship with Stacy, had only been in two other relationships; his high school girlfriend Wambui, to whom he lost his virginity in his grandfather’s granary and Daisy, his most recent ex who had not come to terms with his autism, causing serious strain on the relationship.
He liked Stacy though, mostly because she too, was autistic and she was attracted to him in ways other women had not been. They talked about sex and did sultry video calls. All this was new to him. He loved it.
They planned to meet on Valentine’s Day at Stacy’s house which was two hours’ drive from Bob’s. The long-awaited day finally arrived and Bob couldn’t wait to start the journey to his girlfriend. They had decided to make things official on New Year’s Eve when Bob finally said he loved her. Stacy said it back right away.
Bob pulled up in front of a huge metal gate, decorated with precision-cut wooden pieces. On both sides of the gate was a nicely trimmed fence that looked to be more for aesthetics than to keep unwanted people away. Bob could see a short driveway past the gate that led to a beautiful house. It had a white exterior and flowerpots had been hung uniformly around the house.
Stacy had mentioned that she lived alone in one of her parents’ houses. She rarely came out because she worked remotely and sometimes her best friend would come to visit her.
Bob pulled out his phone, his palms wet with sweat because he was so nervous. He dialled Stacy’s number to announce his arrival. Minutes later one of the doors to the house swung open and a brightly dressed woman skipped out, making her way down to the gate. Bob confirmed that the curves were indeed there, but they might have been slightly exaggerated. But she was so pretty, the camera did her a great injustice. But there was something else…
Seated comfortably on her right shoulder was a big lizard that was snuggling next to her ear. It was bright green and yellow, its claws were dark brown and sharp. Stacy had small bruises all over her neck and shoulders; this wasn’t the first time. The lizard had been here before.
“Hey babe! Finally, we meet! Thank you for driving all this way to see me. You are so handsome and tall!”
Bob was visibly startled, not by Stacy, but by her pet.
“Donald won’t bite, relax babe. He is a lovely friend, and you will like him too!”
“Hey Stacy, nice to meet you too…”
Noticing his awkwardness, Stacy put Donald on the ground and opened her arms wide towards Bob.
“Can I hug you please?”
“Uhm, yeah sure. It’s okay “
Though both of them had autism, it was clearly on a very different spectrum. While Bob was silent and socially awkward, Stacy was a ball of energy, fast-paced, and fast-talking. It was amazing the words she could let out in a single minute. Bob was used to her taking over the conversation. Charles had noted this as one of her many red flags.
“I thought you only had pet cats; I didn’t know you had a lizard too?”
“I had to keep some secrets for myself babe. I couldn’t just reveal everything to you all at once. That would have removed the thrill of you discovering these things for yourself. I have a tattoo of Donald somewhere on my body, you have seen almost all parts of this body but I bet you haven’t seen it. But don’t worry, I will show it to you later tonight when we finally become one…”
“So other pets do you have?”
“Two more lizards; Lucy and Krissy, a parrot and seven cats.”
“Seven?”
“Didn’t I mention this before? I thought I did!”
“No, you just said you had cats. I assumed they were two or three.”.
“Oh well, tomato tomato babe. Let’s go in. I will give a small tour of the house. Can I kiss you?”.
“In the house maybe?”.
“My shy baby boo boo”.
There was a smell in the house that made Bob’s eyes water immediately. He couldn’t say what the smell was. The couch was covered with cat fur of all colours. Then there was the noise from the parrot. The high-pitched “Come on, let’s go!” went on and on, it was insufferable. Bob wanted to make a run for it, but Stacy grabbed his hand and took him to the kitchen; it was reasonably quiet and clean. He let out a heavy breath, like a deep-sea diver coming up for air.
“What are the chances, babe? You have autism, I have it too and we found each other and fell in love.” Stacy said as she reached inside the fridge and pulled out a cake she had baked for Bob with the words “Bobby Love” written on it. They sat down in the kitchen to eat.
“Yes, I found it quite interesting too, when were you diagnosed?”
“When I was nine, my schoolteacher recommended that my parents take me to an assessment. I always felt different in class, other kids made fun of me, but my parents were always super supportive. I love them so much and now I love you too!”
“I love you too Stacy. The cake is delicious by the way. Thank you so much for going through all the trouble.”
“You are my boyfriend. I will be doing special things for you and maybe one day you will propose and we will get married.”
The cake eased Bob’s nerves and he got more comfortable with Stacy and the smell from the living room. They spent the next few hours sharing stories about how they had met, the movies they loved watching and what they loved about each other. It was now 9 PM and the dreaded time for Bob had come.
“It is time for me to give you the most special birthday present, Bobby Love.”
She grabbed him from behind, leading him to the long corridor of the house and into her bedroom. A stark contrast to the living room. It was neat and beautifully kept. The walls were painted a bright green, and the sheets were silky red with fluffy-looking pillows. There was an empty birdcage in one corner of the room and a huge mirror screwed above the bed on the ceiling. Bob’s eyes were still wandering and surveilling when he heard the door bang and the sound of metal clanking against each other. Stacy was holding handcuffs.
“What are those for?”
“Shh you don’t have to say a word, I will take care of you from now on. Undress and lie on the bed.”
Bob was confused but aroused at the same time. Stacy had dimmed the lights and started playing Bob Dylan tunes in the background. Stacy had mentioned how she enjoys bondage, but he had thought it was bondage on her, not him. Despite all her peculiarities, he still found her very attractive and wanted to share the intimate moment with her. So he obliged and did as he had been instructed.
“Happy Valentine’s Day babe. Tonight I will rock your world. You will never forget me after this. You love me, don’t you?”
“Yes babe, I do.“
His hands were cuffed to the headboard and his legs were tied to the footboard. He was now lying on the bed, in his boxer shorts all tied up. He was nervous but he was also excited.
Stacy went into the bathroom room and came back with a blindfold and a piece of fabric which she used to cover Bob’s mouth. He couldn’t see what was going on and could barely let out a word. He waited.
That night Bob was burnt with candle wax, his chest hair waxed, he was whipped several times and electrocuted. The things she did to him made him blush thinking about it. All for love.
The next morning, he left early and jumped into his car. The first number he dialed was Charles’s. He could barely speak because he was out of breath. Finally, he calmed himself down and said what he had waited to say since the cuffs and blindfolds were introduced.
“Bro, she has a million red flags, but I choose to be colourblind, Stacy is the one!”
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