I’ve always had a thing for dating older guys. Since I turned 18, I’ve dated men significantly older than me. I just get along better with older guys and I learn a lot from them. However, some people don’t understand that a young, attractive girl can be genuinely attracted to older guys without wanting money or gifts from them.
This has made my dating life hard since everyone assumes I’m a gold digger or a sugar baby. It’s also difficult to meet older men who want to have a relationship. So, I used to go out of my way to prove to everyone that they were real relationships. I’d organize dates, invite them out when I was with my friends, and even post them on my social media accounts. I’ve been pretty lucky to meet a few men who were always straight with me. However, there’s always that one guy who says he wants a relationship but just wants sex.
it was clear when I met Kim that he was only after sex from me. I was always the one reaching out and when he did contact me, it was to invite me to his place.
Don’t get me wrong. He was just as good as the other guys I had dated. He knew how to treat a woman showering me with gifts and compliments. Even when he invited me to his place, he made me feel welcomed and sure that I was comfortable. Nonetheless, it was never his idea to go on dates or vacations.
I put up with the relationship at first hoping that he would see that I wasn’t after money but nothing changed. Any time I’d sleep over, he’d leave a stack of cash on the counter and the key to the house with instructions to leave it with the security at the door.
“But you can stay if you want.” He’d always say.
The routine was the same every morning. I’d find a stack of cash on the kitchen counter with a key on top of it.
Whenever I’d stay over, I tried to do a few house chores so he would have a change of heart. I even started making dinner. However, he didn’t seem to care. Sure, he enjoyed a home-cooked meal but that’s all it was to him. He was pretty honest about what he wanted.
“You know I’m not looking for a relationship,” he said.
“I know. You’ve told me like 5 times.”
“Okay. You’re doing all these girlfriend things and dragging me to your friend’s occasions but I just want you to know that it’s not going to change anything.”
Yes, I was aware that he was simply looking for a young, sexy fuck mate but the way she pursued me made me think that he was interested in more. Kim and I met online on Tinder. Back then, Tinder was a bit safe. However, I was still not interested in meeting in person. We kept in touch for a month and he kept inviting me to dates that I’d always turn down.
Eventually, he decided to come to where I was. He drove all the way to the other side of Nairobi to meet me. I couldn’t turn him down and we met at one of the malls in the area. We had such a good time that we met two times in a span of a week. On the third date, I went home with him and spent the night. He had already told me that he wasn’t the relationship type and that he had a baby mama with two children. So, when I slept with him, I knew exactly what I was getting myself into.
It finally set in that he was only with me for sex when he gifted me a sex toy for my birthday. I was so confused since I had never seen one ever in my life. I knew I’d see all types of things while dating an older guy but I never expected someone to degrade me to that level. To him, I was a sex doll since a sex toy was the first thoughtful gift he had ever given me.
Even after spending months opening up to him and letting him in my world, he barely knew anything about me except the version he had of me. However, I was determined to have a relationship with him so I went along with all his fantasies. He seemed very excited about it but things got out of hand. I became his sex object. He’d buy me lingerie more than he’d buy me real clothes. I discovered he had a collection of sex toys that he’d use on me. What started as a fun way to spice things up in the bedroom ended up turning into something twisted.
I wasn’t able to change his mind since he was significantly older, richer, and more experienced than me. He convinced me that he was always right and that he knew how real life was – that our relationship was normal. I took the intervention of my friends to realize that this older guy was taking advantage of me.
“He’s buying me lingerie almost every other day.” I opened up to one of my close friends.
“Yeah. I’ve now become a full-blown sugar baby. All we do is have sex. We don’t go out anymore.”
“You need to tell him how you feel and if he still insists he doesn’t want a relationship, leave him. There are great guys out there who’d treat you with more respect.”
Of course, he maintained that he wasn’t into relationships and I ended things with him. The relationship made me question whether I wanted to date an older guy again. it’s all fun and games dating such guys until they use their power to manipulate you to do things you’re not comfortable with. However, I know that there are many great older guys so I haven’t completely given up on finding the perfect guy for me – older or not.
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