I met a man. A great man. A man who has respect and good manners. Remind me to thank his mama if I ever meet her. A man who has no baby mama stories hovering over his head and his wallet. A man who has a great body. A man who smells like the morning dew…. too fresh. A man who is good in bed. A man that I want to take to my mama so badly but… but ‘he does not want a relationship’. He wants to remain in the casual sex zone. Aaaarrggghh!!
Now, when you get this kind of man, whatever he says, you pretend to agree with, then you ask your friends the easiest way to get him to ‘be in a relationship. The fastest and most convenient way to get him into the box, or the prison’
After a month with him, I decided to do things and say things that insinuate that we are together. Now, this great man is also a very intelligent man. While I was thinking that I was getting him into some box, he was putting me into some box that made me think my magic was working.
Now, ladies, I need to share with you 5 things this man said to me, to make me think ‘tuko pamoja’
You will meet my friend
The conversation starts ‘Oh, I was with Mike. My boy from college. You will meet him soon’ Now, this is music to a girl’s ears. This Mr. No relationship is making baby steps by introducing me to his close friend. Or so I thought.
Guys know how to work a woman’s psychology. No introduction to any of his friends and we are in month three.
We need a holiday
A vacation with your man means 20 steps forward. Now, I don’t know why Mister No Relationship could not say ‘I need a holiday but to involve me in that statement is pure heartbreak. I started thinking of myself in a bikini, not letting my IG breathe with captions like #LifesABeach #BaeTings. No mention of that anymore.
I will bring you here
You miss him and call him to find out what’s his plan for the day. The conversation starts with “what are you up to?’
HIM: “I am having Koroga with my friends in Parklands. Such a nice place. I should bring you here.” Tell me that statement does not move you from shagmate to girlfriend… well, at least in your mind.
What are we doing this weekend?
Now, we know that this statement is for girls who are in the girlfriend zone. This statement gets you going. You start thinking of the many things you have wanted to do with a bae on a weekend. Maybe lunch, a drive, church on Sunday, or lunch with some friends….right? But then you remember this is the same guy who does not want to be in a relationship. So what’s going on?
I will make you dinner at my house
Game over. When a man says that, know you are on your way to the girlfriend zone. For a man to make you dinner, he has to really value you and respect you. Thoughts ran through my mind of how I would behave. How we will be whipping things in the kitchen together, as we make jokes about anything and everything. Oh, I am still here fantasizing.
Well, month three is here, and none of the above has happened. He played me good. He is a smart man. A complicated lover. A ladies’ man. A man who knows how to play with women’s psychology. So good at this game. So here I am, still in the shagmate zone. Taking one minute at a time. Lowered my expectation of anything else to ground zero. I want more but I have to stick to what we agreed because I don’t want to lose him. Maybe I should move on but I can’t. He is the perfect man for me but he just wants sex no strings attached.
Ni sawa tu!
Check out these other great singlehood series/Single Lady in Nairobi stories.
***Single lady in Nairobi is a collection of real-life stories and opinions from different women. It looks at the current world of dating in Kenya and the experiences that ladies have gone through. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of Potentash.com.
The singlehood series is a collection of real-life stories and opinions from different people. It looks at the current world of dating around the world and the experiences that people have gone through.