My first red flag should have been that Ryan was not my type. Having said that, there is nothing wrong with dating someone who isn’t your type. However, doing so made me realize how strange some men can be.
Do you know those guys who decide to send you a message after you post a cute photo? Ryan was one of them. It was a random Saturday night and I had decided to stay indoors. The first thing I did after he sent me a message was to go through his Instagram feed.
He was attractive but from his photos, I could tell that his height didn’t meet my expectations. Also, his lifestyle was a bit too wild for me. One could easily tell that he liked the partying scene. Additionally, he mostly wore sweatpants or shorts which was so weird. My mum used to tell me that you can tell a lot about a man by how he chooses to dress. Anyway, I decided to engage with him and after a short while, we were in a talking stage.
The one thing I have noticed about talking stages over the years is that the guy always tries his best to impress you, especially in the beginning. With Ryan though, he always saw himself as the prize.
Every now and then he would make a point of reminding me that I would have to “prove” myself worthy of dating him. I’ve never had an issue doing things for a man, in terms of cooking and cleaning. However, having a man use that as a criterion for dating just threw me off. What made it worse was that the way he described it made it seem like he wanted a house manager instead of a potential partner.
Looking back, that should have been the second red flag. Nevertheless, I didn’t take it as a serious matter. As our talking stage progressed, we started to have conversations about deeper topics. This is where everything went downhill. Somehow, we ended up getting to the topic of insecurities. I’m a petite woman and so I told him a story about how during my early campus years I used to feel insecure about my body, especially my bum. But, as the years went by, I was able to overcome the feeling and practice self-love.
As he was typing, I expected that he was going to send an inspirational response and we would end up having a wholesome conversation. That was until he replied with “Did you just say you have a small bum?” which was followed by a frowning emoji.
Stunned, I started to type in anger but noticed that he was recording a voice note so I stopped. In the voice note, he mentioned that he liked curvy women with big bums so there was no point in us getting to know each other further. I felt the urge to respond but then realized that insulting him wasn’t worth it. So, I deleted his number and decided to move on.
The one thing that I like about letting people go is that I never hear from or see them again. This wasn’t the case with Ryan. Two years later, he replied to my story. I had deleted his number but forgot to block him on Instagram and somehow, I never noticed. In those two years, he never liked any of my posts or viewed my stories.
He complimented my look and to be polite I thanked him thinking that was the end of the conversation. After the thanks, he attempted to start a conversation by asking me why we stopped talking. I reminded him hoping to get an apology. As usual, I was expecting too much.
He told me that after going through my old photos, I was the one who had given him the wrong impression about my body. When I said my bum was small, he thought it was completely flat, but it was not that bad.
I stared at his message for a while wondering if he was on drugs or if this was his usual personality. To avoid having a back-and-forth with him I left him on read. The following day, I got a call from a random number. Normally, I would ignore it but then I remembered that my small sister usually calls from different teacher’s phones.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey Nicole, it’s been a long time,”
The voice sounded familiar, but I couldn’t remember who it belonged to.
“Who is this?” I asked.
“How about I give you some clues then you can guess,”
“How about you tell me who you are, or I hang up,” I replied in a sarcastic tone.
“It’s Ryan. I can’t believe you would forget my number so quickly,”
I rolled my eyes and resisted the urge to tell him that he wasn’t special.
“What do you want?” I asked in an angry tone.
“Listen, I didn’t call to argue or cause any trouble. I’m sorry if what I said yesterday offended you. I was just trying to explain,” He replied.
I wanted to believe him. However, I knew that it was a manipulative tactic and that soon enough he would end up saying something else offensive.
“That’s fine. I need to get some work done so I’ll have to end this call,” I said.
“Okay, can we talk later?”
“We’ll see,” I said and hung up the call quickly.
Later that evening, I logged into my Instagram and found paragraphs upon paragraphs from him. He dared to tell me that he had already asked for forgiveness and that I was being rude to him. In his point of view, a person shouldn’t be blamed for what they did in the past. After reading all the paragraphs I realized that I was being too polite by entertaining him.
He had insulted me twice and now he was messing up my peace of mind. A man whose legs I had never even seen in person. I blocked him on all platforms and decided to never engage with a man outside my type.
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