You can tell a lot about a man from the way he treats the women in his life, especially his mum. Sure, no one wants to be with a mama’s boy but no one wants to be with a man who treats his mum badly either since he will most likely treat you the same way or worse.
Looking at him, it would be hard to think that Moses had a bad bone in his body. He was kind and soft-spoken with a somewhat shy demeanor that attracted me to him. After outgrowing my bad boy phase, I wanted to date a calm guy who didn’t make me second guess my sanity. It was like the universe had conspired for Moses and me to meet because it was the perfect timing. I was ready for a new relationship and he was exactly the kind of guy I was looking for. Even my friends liked him.
“You’re so lucky you found a good man in these streets.” One of my close friends said.
“Hold on to him.”
Despite being a handful, Moses was patient with me and with time, I reciprocated his kind gestures. Our relationship was so unproblematic that it felt strange. I would sometimes question whether it was authentic or if Moses was playing the long con. However, after months of dating, I realized that Moses was genuinely good. He courted me for about two months before asking me to be his girlfriend.
So far, everything was normal. The more time I spent with him, the more he continued to impress me. I was always in awe of how nice he was.
Since things were getting serious very fast, I thought it was a good idea for us to introduce each other to our parents. However, when I brought it up to Moses, he shut down the idea. He had never shut down anything go said before so I thought that I had crossed the line.
Over the next couple of days, I tried to talk more about my parents so he would warm up to the idea of meeting them but I noticed that he didn’t talk about his mum or any family member. Anytime I asked about his mum, his mood would change.
“Did your mum pass away?” I finally asked.
“No, she’s alive.” He answered and I breathed a sigh of relief. “I wish she was dead though.”
His remark almost made me have a heart attack. I knew he wasn’t joking since he never did. Anything he said, he meant it.
I took another look at him as if to confirm if it was really him who had said those words. It was hard to believe it since, as I said, Moses was the kindest person I knew. It seemed completely out of character for him to wish death upon anyone much less, his mum. However, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and allowed him to explain why he felt that way about his mum.
“I don’t get along with my mum.” He begun. “She always treated me like I was a bad person while on the other hand, my brother was a saint. He could do no wrong. She used to tell me that I would never make it in life. Now, look at me. I make more money than my entire family combined.” He said arrogantly.
That was the first time I heard Moses raise his voice or speak in such an arrogant manner. However, what shocked me the most was learning that he didn’t get along with his mum.
Most people assume that people who have a bad relationship with their families are either addicted to drugs or criminals. Moses was neither of those things. On the contrary, he was the epitome of success. He had a successful career and he was loved and admired by his peers.
Moses continued to open up to me about his strained relationship with his mum. In fact, he didn’t get along with his entire family but his relationship with his mum was the worst.
“She thought my brother would be more successful than me. He still lives in the village with her.” He said then let out a loud laugh.
“Do you usually help them financially?” I asked.
“Me? Help the people who mocked me my whole life? Never!”
You can help them without having a relationship with them. After all, she’s your mum and she raised you from a little boy to a man.”
“Let her favourite child help her.”
“How long has it been since you spoke to your mum or your family?”
“I don’t remember. Maybe 8 years.”
“What? What if your mum is sick? How will you know?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care.”
I felt bad for him since Moses was really a nice guy but it seemed like he had a lot of childhood trauma that he kept inside. He spoke with a lot of anger and bitterness towards his mum which wasn’t normal. I was even scared of being in the same house as him after learning how he felt about his mum.
“You need to see a counsellor,” I suggested.
“Do you think it’s normal to not talk to your mum for 8 years?”
“I don’t need counselling. They’re the ones who need especially that evil woman who calls herself my mum.”
Seeing that the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, I decided to leave and stay at my friend’s place for the night as Moses cooled off. I had never seen him that angry and there was no telling what he would do to me especially since I was the one who brought up the subject.
I went to see him the following day and he was calm as usual but he looked really stressed.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“You were right. I think I should go for counselling.”
I was happy that he was taking the right step and I supported him. However, I felt that it was best if we parted ways so he could focus on mending his relationship with his family. We tried to stay in touch but it didn’t last long. The last I heard from him, he was talking to his mum though things were still not good.
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