Ever since I was a child, I had always dreamed of having a family. A good man who loves me and eventually our children. After my wedding to Brian, I was one step away from that dream. We loved each other, and we were so eager to become parents that we didn’t waste any time. A few months after our wedding I was already pregnant and throughout the journey, I was so excited. Despite the morning sickness, fatigue and cravings I couldn’t wait to hold my baby.
Brian and I had attended all the clinical checkups together, decorated the baby’s room and planned my days accordingly. By the seventh month, we had already known which day I was supposed to go to the hospital. Normally you don’t know what to expect during your pregnancy journey, but Brian had made it easier. He was always involved and concerned about my well-being.
My due date was supposed to be in the second week of December but ended up being delayed to the third week. My family could not travel to Nairobi which was understandable since it was almost Christmas. Luckily, I knew that at least I had Brian. By the 24th I had checked into the hospital and the contractions had started. Since this was my first pregnancy the contractions were intense and to make matters worse, I started vomiting.
Although I knew my mum wasn’t able to be around, I still felt the need to talk to her at that moment. Brian, who was holding my phone, called her and put her on the loudspeaker as he held my hand. She helped to take my mind off the pain although it was still on and off. One of the nurses also encouraged me to take small sips of water.
Brian stepped out of the room after a while to make a phone call which I didn’t pay much attention to. When he came back, I felt a sudden shift of energy. I figured maybe the call didn’t go well but after he walked to the other side of the room I got concerned.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“Nothing,” He mumbled before going silent on me.
I was surprised since Brian had never given me the cold shoulder before and why today of all days?
“Seriously what’s wrong? Why are you over there? At least come hold my hand or rub my belly. I am in pain,” I said to him.
“Nothing, it’s not important,” He replied.
Eventually, they moved me to my official room. I was still in pain and wondering why my husband was acting weird all of a sudden. We planned for this baby and went through the pregnancy period together peacefully. All through the move he was distant.
Once we got to the room, I realized I didn’t have the time to deal with Brian’s mood swings. This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience and nobody was going to ruin it for me. I had a feeling it was something he had seen on my phone. I never hid anything from him which is why this moment was weird to me.
Anyway, I reminded myself that when you are searching for something regardless of whether it’s there or not you will make nothing into something. When the time came for me to deliver the baby, he put aside his mood and supported me. I accepted his encouragement since this was a heavy moment, but it still felt fake.
My little girl was finally placed on my chest, and I was so overwhelmed with joy. However, this was not how I expected the moment would feel. Brian was so happy, but it felt as if we were co-parents having two different experiences with our baby. Not a husband and a wife celebrating the beginning of their little family.
Since the next day is usually counted as day one, we shared a room that night. He slept on the couch, and I was on the bed, and everything just felt so wrong. I had envisioned that he would be beside me as we basked in the moment of having our first baby. The following day my mum surprised me which made me feel better. Brian decided to give us privacy, but I knew he had gone back to being in his feelings.
When I was finally discharged my mum called an Uber to take us home. The whole ride home I was wondering where Brian was. I expected to find him waiting for me outside holding flowers and ready to take us home. What was supposed to be the second happiest day of my life was ruined by the man I called the love of my life.
When we got home Brian wasn’t even there, which made matters worse. I had decided to keep the events of the past two days a secret from our families, so I didn’t react. Eventually, when he came home, we all had dinner and when we got to our room, I raised the issue.
“Brian what’s wrong don’t tell me it’s nothing,” I said.
“I just don’t want to talk about it since I don’t want to ruin your moment,” He responded.
We gave each other the silent treatment for the rest of the week since I was going through so much to deal with his drama. The following week my mum finally travelled back home, and he finally opened up with a lie. He claimed that the reason he gave me the cold shoulder was that one of my coworkers had been commenting on my posts with love emojis. I wasn’t shocked because Brian had moments of jealousy, but I had never responded to those comments.
To make matters worse why would he choose the day I was giving birth to go through my Instagram? This led me to believe that wasn’t the real reason he was upset that day, but I accepted it and we moved on. A few days later as I was going through my block list, I noticed an account I didn’t recognize. Normally the people I block are those scam pages and the people I cut off from my life.
I unblocked her and went through the messages. She had sent me paragraphs talking about her sexual relationship with Brian. The two had been having sex while I was pregnant. So, I put two and two together and realized while I was in labour, he was covering up his tracks. When I confronted him about it, he denied it even though I had proof. Later I realized the woman was his mum’s best friend which made the story even more disturbing. Throughout the divorce process, all I could think about was how my little fantasy had been destroyed. All because my husband couldn’t keep his temptation at bay.
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