When they say you should always delete your search history, listen. This small mistake has cost people a lot of things. For me, it cost me my marriage. I was suspicious that my husband was doing something behind my back. That’s why I went through his Google search history. However, I didn’t think he was planning a whole divorce behind my back.
“What did I do?” I asked myself.
I was always a good wife even when my husband didn’t deserve it. In our house, he was the king. I always treated him with respect. On the other hand, he disrespected me at every opportunity he got. When I hosted my girls at our house, he would purposely come home drunk and cause a scene. It got to a point where no one wanted to come to my house anymore.
However, when he started getting abusive, I knew I had to do something about it. It started slowly. He would rough me up when we got into an argument. Then, one day, he pinned me against the wall and punched me. We were both in shock since I didn’t expect him to do something like that. The abuse didn’t stop. In fact, it got worse. Every time we got into a fight, he would put his hands on me. I decided to ask his mother to intervene but that didn’t work.
“I don’t know how long I can survive in this marriage. I’m scared he will kill me.” I said to her in tears.
“Don’t worry, my daughter. I will talk to him.” She answered.
I don’t know if she ever talked to him but my husband was still abusive. The abuse took such a toll on my physical and mental well-being that I had to quit my job. I wasn’t able to show up consistently and even when I reported to work, I was constantly in distress. However, this was the biggest mistake I ever made.
My husband became more abusive than ever because he knew I didn’t have a choice. After a couple of months of being jobless and in an abusive marriage, I decided to look for another job that would at least get me out of the house. I actually wanted a job out of town.
I didn’t have a laptop so I decided to use my husband’s laptop when he came home from work. It took a lot of convincing but he surprisingly gave me his laptop. So, in the dead of the night, when he was asleep, I started looking for job advertisements. I was ready to do any kind of job. In fact, I was even ready to go to those Middle East countries. I figured it couldn’t be worse than what I was experiencing at home.
While I was searching through the internet, I noticed that I would get a lot of ads for lawyers. My husband wasn’t a lawyer nor did we deal with lawyers so I found it strange. I had a basic understanding of how the internet worked so I knew ads usually popped up based on the things you searched for. This made me curious about what my husband was searching for on his laptop.
“Maybe he has a secret property that he’s trying to hide from me.” I thought.
I went to his browser history and nothing seemed out of the norm. However, as I scrolled down, I came across something that almost knocked me to the ground. He had searched numerous about divorce and the divorce process.
“How to get a divorce quickly?” I read aloud in a shaky voice.
I was genuinely confused since I was the one in an abusive marriage yet I had never considered getting a divorce. Nothing made sense and I couldn’t even confront my husband since it could end in another beating.
I was just like a sitting duck waiting for the day he would serve me with divorce papers. Honestly, I was relieved. As much as I didn’t want to be a divorcee, I knew this was the best outcome for my marriage.
Sure enough, he gave me the divorce papers a few weeks later.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked.
He didn’t answer. Instead, he gave me a look that I was too familiar with. He would look at me like I was a burden in his life. There was no love in his eyes when he looked at me. That look was enough to let me know exactly how he felt about me. The love in our marriage had completely fizzled and there was no way we could revive it.
When he finally gave me the divorce papers, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I immediately started packing my things and moved to my mother’s house. I even hosted a divorce party at my mother’s place.
During the whole divorce process, I never got in contact with my husband. His lawyer was the one who acted as a messenger on his behalf. Since I wasn’t able to afford a lawyer, I was pretty much in the dark about a lot of things. In the end, I simply signed the divorce papers just so I could close that chapter of my life. I didn’t care about what I was getting from the marriage.
However, I still needed to know what made my husband change so drastically and become a monster to me. I asked his lawyer to get an answer from me then I would sign the papers. A week later, I received a letter from my husband. He simply wrote:
“You aren’t my type. I only married you to make my mother happy and I realized that I made a mistake.”
No apologies. No goodbye. Even after I gave him the divorce, he didn’t care to at least treat me like a human being. Nonetheless, I was more than happy to get a divorce from him. I was finally at peace and I could start to rebuild my life and focus on myself more.
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