Three years after walking down the aisle, I started seeing a marriage counsellor because my husband was a serial cheater. If I knew this was how this marriage would end up, I would have left Francis at the altar after I found out he was sleeping with one of my bridesmaids. However, I couldn’t bear the embarrassment so I went through with the wedding hoping things would be different as time went by. I never even told him that I found out about his affair.
The wedding was far from a fairytale and neither was our marriage life. I lived in suspicion and anytime my husband went on a “work trip” I could barely sleep since I thought he was away with another woman. The stress also interfered with our sex life and for three years, I could count the number of times my husband and I had been intimate.
“Just get a divorce. It’s not worth losing your sanity over a failed marriage.” One of my close friends advised me.
Though I was tempted to file for a divorce, I was scared of the shame and ridicule that I would face. Most people were against my marriage including my parents. They didn’t even show up to the wedding. They didn’t like Francis because of his arrogance and the way he treated me. Nonetheless, I stood by him even when it meant disobeying my family. What’s the thanks I got? He slept with one of my friends and bridesmaids.
I spent countless sleepless nights wondering what I would do to make my marriage work. Then, I stumbled across a social media ad for a marriage counsellor. The video felt like it was meant for me so I didn’t even think twice about contacting her. I immediately took her number and called her.
“Hello, can I speak to Dr Melissa?” I asked and was immediately put on hold and then connected to her.
“Hello. This is Dr Melissa. How may I help you?”
Her voice sounded like the voice of an angel that I had been waiting for all these years. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.
“Hello, Dr Melissa. Thank you for answering my call. I am in desperate need of your help.”
We talked briefly then she sent me her address and gave me an appointment to see her.
“I can’t wait to meet you,” I said then hang up.
Two days later, I was in her office crying my heart out as I explained all the woes I had been through in my marriage. She was warm and patient with me throughout the session and barely said anything.
“Come back again tomorrow. I want to hear more before I can see you and your husband together.” She said.
As instructed, I was back in her office the following day. We had a few more sessions together before she finally told me to bring my husband.
“Nothing is changing. I have tried talking to him, pampering him, seducing him and nothing.” I explained.
“Okay. I think it’s time I talked to him. Please bring him to our next session.”
The next session was a week away since Melissa was going out of town. This gave me some time to convince my husband to go for marriage counselling with me. However, as I thought, it wasn’t going to be easy. He didn’t even want to hear the word let alone tell him to go.
“What marriage counselling? Our marriage is very fine.”
“Really? We have been married for three years and I can count how many times we have been intimate. God knows where you go on all these work trips you take.”
“Don’t start with this nonsense!”
“I know you were sleeping with Bambi.”
He stopped watching the television and looked at me.
“What? How did you know?”
“So, you won’t even deny it? She told me on our wedding day.” I explained and broke down in tears. “If you don’t want a divorce, you better come with me to see the marriage counsellor.”
The following week, we went to the marriage counsellor and for once in a long time, I felt happy and optimistic. However, as soon as we walked in, my optimism was shuttered. Francis had the same look in his eyes as he did when he saw a beautiful woman walk by. Yes, Dr Melissa was beautiful but I hoped he would behave himself for once.
“Welcome.” She said standing up. “It’s nice to see you again, Claire. You must be her husband.”
“Yes, I am. Francis but you can call me Frank.”
“Nice to meet you.”
I already knew this was going to be a disaster but somehow I held on to the hope that things could change. We went on a couple of sessions together before I realized that I was wasting my time and money. Somehow, all the problems in my marriage were my fault and I had failed as a woman.
After my last session, I knew I couldn’t go back. I was already suspicious that my husband was sleeping with our marriage Counsellor but I didn’t have the confirmation.
“Girl, you need to divorce this loser. You’re better than this.” My friend pressured me.
“I need to get evidence that he’s sleeping with her first.”
“What evidence do you need? You know what he’s like.”
A quick search on his phone showed me everything I needed to know. He had been sending flirty messages to her and they had even spent nights at different hotels.
That was all I needed to know and I went to see a lawyer the following day to start the divorce process. I packed my things and moved to my friend’s house. Surprisingly, Francis got emotional the day that I moved out. I don’t know whether it was an act to make me change my mind or he was genuinely sad. Either way, I was completely done with our marriage and so couldn’t wait to get a divorce from him. After my horrible marriage, I don’t think I’ll ever get married again. I also don’t think I can trust therapists again.
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