Being in a polyamorous relationship wasn’t exactly what I expected it to be. I have always been open-minded especially when it comes to sex so I always went with the flow depending on what my partner wanted. However, as I got older, I started seeking more serious relationships that would lead to marriage. I wanted a normal relationship that didn’t involve other people or weird fetishes.
I ended up meeting a man who I thought was pretty normal. In these Nairobi streets and in the circle I was in, that was rare. So, I took my time before I fully committed to him and he did prove himself. He had his quirks but they were things that I could easily overlook. In fact, I liked them. I liked that he was into sex. For me, I thought it meant that he liked me and that he had a healthy sexual appetite.
When we were together, the guy was so sexual that it took me by surprise. I had never met a guy with that level of sexual appetite but I didn’t want to say anything just in case he takes it the wrong way. For a couple of months, I enjoyed the physical attention I got from him. However, our relationship turned into a sexual one when I wanted a serious one. So, I started avoiding him.
“I can’t come over this weekend. I’m going to see my mum.” I lied.
“Babe, I was waiting for you. What will I do the whole weekend?” He asked.
“I’ll try and come on Sunday then.”
Despite my efforts to avoid him, I couldn’t stay away for too long. I was worried that he would cheat on me since I had already known that he was very sex driven. One day, I decided that the relationship wasn’t going as I hoped and I needed to do something about it. I had been in a polyamorous relationship before and I thought it would be a good solution to my problem. It was either that or we ended the relationship and I didn’t want to break up with him.
“Babe, what do you think about a polyamorous relationship?” I asked him.
“What’s that?”
He didn’t know what it was which made me more comfortable doing it with him. At least, I could set all the rules that I wanted. After explaining to him, he was deep in thought.
“So I can have another girlfriend?” He asked.
“No, she’s going to be our girlfriend and I get to choose who to bring.”
He didn’t seem too fond of the idea but after a little convincing, he was in. While we were out partying, we met a girl who we both liked and ended up going home with her. That was the first time he ever had a threesome but I had been there and done that a dozen times. He seemed to like it so we started a polyamorous relationship with the girl.
When I wasn’t around, she would hang out with my boyfriend and vice versa so I was sure he wasn’t cheating. The arrangement seems to be working great and my boyfriend even started taking me out more. We weren’t just having sex the whole weekend. I thought that with time, he would get bored of the polyamorous relationship. By that time, we would have formed a stronger connection and he would be more serious about us.
However, my plan went completely left. My boyfriend became more of a sex addict than ever before; now, he wanted me and the other girl to hang out with him. Obviously, I couldn’t keep up because this was the same issue I had with him before the whole polyamorous relationship thing. Even after hanging out with the other girl the whole weekend, he would still call me throughout the week to come over. I’d refuse but it was getting on my nerves and I wanted to put a stop to it.
I went over to his house during the weekend unannounced and waited for him. It was almost midnight and he hadn’t shown up yet. At around 2 am, I heard the door unlocking and a woman chuckling. I woke up and went to the living room thinking that it was the other woman. However, my boyfriend was with a completely different woman. I was so confused since so thought that being in a polyamorous relationship would save me from this kind of embarrassment.
“Who is this?” I asked him.
“My girl. Is this not what being in a polyamorous relationship means?”
I was so mad that Ali couldn’t even talk. The woman left shortly after and it was only my boyfriend sitting in silence and me.
“I thought you were different,” I said
“You’re the one who wanted this polyamorous relationship.”
“I thought it would stop you from cheating on me.”
“Cheating on you? I never cheated on you until you brought another woman to me. I don’t know anything about polyamory. For me, you gave me the go-ahead to sleep with other people.”
“So you’ve been cheating this whole time.”
“I have been with other people the whole time.”
It turned out that the other girl hadn’t even been to his house in weeks. When I called her to tell her what had happened she told me that she knew he was sleeping with other people and he told her that I was okay with it. She simply stopped hanging out with him because she was also getting tired of the endless booty calls.
He kept justifying it with the polyamorous relationship but I knew it was just an excuse for him. I had been in other polyamorous relationships and the rules were very strict. No one cheated and it simply ended amicably. This guy, on the other hand, thought a polyamorous relationship was a go-ahead to sleep with anyone and everyone. He may have blamed the polyamorous relationship but I think he was just a cheater from the beginning and he was able to hide it well until he noticed that I was “cool”.
Despite trying everything to avoid being cheated on, it still happened. I was left heartbroken, humiliated and alone.
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