Most guys I dated thought it was nice at first since I showered them with affection. However, it became a problem when they realized how overwhelming it can be. One guy even pretended that he had a job abroad just so he could break up with me. I later found out that he had moved to another city to live with another girl.
I didn’t grow up in the best environment. My father left us when I was barely 5 years old and we never saw or heard from him again. From then on, my mother struggled with depression that made her unable to take care of our emotional needs as kids. I had to grow up fast and learn about life through experience. Luckily, we had good family members who took care of us when my mother couldn’t. This tough start to life made me become attached to people and dependent on them for emotional support.
Most men I dated preyed on my vulnerability. They cheated, stole, and lied to me. Still, I wouldn’t leave. It was only when I felt completely drained that I would give up on the relationship. At some point, my siblings had to intervene so I could stop dating toxic men.
“Why do you keep choosing these types of men?” My brother asked.
“I don’t know. I’m attracted to them.”
“I think you should take a break from dating and then take your time to find a good man.” He advised.
I was at my breaking point so I decided to take my brother’s advice and slowed down on dating. Things didn’t get any better. I still felt insecure but I took my time to choose a man who would understand me. After what seemed like an eternity, I met Noah and for the torts time, I felt safe in my relationship. I was honest with him from the beginning about my dating history and he didn’t seem to mind or care.
“I’m not like those other guys. All I want is the best for you.” He assured me.
A part of me still had my doubts so I didn’t get my hopes up even when Noah proved himself consistently. After my past relationship experiences, it was hard for me to believe anyone wanted the best for me.
Nonetheless, I could count on my partner for security and reassurance which felt amazing. I experienced real love for the first time in my life and started to let my guard down. In past relationships, I would chat with my partner all day long just so I knew where they were and what they were doing. After a few months of dating Noah, I could go the whole day without talking to him.
I was making great progress but an incident triggered my insecurities and made me distrust Noah. We were on a date when he noticed one of his work colleagues. She spotted him as well and approached our table.
“Hi, Noah.” She said, reaching for a hug.
“Hi, Grace.” He answered, dodging the hug and shaking her hand instead.
They stood in awkward silence before she turned to me.
“Hi. Are you his girlfriend?” She asked.
“Yes, she’s my girlfriend.”
“Well, don’t get too comfortable. There are many.”
She left shortly after.
I was still trying to figure out whether she was joking or serious so I didn’t say anything to Noah for some time.
“She’s just joking. She’s always like that.” He kept repeating.
I brushed it off and we went home as if nothing had happened. However, I couldn’t let it go that easily. I went through Noah’s phone when we got home to confirm he wasn’t talking to anyone else.
The following day, I left work early and headed to Noah’s workplace. When I got there, I found him talking to another girl. When he saw me, he almost pushed her away before coming towards me.
“What are you doing here?” He asked.
“I came to see you. Who is that?” I asked, pointing at the girl.
“Just a colleague.”
“Can you introduce us?”
“Of course.” He answered then headed towards her while holding my hand.
“ This is Maureen, my girlfriend and this is Ashley, my colleague.”
“Nice to meet you. I’ve heard about you. You’re very beautiful.” She answered.
I smiled and relaxed knowing that nothing was going on between them.
After that, the relationship wasn’t the same. I felt uneasy whenever Noah told me he had a work event or trip. However, I knew that he had a promising career and I supported him despite my insecurities. He quickly climbed the corporate ladder and in less than a year since we started dating, he was promoted to a managerial position.
To congratulate him, I took him out for dinner where he broke the bad news to me.
“I know it’s a happy occasion but I need to tell you something.” He started. “I need to move abroad for a year to work at the company headquarters.”
I nearly had a panic attack but I managed to stay calm and think this through.
“What does this mean for us?” I asked.
“We need to take a break because I want to focus on the job.”
“What about a long-distance relationship?”
“I don’t think it will work but we can get back together when I come back.” He said.
“Okay.” I agreed.
Noah left a week later and I didn’t hear from him for months. I was sad and depressed until I ran into Ashley, his colleague.
“Hi, how are you?” I said with a smile.
“I’m good. How are you?” She asked.
“Wow, I’m surprised that you’re so happy after everything Noah told me about you.”
“What did he say?”
“He met another girl during one of our work trips and planned to move in with her but he was so scared to end things with you because you might harm him but I’m happy that you’re doing well.” She said.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I answered bluntly and walked away.
When I got home, I cried for hours. I felt bad because Noah was the last person I expected to do anything like that to me. As expected, I’ve never heard from him again. However, I started going to therapy to deal with my traumas and I’ve already noticed a big difference in the way I look at myself and my relationships.
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