Breakups can leave you feeling shocked, alone, anxious, helpless, hurt, rejected, angry, depressed, and full of shame and regret. In the aftermath of a breakup, while dealing with all these difficult emotions, you are likely to jump to some highly faulty conclusions. Here are some common lies people tell themselves that you should be on the lookout for.
My ex was the best
While in the pits of a breakup, you can fall into the trap of romanticizing the relationship that was. This often looks like thinking your ex was the best or the relationship was perfect. Language like this is not only extreme, it’s also likely inaccurate. Your ex was a normal person with positive and negative qualities and so was your relationship.
If they loved me more, our relationship would have worked
One of the biggest misconceptions about relationships is that loving someone is enough to make a relationship work. Love is a necessary condition but it is not sufficient on its own to sustain a relationship. The fact that it has ended also doesn’t invalidate the relationship that was and the love if there was any. Relationships end for many reasons not just an absence of love.
I’ll never get over my ex
One common lie people tell themselves while grieving relationships is that they’ll never get over their ex. You will. The important thing to keep in mind is that while you may not be there yet, you will get there someday. There’s no rush and no need to pressure yourself. While you can take some steps to heal yourself, there’s no putting a timeline on it. Show yourself some grace.
I’ll never find someone as good or better
After a breakup, people sometimes romanticize their past while having a gloomy outlook on the future. This can look like believing you’ll never someone find someone who is just as good or better. The same way you met your ex who you think was great is the same way you can still meet another decent person. If it happened before, there’s no reason why it can’t happen again. Holding on to the lie that you’ll never find someone better can keep you clinging to a relationship that’s no longer good for you.
I can make my ex change
Most people, if not everyone to some extent believe they can change their partner. You can’t. There’s no one you can change but you and even that’s a tall order.
We’re meant to be together
Personally, I don’t believe in the idea that people can be meant to be together. Nevertheless, if you believe there’s such a thing, you should use the fact that you’re broken up as evidence that that’s not the case. At the very least, you’re not meant to be together at this point.
I’ve wasted so much time with the wrong person
After a relationship ends, especially a long-term one, it’s common for people to view it as lost time or wasted time. Time spent loving is never wasted. If you look, you’ll see something valuable you gained from it, such as emotional maturity. A related lie is the belief that you can’t afford to start over and waste time trying to find a new partner. The pursuit of love and companionship is never a waste of time. If you desire romantic companionship, you shouldn’t give up because of a bad past experience.
There’s no point in ever loving again
While dealing with the anguish of a breakup, it’s common to swear off love seeing no point in loving again. That’s fine, just don’t allow yourself to stay there too long or believe it. As with all other things, this too will pass.
6 Lessons You Should Learn From A Breakup
7 Tips To Have An Amicable Breakup
5 Rules Of Breaking Up You Should Know If You Want To End Your Relationship
Relationships: How To Get Over Heartbreak
Relationships: Here Is Why You Should Walk Away When They Come Back
Relationships: What To Do If You Regret Breaking Up With Someone