My friend on twitter @greatrnk asked me to write a guest post for him on any topic I wanted. After thinking about it I thought let me write about something I know a lot about, heartbreak.
For those who have experienced it heartbreak can be devastating. People go through heartbreak for different reasons. Some of them are infidelity, incompatibility, your partner falls for somebody else and decides your not the “one,” physical, emotional or sexual abuse, you find out your partner has been lying to you or keeping secrets, or maybe they are moving away and they aren’t taking you with them.
Whatever the reason heartbreak can make somebody go insane. Swinging on the pendulum between crazy and comatose. Some people experience heartbreak and go crazy. They smash or burn things, probably those of their partner, they cause drama, they go on drinking, eating or drug binges, they go completely off the wall generally. Then there is the other side somebody gets into a deep depression. They go quiet, they don’t eat or sleep, they can be suicidal, and the person doesn’t want to talk to anybody. They cry endlessly and can’t stop. Heartbreak can be on any of these levels or none. Everyone is unique and how somebody handles heartbreak is unique to them. It’s also to some extent the reason why their heart was broken.
One of the sad things about heartbreak is that to other people you must go on. If somebody dies your office or school will give you a few compassionate days to stay home. When you get your heart broken you must go to work and behave like everything is normal. Inside something inside you has died and you feel so much pain but no one recognizes that you feel like you are in a tsunami of pain and you don’t know when it will end.
So how do you get over heartbreak?
It’s not easy to get over heartbreak. There’s no quick formula for getting over heartbreak. It’s not like you can go to a doctor and they give you pills to take for five days and abracadabra you are healed. Some heartbreaks can be gotten over in a couple of months, some take years. For me sometimes I can be ok for a long period of time then suddenly it hits me again and I get depressed. Some people go through long periods of depression and others don’t. Getting over heartbreak takes time. But there are things that can help one get over heartbreak.
Cry. If you’re the type to cry do it. This helps release negative emotions and it is a body mechanism to get rid of stress.
Laugh. If you’re like me who finds it hard to cry find something to make you laugh. Read funny books, watch movies or cartoons that make you laugh. Hang out with people who can put a smile on your face.
Talk about it to somebody you trust. Talk it out. Get all the negative emotions out. It’s great to have a sounding board where you can get out all the bitter stuff that’s in you. Women are good at this.
Write. Write it out. You can write letters to yourself or to the person. Say what you feel. You can post these or keep them to yourself. When I think heartbreak I write poetry. See a sample here – Heartbreak Hotel. It helps me get out what I feel.
Keep yourself busy. Do things that keep your mind busy. If you’re doing nothing you tend to think a lot or over think then you get depressed. By keeping yourself busy you are unlikely to do harsh things like keep calling your ex or binge.
Indulge yourself. When I feel down I treat myself to chocolate or a great meal. It makes me happy. The thing is don’t go overboard. Some of the things you can indulge in can become an addiction. This goes for food, not just alcohol.
Exercise. Take up going to the gym or walking or any exercise. This increases mental alertness and stops you from being lethargic. It’s easy to seat in front of the TV and never move. Or stay in your bed crying for days on end. It’s also good for your body. There were and are times I wish I could box. Some days I want to get out those emotions and it would be nice to have something to hit. Exercise reduces stress. It also improves your self-image as well as body image.
Spend time with your family or the people that love you. They can help you get over the hurt. But if they are causing you grief sometimes its best to stay away.
Do things you love. If you love dancing go dancing. If you love cars go watch the rally or go to motor shows. Doing things that you love increases your happiness and then you are somewhere on the road to healing.
Don’t call or text or facebook the person. Sometimes when hurting you reach out to the person who hurt you. You end up going back to something you swore you won’t. It’s very easy to get caught up in wishing that things were the same as before and so you go back. It’s understandable you loved the person. But don’t go back. Wait until you are able to deal logically with your emotions before seeing the person again. Else you will take them back when they say they are sorry or you will go completely psycho and cause drama.
Realize that the relationship ended and that you deserve better. Love yourself. One thing I have learned that sometimes we give out so much love we forget to love ourselves. We put the other person’s needs first and so when you break up you are running on empty. Learn to love yourself and put yourself first. Pamper and love you. Fill yourself with love. Read books or articles on how to love yourself better. I read The Daily Love on the internet every day. It helps me get positive reinforcement and teaches me to love and appreciate myself. If you’re a Christian you can read the Bible to find out about real love. Other religions also have books about love. Read those. Find your path.
Take up a new project that you have always wanted to do. This builds your confidence, it keeps you busy so your thinking about the person is at a minimum and you’re growing. It’s challenging doing something you have wanted to do but haven’t. But it gives you confidence and it helps you realize that there’s life after heartbreak. It also helps you to realize that you can move on. Accomplishing something new will counteract the feelings of hurt and sadness.
Go out and meet new people. I know what you are thinking. I don’t want to meet new people. I want so and so. I am not saying go out and look for the next person to date. Just go out and meet new people. You may find somebody who will heal your heart maybe. But meeting new people is good. You get to socialize and find out interesting things about others. Maybe you were kissing the wrong frogs. Whatever.
Listen to music that makes you happy or makes you want to dance or inspires you. Don’t listen to sad or romantic songs.
Talking to God. When I feel low and especially when I was first heartbroken I talked to God. I asked God to give me grace and love to get through that hurricane period and he did and still does. I think if there is one “person” who understands how we feel its God. He created us in his image and so he understands us. He understands our anger, pain, disappointment. He understands our hopes and dreams. He more then anybody understands what we felt for the person who broke our heart. And he understands the trust issues thereafter. He is the one who can help us learn to forgive the person (if we can) and move on. I have found that God is the one true rock in heartbreak.
One day you will realize that only time can heal your heartbreak. But in the meantime take care of yourself. Eat. Pray. Love. Don’t give up on you. I don’t want to say don’t give up on love. The jury is still out on that one as far as I am concerned so I won’t tell you something I am not too sure about anymore.
The best thing you can do for yourself during this time to love yourself again and discover who you are again. Sometimes in a relationship, you lose yourself and during heartbreak, it’s a time for you to find out who you are. Love you.
There are many ways to get over heartbreak. Not everything I have written here will work for you or somebody you love. What worked for you? Or what advice would you give somebody going through heartbreak?