When your lover walks away for whatever reason, a difficult period of heartache sets in. It is never easy to lose someone you trusted and loved with all your heart. You will become depressed. You will ask a lot of questions. Answers to those questions will be very few. The chemistry between you was superb. You felt you had found your pride of place in their heart. All seems well until, for whatever reason, they decide it is not going to work. You feel this weight on your heart and wonder why it all happened.
Feelings of worthlessness will set in. You will think hard about why you were never good enough for them. You begin imaging the more than 1000 ways you would have made everything right. Your fate is sealed though and there is nothing you can do to rewind the times. It can be a very depressing time.
Your life seems shattered into multiple pieces. The person who would have been around to comfort you is probably somewhere else totally unaware of your situation. They do not care. It is life as usual for them. As you are crying, they are moving on like nothing happened.
You are faced with multiple dilemmas. Nothing you do seems good. No one understands how you feel; even if they say they do. Your favourite food suddenly can’t go down the throat as nicely as it used to.
The burden weighs down on you. It pounds on you heavily.
The moment you decide to move on, they come back. It’s as if they had been waiting all that time for you to move on so that they could make their unceremonious return. What will you do? What will happen when they come back? This is usually the moment you have decided to erase the person that they are, but the memories still linger. The memories of those beautiful times before the breakup are with you all the time.
Second chances. They will come for second chances. You have decided to be happy but here they are. With more emotional baggage. A penny for your thoughts. Its as if they had an alarm that was timed to ring the minute you decided to move on.
Apologies are made. They apologize for ‘being selfish.’ That is what they will do to gain leverage over you. You need to see through that. They do not care about what happened to you. They do not care about the pain. They will say they are aware of the pain you went through. Do not crumble. Do not relent.
You need to ask yourself a number of questions. Was it necessary to have this gap in your love life, if at all they were to come back? If they loved you, why leave? Why did they not try to make things right? They loved you, hated you, and now they want to love you again? If you can’t answer these questions consistently, do not take any explanations or apologies or ‘assurances.’
You made the decision to forget them and move on, keep moving and do not look back.
Allowing them back in is a way of going in for the bait. You have the chance to elect a leader for your goats, why are you considering a Leopard as one of the candidates? You obviously want your goats to be eaten, don’t you?
They are a mistake. Do not allow yourself to repeat the mistake. Why not find a better ‘mistake’ and keep learning, if at all you really want mistakes?
When they come back, move on. Give them a smile and wish them well, but don’t allow them to come too close. The umbilical cords are cut. Make that clear to them.
A second heartache will hurt more than the first. Spare yourself that and move on.
Reuben Wanjala is a Content Developer who is passionate about sharing information. He specializes in Public Relations and is a strong believer in the need for African development through the dissemination of useful information and positive journalism. He trusts in the power of positive thinking.