I have never been able to describe my ideal guy. If you asked me to build a man from scratch who would be perfect, I would have to pick different qualities from different people. However, with Kwame things were different. He embodied everything I thought I wanted in a man.
Kwame and I met at a paint-and-sip which was so random to me. I usually have a hard time bonding with new people so you could never catch me at an event alone. On that specific day, I was supposed to meet up with a friend of mine, but she got food poisoning.
When I got to the event, I could feel the anxiety build up inside me. As I looked around, the first person I spotted was Kwame not because of his looks but his energy. It was so easy to tell that he was an extrovert given how he was interacting with random people. After a few minutes of socializing, everyone settled on different tables and focused on their canvas.
I loved painting. If money wasn’t an issue, I would have spent my days painting. The minute my brush touched the canvas my anxiety faded away and I felt at peace. By the end of the event, I had finished my masterpiece and was proud of myself for doing an activity alone. I quickly picked up my phone and called Alice to check up on her and to tell her about my achievement. Just as it started to ring, I noticed Kwame approaching and quickly hang up.
He introduced himself and asked to see my artwork which was weird, but I showed him anyway. I watched as his eyes marvelled at my art piece and I couldn’t help but smile.
“This is so beautiful. The colours, the blend and the technique,” He said with a smile.
“Thank you! Can I see yours?” I replied.
“Only if you tell me your name,” He said.
“Christina,” I responded.
“Okay Christina but I have to warn you it’s pretty deep,” He said while smiling.
He turned over his painting and I tried my best not to laugh. He had done a colourful background and a bunch of stick men.
“What’s the deep part about it?” I asked curving my lips into a smile.
“Nothing, but you can’t deny it is creative,” He replied.
We both let out a laugh.
“Would you like to join the rest of us for lunch? It’s just a place around here,” He asked.
“Sure,” I replied.
We went for lunch, and I got to connect with everyone else who was at the event. As time went by people started leaving one by one until we were finally alone.
I contemplated leaving but remembered how much I had achieved that day. Attending an event alone and connecting with a group of strangers. I was on a roll, and it was too early to stop so I decided to stay.
Kwame and I talked for two more hours. During our interaction, I didn’t feel like he was hitting on me. It was more like sharing information with a person who saw the world the way I do. We had the same taste in a lot of things which made me drawn to him. By the time we parted ways I felt like he was already my friend not even an acquaintance. We built our bond slowly after that day. I had gone through bad relationships before so despite what I felt for him it was easier to take it a day at a time.
Living in Nairobi and having experienced character development I thought the worst thing I could go through was cheating. However, with Kwame, I realized there are other reasons why relationships don’t work out. In two years, Kwame and I had gone through an on-and-off relationship. Whenever something was going wrong in his life, he would always take it out on me by pushing me away. Sometimes it would even get to the point of him breaking up with me and we would get back together after a week or so.
Now I’m sure you are wondering how come I couldn’t leave him for good. Kwame was like a drug that I was addicted to. Given the history we had, I always felt like we were destined to be together. Because of this, I would always shrink myself so that we could be okay. Whenever he needed space, I would give him that space. I avoided raising issues since he would always point out that I was overthinking or overreacting.
Eventually, though, I got tired of the cycle and decided to cut him out of my life for good by deleting his number. Healing from that relationship took months of crying and partying. After almost dying of alcohol poisoning, I decided it was time to try therapy instead.
I found a therapist and two weeks before my first session Kwame sent me a message on Twitter out of the blue and asked if we could meet up. I wasn’t really surprised because just when you think you’ve healed the devil always tests you.
Although I had healed from our relationship, I still felt somewhat resentful. Kwame had not only traumatized me, but he had made it harder for me to date again. So, I took the meet-up proposal as a way to vent out my feelings hoping I could feel better.
On the day of the meetup, I was surprised to find Kwame waiting for me. He suggested that we meet at the same restaurant where we had our first conversation. I knew it was a way for him to charm me, but I accepted anyway. He gave me the chance to talk first and I opened up in a way I hadn’t before. Once I was done, he apologized to me and that was the first time I had ever heard him admit to mistakes he had made. The old version of me would have been so happy.
By the time we parted ways I felt fulfilled. My ex wanted me back and I finally had the chance to tell him all the things I had bottled up. That night was even better because he texted me expressing how he missed me, and wished we could get back together. In the days that followed we talked more and even shared some of our favourite songs. The conversations gave me the same feeling I had when we first got to know each other.
Remember when I said the devil always tests you? By the end of the week, I had started thinking about getting back together with him. I was very close to doing so until I scrolled through Twitter that weekend and noticed a tweet from his friend. He had posted three images. Two were of my conversations with Kwame and one was a screenshot of some of his friends’ responses in a WhatsApp group.
Kwame had picked sections of our late-night conversations and shared them in that group. Things I had told him in confidence had now become a topic in a group of men. Out of anger, I called him to express my disappointment. Like the “good old days,” he told me it wasn’t a big deal since people didn’t know it was me. That the reason he did that was to get advice on how to get me back.
I hang up before he could say another word and set my phone aside for a while. A few minutes later a message popped up. A mutual friend of ours had texted me asking if the conversations were between me and Kwame. I opened my WhatsApp to respond and realized he had also sent me a screenshot. It was a photo of me on Kwame’s status.
To express how sorry he was, Kwame posted me with a love emoji. So not only had he embarrassed me in a group, but his friends also now knew I was a simp. He texted me over and over trying to apologize but I kept on ignoring the texts. The following day I wanted to write him a paragraph venting out my frustrations but then I realized it wouldn’t have changed anything.
He had managed to convince people that he would always have a hold on me. What made it worse was that I had convinced myself that we could be together again. That we had both grown and our relationship would flourish this time around. Instead, I decided to block him on every platform and just feel the pain. Normally, I would have turned to alcohol but instead, I waited for my therapy session. My hope is that those sessions will help me finally get rid of the trauma.
Check out
I Got Drunk And Started Confessing My Secrets
He Never Said He Loved Me Throughout Our Two Year Relationship
My Toxic Ex Harassed Me On Social Media Until I Had To Deactivate My Accounts
I Took Her To A Concert And She Left With Another Man
My Boyfriend Changed Into A Stranger I Couldn’t Recognise After The Birth Of Our Daughter
Our Date Ended At A Police Station
