There’s nothing worse than being in a relationship where you feel unloved and unwanted no matter what you do to make them love you. This was my fate for the past two years. I was in a relationship with someone I knew didn’t love me but I couldn’t leave him since I kept hoping that he would change his mind.
When I started dating David, I knew that he still had issues from his past relationship. He would constantly talk about his ex and how she “betrayed” him by sleeping with one of his friends. Additionally, it seemed like he still had feelings for her. It didn’t help that he still lived in the same apartment building as her.
“Let’s move out.” I kept telling him.
“We will but there are no good houses around this area.”
“Then let’s move to another area.”
“No, I like this area.”
After a while, I accepted the fact that he wouldn’t move from his apartment. However, things weren’t getting any better. He still talked about his ex every day. She even started contacting him and telling everyone that she would get him back. She didn’t but it still didn’t sit well with me.
Luckily, she moved out of the apartment building after she failed to pay her rent and for a while, my problems were over. I didn’t have to worry about her coming after my man anymore. My relationship was safe but nothing much changed. David was still cold and distant towards me and just when I thought my problems were over, another one cropped up.
This time, it was his “bestie”. I knew about her but I didn’t think she was a threat. She was nothing like David’s type and she knew it.
“He’s not attracted to me because he likes light skin girls.” She said to me when we hung out.
However, they used to spend a lot of time together and she started talking badly about me to him.
“That girl doesn’t love you. You’d rather even choose your ex.” She said.
David would tell me everything they talked about to make me feel bad. It used to hurt me but I would act like it didn’t. This continued for a while until one day he slipped up and confessed his love for her to me.
“You know I used to have feelings for Vanessa.” He said.
I simply nodded my head and switched my attention to my phone.
Almost a year into our relationship, he still hadn’t told me he loved me nor did he even act like he did. We barely went on dates. In fact, we had only gone on two dates since we began the relationship and I had to force him to take me out on both occasions. Since I’m not a pushy person, I gave up on going out and accepted my fate.
As the days went by, our relationship felt more and more like an arranged marriage. We hardly spoke to each other. He would leave the house at the crack of dawn and return late in the night either too drunk or too tired to spend time with me. This was one of the most difficult times of my life. Even our sex life started to suffer.
I still chose to fight for the relationship even though I was getting tired and frustrated. I wanted to know why David didn’t love me even though I was exactly his type. In fact, I was prettier than all his exes. Yet, he treated me as if I was an embarrassment.
“Did I do something wrong?” I finally asked.
“Why?” He answered.
“You’ve never told me that you love me and you treat me so badly. This is the worst relationship I’ve ever been in.”
“Then leave.” He barked.
“I just want to know what I did.”
“I don’t even know why I’m dating you. My friends warned me about you.”
“You mean that girl who was jealous of me.”
“No, my male friends. Ian told me you’re a hoe.”
“Ian? The guy who brings different girls to his house every day.”
“Yes. Weren’t you one of those girls?”
His comment took me by surprise since I didn’t think he knew about my past with Ian.
“I was in a relationship with him before I found out what kind of guy he was.”
“It’s not only him. I have heard all kinds of things about you and the more I’ve stayed with you, the more I see it’s true.”
“Then why are you with me?”
“I don’t know. You should take your things and leave.”
“Just like that? We’ve been in a relationship for two years and you want to kick me out as if I’m nothing.”
“This wasn’t a relationship.”
He insisted that I leave his place so I packed my things and went back home. I knew that my relationship wasn’t perfect but it was only when it ended that I realized how toxic it was. I looked back at all the times he would compliment other women and never complimented me or how he went out every day and never asked me to accompany him.
Maybe I was in denial hence why I stayed for that long because it was obvious that David didn’t love me. He didn’t even like me. In his eyes, everyone was better than me. Being in that relationship really affected my self-esteem. It took me a while to build up my self-confidence and even when I meet guys who are sweet and nice to me, I’m still hesitant to date them. I’m more cautious about the people I let in my life.
Nowadays, I spend most of my days alone focusing on my mental, physical and spiritual health. I’m not even sure if I’ll get into another relationship, at least not anytime soon. However, I don’t regret the 2 years I spent in the relationship since I learnt many lessons.
Check out
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