One of my most memorable moments as a teenager was always wanting the love stories I saw in movies. I have always been a hopeless romantic and watching movies that sold me the idea of a flawed but beautiful love was always exciting. It made me look forward to my own love story.
Marcus and I knew each other from high school. One of the privileges I had growing up was that my parents never believed in same-sex schools. Mostly because they assumed that it was easier to become gay or to start unnecessary fights. Being in a mixed school as a teenager meant always trying to contain yourself as you go through adolescence. At Least that’s what I tried to do; it worked for the first two years before Marcus came along.
He stood out so much from the rest of the guys in school that his looks weren’t the only thing that appealed to me. By the end of our fourth year, we managed to transition from being friends to being in a relationship.
In most cases, high school relationships never work out. Life always has a way of changing the course of things and you both end up drifting. However, Marcus and I remained in sync since we applied to the same university. Right before we cleared high school, we made a pact to try and make our relationship work. Our first year went by really fast but it had so many beautiful moments. Since we never got to explore being in a high school relationship, we spent so much time bonding through dates.
At the beginning of our second year together we decided it was time to have sex. One of the things I liked most about Marcus was that he never pressured me. I had always wanted my first time to be special. Fortunately, it turned out more amazing than I thought it would be. So much so that we ended up doing it more frequently.
Everything was perfect until the day I missed my period. Hearing stories of teenage mothers raising their babies alone always scared me. My main concern wasn’t even my parents but Marcus. If he decided to leave me my whole life would fall apart. Surprisingly he was very supportive.
Throughout the journey, he was by my side and even took the initiative to tell my parents. This act of courage lessened the blow a bit and made me love him more. By the end of the nine months, I gave birth to a baby girl. Although being pregnant wasn’t part of my plan, sharing that moment with Marcus was beautiful.
The unplanned pregnancy was the flawed part of our story and raising our little Patricia was the beautiful part. If only somebody had told me, I was being delusional. The first few months were especially difficult for me. Marcus was still in school, and I had taken a gap year, so I was mostly taking care of Patricia alone.
To make matters worse whenever he was home, he would criticize my parental skills especially when Patricia would cry. At first, I didn’t take it to heart because he was dealing with double stress. Sleepless nights and going to school daily. When Patricia turned four months I decided to go back to school. My parents offered to help me take care of the child whenever we needed to attend classes. This made my life easier, but Marcus termed it as neglecting the child which didn’t make sense to me.
I had planned my classes in a way that allowed me to breastfeed Patricia and spend time with her. However, Marcus felt it was easier if I resumed school a year later. This started a fight between us which we ended up solving but it caused more issues in our relationship.
By the time Patricia turned one, Marcus and I had argued so much that we weren’t even on speaking terms. One fight had led to him comparing me to other mothers and women. In his eyes, there was nothing I could do right. What made it worse was every time I would raise the issue it would cause another fight. We had entered a never-ending cycle of fighting and silent treatment. This led me to wonder if the relationship was worth it.
By the end of our second year on campus, I had decided it was time to leave the relationship. I knew the conversation would be difficult, but it had to be done. My mind was made up and I knew I had to do what was best for me. Unfortunately, that thought quickly disappeared from my mind during our conversation. Marcus apologized for everything and promised to do better. This shocked me and made me happy at the same time. Things were finally going to go back to how they were in the beginning.
If only that were true. Marcus behaved nicely for a few months before going back to his old judgmental self. This time it became even worse because he would criticize me in front of other people. So not only would I have to deal with emotional stress but embarrassment as well. Slowly the thought of having the perfect relationship didn’t matter to me anymore. All that mattered was the toxic environment I was living in with my baby.
Like the first time, a little voice in my head told me to leave. However, I remembered our pact and decided to talk things through with Marcus. This time though he didn’t care about my concerns. He shouted and told me that everything he did was to make me a better mother and girlfriend. I tried my best not to cry in front of him, but my emotions overwhelmed me. The most painful part was not even leaving but the fact that I would always have to see him. He would always be the father of my child and the reason behind my first heartbreak.
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