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Why Are Working Women Are Punished For Having Children – The Motherhood Penalty And What It Means For Women’s Careers 

The Singlehood Series: I Thought Having A Baby Would Save My Marriage But It Made Things More Complicated

Despite missing our son's birth, I still gave my husband another chance to prove he could be a reliable man.

Singlehood Series by Singlehood Series
24 October 2022
in The Singlehood Series
Reading Time: 6 mins read
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John and I were campus sweethearts and everybody knew that we would get married. Sure enough, we ended up getting married right after graduation. I had high hopes for marriage life but things took a different turn once we got married. John turned into a completely different person from the guy I fell in love with. To make matters worse, he didn’t even wait to show his true colours.

As soon as we got back from our honeymoon, the cracks in our marriage started to show. In fact, we started arguing during our honeymoon but I brushed it off. I thought it was normal couple squabbles but when I asked my elder sister, she thought otherwise.

“Who fights on their honeymoon?” She asked after I explained the argument I had with John.

“We were just on edge that day but he made it up to me. We went on a romantic walk on the beach then went for ice cream.” I explained trying to cover up for him.

“I understand but it’s your honeymoon, sweetie. He’s supposed to treat you like a queen.”

I was never able to get over the experience I had on my honeymoon. Every time we went on a trip, I’d get anxious and end up having a miserable time. It got to a point where I stopped going on holiday. However, John would still go. I later found out that he used to go with his side chick.

Things at home weren’t any better. We had been married for a couple of months and I was already dealing with multiple side chicks. John had a group of friends he met with every weekend and they’d invite different young girls to party with them. I didn’t want to get a divorce since I couldn’t handle the ridicule I thought I would get.

Many people who knew John and I thought we were the perfect couple. I had to maintain that image while my husband slept with half of Nairobi. My sister was the only person who knew about the trouble I was having in my marriage.

“Since you don’t want to leave him, you should do something to keep you busy.” She suggested. “It will help you avoid overthinking.”

“Okay. I’ll think of something.”

I thought about it and decided to have a baby. Even though my marriage was falling apart, I always wanted a baby and I thought it was the perfect time to have one. I didn’t ask John about it since I knew that he wouldn’t support my choice. However, I hoped he’d have a change of heart when I told him I was pregnant.

I tried for two months and in the third month, I found out I was pregnant. Everyone was happy about the news, even John. I was happily surprised by his reaction but he seemed excited to be a father.

“I’m going to be the best father.” He bragged.

For some time, my marriage was exactly how I dreamt it would be. John came home early, brought me gifts, and catered to my every need. He even hired a house help so I wouldn’t stress myself. Things were going great and I thought it would be better when I gave birth.

On the day of my delivery, John was nowhere to be found. My sister and her husband were the ones who drove me to the hospital and stayed till I delivered a bouncing baby boy. I was so ecstatic about my bundle of joy that I didn’t notice John was missing. Hours after I had given birth, he showed up. My sister almost disfigured him with her bare hands. However, the two were separated and he was blocked from coming in to see me.

“Let him come,” I told the nurse after hearing about the commotion.

He entered with his head down and sat on the chair in the room.

“Well, are you not going to talk?” I asked angrily.

“What do I even say?”

“I’m sorry. Congratulations? Where’s my son?”

“Congrats, babe. I’m proud of you.”

Somehow, I forgave him for missing our son’s birth. I didn’t have much of a choice, anyway. Was I supposed to leave my marriage with a newborn baby? Besides, it wasn’t the worst thing he had done to me.

I was enjoying motherhood despite the challenges in my marriage since John was away most of the time. Then, COVID happened and John started working from home. Things went from bad to worse. He started getting abusive and whenever he got frustrated, he’d take it out on me.

My sister begged me to leave him but it wasn’t that easy anymore. I had a very young baby and no source of income. He also wouldn’t let me leave with my son.

“You’re not going anywhere with my baby.” He’d say whenever I packed my bags to leave.

The irony was that he barely even held our son or interacted with him but when I wanted to leave the marriage, he was suddenly interested in being a parent. I knew he was just trying to keep me in the marriage.

My sister tried to intervene but he wouldn’t hear any of it. After a lot of back and forth, I woke up one day and John had another change of heart. I was already used to it. However, this was nothing like before.

“I can’t let you continue spoiling my reputation. I’m leaving.” He said. “You can keep the house and the baby.”

He didn’t explain much after that but whatever my sister said to him must have scared him. He packed a few clothes and left and I never heard from him again. However, I hear he has been spotted in different clubs with different women. I’m just happy he walked out of the marriage.

It’s been two years now and my son has grown to be the sweetest boy ever. My sister helped me with my finances until I got back on my feet. I got a job and was able to get my own place. Most importantly, I’m no longer in an abusive marriage and I have been enjoying my single life.

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The singlehood series is a collection of real-life stories and opinions from different people. It looks at the current world of dating around the world and the experiences that people have gone through.

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