A relationship deal breaker is something like a habit or behaviour that if present spells the end of the relationship. In business, a deal breaker is a specific condition or requirement that, if not met, would cause a person to walk away from a deal or end a relationship. It is an aspect of a relationship that is considered non-negotiable regardless of how long you’ve been together. Let’s talk about the most common deal breakers and how to figure out what yours are.
Common deal breakers
Deal breakers vary from person to person. Some common ones include:
- Infidelity: for most people, you cheat and you’re out. That destruction of trust is difficult to fix. Relationships: Dealing With The Aftermath After Your Partner Cheats On You
- Abuse: abuse of any kind is intolerable, as it should be. Another deal breaker can be if the person has a history of abuse.
- Lack of communication or compatibility: poor communication and constant unresolved conflict are deal breakers.
- Different values or goals in life: differences in values and goals can cause tension. A key one is one partner wanting children and the other not being on the same page. Another is different views about gender and the role it plays when it comes to things like housework.
- Financial incompatibility or financial irresponsibility: Financial incompatibility or financial irresponsibility can create tension and conflict in a relationship and even end it altogether. 5 Signs You Are Experiencing Financial Abuse In Your Relationship
- Substance abuse or addiction: Substance abuse or addiction can be a major deal breaker for many people. Substance abuse or addiction can cause emotional pain, and financial strain, and can have negative effects on the individual’s health. How Drug Addiction Can Harm A Relationship
- Lack of emotional intimacy or connection: A lack of emotional intimacy or connection especially when one partner is guarded and closed off can make the other feel isolated, undervalued, lonely and dissatisfied.
- Lack of respect or boundaries: Disrespectful behaviour or a lack of boundaries can create feelings of resentment and can ultimately lead to the end of the relationship.
- Different levels of commitment to the relationship: A difference in the level of commitment can create uncertainty and instability in the relationship. When one partner feels they’re more committed, more engaged and invests more, it can make them feel insecure and overall dissatisfied.
How to figure out your deal breakers
Other people’s deal breakers may not necessarily be yours. For example, with infidelity, there are people who are not too bothered by that. Determining your deal breakers will involve some self-reflection and introspection. Here are a few steps you can take to figure out what your deal breakers are:
Reflect on past relationships: Think about your past relationships and what went wrong. What things bothered you about it, both the ones you spoke up about and those you suppressed? What were the issues that finally caused the relationship to end? There may be a deal breaker or two in there.
Consider your values and priorities: Think about the values and priorities that are important to you. Do you for example feel strongly that gender should not be the basis upon which housework is divvied up? What are your priorities right now, a family or your career?
Identify patterns: Look for patterns in your past relationships, such as a lack of communication, infidelity, or incompatibility. What do you put up with even though you hate it? Do you have a type you keep gravitating towards?
Think about your future: Consider what you want in your future and the type of person you want to be with. This can give you valuable insight into what qualities or behaviours you would find wholly unacceptable in a partner. This could help you identify some deal breakers.
Be honest with yourself: Be honest with yourself about what you want and need in a relationship. Think about those things you have never spoken up about in relationships but you liked or didn’t like, even non-romantic relationships. This can help you identify potential deal breakers and set clear boundaries.
It’s important to remember that your deal breakers may change over time, as you grow and evolve as a person. When you’re younger appearance may be a serious criterion of selection but as you get older, character and values begin to take precedence. It’s important to regularly reflect on your needs, values, and priorities. Also on personal weaknesses and adjust your deal breakers accordingly. Determining and knowing what you will not tolerate in advance is a good way to fortify yourself before getting into a relationship. When I was younger and abstinence was all the rage, they used to say, “You don’t decide not to have sex while in the back seat of the car.” You have to decide in advance. once you’re in the backseat of the car it may be too late. Figure out your deal breakers early and enforce them.
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