Being cheated on is one of the most painful experiences that one could go through. It’s probably worse than a physical wound at times. Every day is just another day that you would like to get through and just get home to be alone. For some time, you are in emotional turmoil. The one person that you loved hurt you and what’s even worse they have no real reason as to why they chose that path especially when you gave them your all. It is one of the worst forms of betrayal. But there are things you may go through and think you’re crazy but I am here to share experiences that prove that some stages are inevitable and normal and how to get through them.
1. Devastation: the reality hits you and you cannot help but feel crappy. Everywhere you go the first annoying question asked is ‘what’s wrong’. The feeling is heavy in your heart and if you’re a lady you will most likely feel like crying every other time and a guy will most likely have this irritated look on their face. Walking, and talking become an effort. The sun is not bright enough and everything is dull. Allow yourself to be; do not force yourself to be better because eventually, you’ll be fine.
2. Listen to every sad song: I once met someone who was very heartbroken and he kept playing sad rock songs. It was very annoying as we listened to songs such as “please don’t let go” while everyone else wanted something merrier. But the reality is those songs feel like they tell your story. The best thing I never had by Beyonce must be common around this period. So do yourself a favour and listen to songs that boost your ego, with lyrics such as you don’t deserve me, it will definitely make you feel better.
3. Self-blame: At this time, you keep questioning yourself and start blaming yourself for either not seeing the signs or for staying when you had seen the signs. Allow yourself to go through this, but not for too long. Do not change things about yourself because you think the person they cheated on you with had it better. You are an amazing person and someone took you for granted. The best thing during this stage is to keep reminding yourself of all the amazing things about yourself.
4. Nostalgia: So you and your other half had built memories all over town and everything of yours. You may walk around your house and suddenly the spoon you’re using was their favourite. Remembering small little things about your partner is normal, do not regret that it happened but do not allow yourself to live in the past. It happened, but it’s time to create new memories.
5. Anger: Crying will stop and then you realize it wasn’t your fault. As a matter of fact, you’re even mad that you dared to think that it was your fault that your partner cheated. The level of anger might inspire you to revenge and you may stalk your partner as you watch them go on with their lives. I bet your google history has searches such as ‘how to get back at my cheating ex’. Feel the seething anger but direct it towards other things such as your health. This is the energy you need to learn to make positive changes, work out and read self-empowering books. Remember you need to come out of this stage better than ever and not look like a lunatic.
6. Forgiveness: people may be pressuring you to let go and let God and all those motivational speeches. Finally, you try to forgive. This is the time your WhatsApp statuses talk about forgiveness and hatred. This may just be pretentious but you have to fake it till you make it. You may not necessarily forgive the person that betrayed you but it is important to be ok with what’s going on as you work on moving on.
7. Distract yourself: At this point, your friends are probably tired of seeing you wallow in pain. Partying and other outdoor activities will most likely be on the to-do list during this stage. Whatever it is you choose to drown yourself to make sure it does not cause any damage to your health or emotional self. This may also be the time you remember previous people who tried taking you on a date and you might have declined. Avoid using other people as a crutch as this means you will be carrying them on your emotional roller coaster ride and using them as a rebound relationship which will be unfair. Only date when you are ready.
8. Wanting to be alone: so you’ve gone through a whole lot of confusing emotions and now you feel better. This is when you’re ok with being alone regardless of whatever is happening around you. You realize that you can do all bad all by yourself. While you may say you will never date again, it’s very important to spend time alone and remind yourself of how amazing you really are. It’s time to have fun and reconnect with the people that you may have pushed during these stages.
While people are different, when it comes to certain emotions we can be pretty similar. Do not judge yourself during this time but do not allow your life to come to a halt. Take care of yourself, go to school, work and attend to your duties. Time is not a respecter of man and with time all wounds heal, eventually you will get the right partner for you.
Vanessa Raychael is a young writer passionate about writing. She is a student at Daystar University. She has written for the People newspaper as a fiction writer and she also hosts a show in a gospel station known as Vision TV. During her spare time, she likes nature trails, spending time with friends and going for events. You can check out her work on her blog nochills.blogspot.com