Sex is a deeply ingrained aspect of human connection. For all the value we put on it and all the media dedicated to it, it’s still shrouded in shame, secrecy, and a sense of taboo. This refusal to openly talk about it outside of explicit content perpetuates a cloud of uncertainty around it and the circulation of myths and misconceptions. Here are some common sex myths.
Myth 1: Everyone is having more sex
First people assume everyone else is doing it when that isn’t the case. This misconception is prevalent among people of all ages from teenagers to married couples and beyond. It makes people feel unsatisfied with their sex lives when desire has a natural ebb and flow, dropping and rising.
Myth 2: Sex means penetration
Patriarchal society has reduced sex to a single act, penis in vagina. This view is heteronormative and excludes not just queer people but women as well while centering men’s idea of pleasure. This reasoning is one of the reasons behind the orgasm gap. Consider the fact that women who say they orgasm from penetration alone is 4% or less. Sex is more than just one single act and there are many routes to an orgasm.
A related myth is that men have to ejaculate each time they have sexual contact, the idea that ejaculation is the goal. This keeps men from just enjoying the intimacy of sex because they perceive it merely as a means to an end.
Myth 3: Popping the cherry
The hymen is one of the most misunderstood body parts. It’s a membrane that lines the opening of the vagina and functions much like an elastic hair scrunchie, able to expand and shrink. It varies in shape and size from woman to woman and some women are even born without it. The myth that it’s broken during the first intercourse is false. Nothing about the vagina can tell us about a woman’s sexual history.
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Myth 4: You can’t get pregnant while on your period
While it’s highly unlikely, getting pregnant while on your period is not impossible. One of the reasons this isn’t foolproof is the fact that sperm can live inside the human body for 5 days so it could live just long enough to survive your period and penetrate a fresh egg. Proceed with caution.
Myth 5: Masturbation is bad for you
This one is likely a product of living in religious societies. There are so many myths about masturbation from making men go blind to causing sexual dysfunction in women. There’s no such thing as masturbating too often. In fact, it actually brings a plethora of benefits including releasing tension, easing menstrual cramps, and a deeper understanding of your body and what gives you pleasure.
A related myth is you can get addicted to a vibrator or eventually become desensitized. Just change things up once in a while so that you don’t get too attached to experiencing orgasms in a specific way. It just isn’t true that using a vibrator can ruin your ability to achieve orgasm with your partner.
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Myth 6: If you’re aroused you shouldn’t need extra lubricant
Too many people equate wetness with arousal which is a false comparison. Needing more lubricant doesn’t mean you’re not aroused. So many factors affect how lubricated you are. More importantly, women should use lubricant even if they are wet purely because of the benefits of lube. Lube can enhance foreplay, decrease painful friction, and increase pleasure.
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Myth 7: It is normal for sex to hurt
Approximately 75% of women have experienced painful sex at one point. These kinds of stats are why the misconception that sex hurts is widespread. Sex should not hurt. In fact, if it does hurt, you should see a doctor as a matter of urgency.
Myth 8: Men want sex more than women do
There’s a widespread belief that men want sex more than women. A related one is that women don’t masturbate. Women’s sexual desire varies throughout their lives, however, men and women experience very similar desire fluctuations throughout the week. This belief is just rooted in patriarchy, Plus, if you consider the huge orgasm gap, why would women want to have sex with men at all, much less as much as men want to have sex with them? Perhaps women just don’t want to have sex with men.
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Myth 9: Sex affects athletic performance
There’s a common belief that having sex before a game or marathon or similar activity negatively impacts your performance in the sport. This is far from true. Having sex the day before participating in a sports competition doesn’t affect your performance. There’s no evidence that a little consensual sex is anything but good for you.
Myth 10: Your sex life is about what you do during sex
The quality of your sex life has a lot more to do with what you do outside the bedroom than people believe. People focus too much on sex moves and too little on building trust and affection and strengthening the relationship outside the bedroom.
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