Weekends are always difficult for me because they’re a reminder that I’m still single. I prefer weekdays since I can distract myself with work but during the weekend, most of my friends are either, dating seriously, hosting couples’ events, planning ruracios and weddings or having birthday parties for their kids. Sometimes, I wonder what I was doing in my 20s. It’s like I went to sleep and woke up as a single, 34-year-old woman. To make matters worse, most of my friends thought I would be the first one to get married and have children yet they’ve all started families before me.
I blame it on my disastrous dating history or lack thereof. While most of my friends believed that I was wife material, I didn’t believe it. In fact, I was skeptical that I would even get married even though I’ve always wanted to have a family of my own. My childhood experience made me rethink whether I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a man.
I’m an only child of a single mother. I’ve never met my father nor do I have any interest in meeting him. However, there were lots of men in my mother’s life who played the role of my father for a few months. When I was younger, my mother struggled financially. She worked as a secretary but her salary was barely enough to take care of the bills and raise a child. She was also an attractive woman who was able to get rich men. However, most of them were married and didn’t stick around for long. So, I didn’t have the best example of a good relationship while growing up.
My mother would also warn me about men all the time, especially when I started university. I remember one time I got a huge bouquet of flowers, chocolates and a book from my boyfriend and when my mother saw the gifts she cautioned me.
“Who are these from?” She asked.
“My boyfriend,” I answered with a huge smile on my face.
“You know men don’t give you anything without wanting something in return.” She said,
I was quiet as I looked at my gifts. The excitement turned to disappointment and those words stuck in my head throughout my life. I barely went on dates and even when I did, I found it hard to commit to someone. I decided that I wouldn’t let any man use me the way they had used my mother.
My love life was more of a transaction than a companionship. I only dated men who could buy things for me and take me on trips. I never built any meaningful relationships until I got to my late 20s and realized that my friends were starting to get married. However, I was already used to a certain lifestyle and it felt boring dating a normal guy. I tried to settle down, but it never worked out. I could barely last in a relationship for more than a few months and eventually, I gave up on trying to find a soulmate.
“What happened between you and Eli?” One of my friends asked.
“We broke up.”
“Why? You guys were so good together.”
“Yeah, but he’s not rich. The man of my dreams has to be rich.” I answered.
Though I did meet young rich men, they were a headache to deal with. They were either extremely arrogant or serial cheaters which I couldn’t put up with. I was also not ready to be a single mother so I just stayed out of the dating scene.
At first, I was more than happy to attend my friends’ baby showers, ruracios and weddings. I would always think how lucky I was since I had a good career and didn’t have to settle for a mediocre man like most of them did. However, as time passed, I realized that most of them were happy. Even though they didn’t live in a lavish apartment or drive a German car, they were happy since they genuinely loved each other. It made me long for such a companionship.
My life had become lonely and boring, especially since most of my friends were too busy with their own families. It was also hard making new friends so I spent most of my weekends at home or with my mother.
“When are you going to get married?” My mother asked constantly.
“I don’t know, mum. I’m trying to meet someone but it’s hard.”
I thought it would be easier to find a partner in my 30s but it’s actually harder. At least when I was in my 20s, I was able to look past some things especially if the person I was with was rich. Since I became financially stable, there was very little I was willing to put up with. I couldn’t be bothered to start dating anyone who didn’t meet my standards and as soon as I noticed anything that was off, I’d stop communicating with the guy.
I also wanted to meet my soulmate right away which made me cut off anyone who didn’t meet the standards. Unfortunately, my standards were so high that most people couldn’t meet them.
My friends tried setting me up on dates with their husbands’ friends but it never worked out. At some point, I accepted the fact that I might not get married or have kids. It’s a painful admission but the sooner I accept it, the better. However, I haven’t given up all hope.
I decided to start going to therapy to deal with my relationship issues and I must say, they helped me a lot. I felt like a brand new person. My view of relationships changed and I was able to form genuine connections with some people.
I still have a few good years left and I’m hopeful that I will meet someone and start dating seriously. I just have to heal my childhood trauma and be realistic about my expectations without having to settle for someone who doesn’t fulfil my needs. However, I still want to marry a rich man.
Check out
The Toxic Love Cycle That Made Me Realize I Needed Therapy
Chasing Dreams Took Priority Over Love
He Didn’t Want to Get Married But Wanted A Child With Me
A Lady In My Church Whom I Respected Set Me Up With A Date Who Was In An Open Marriage
He Got Married The Next Day After We Hooked Up
He Asked Me To Convert To His Religion For Us To Get Married
