When I started dating Lamar, I knew he was serious about his beliefs and religion. Whenever we talked, he would teach me something about his religion which I thought was really cute and sweet. He taught me phrases and greetings which became part and parcel of our conversations. I didn’t think much of it. I simply thought that he wanted me to know something about his religion. Since Islam was a mystery to most people, I wanted to learn more and more.
After two years of dating, he had to relocate to another part of the country for work. I was happy that he was finally getting work since he had been unemployed for some time. However, the only issue I had with the relocation was that there were many Muslims that n that town. That wasn’t any problem for him. In fact, he was happy to be closer to a mosque and people of the same religion as he was. Unlike in Nairobi, people were more prayerful and lived according to God’s way.
“You should come and visit me here.” He suggested.
“Do I have to wear a hijab when I’m there?”
“It’s not a must but I’d like you to.”
I knew that if he lived around other Muslims, he would start putting pressure on me to become a Muslim. It had already started but I managed to shut it down quickly. However, I felt like the longer he stayed there, the more he pressured me. During one of our routine phone calls, I found out why.
“Tell her there are many Muslim women here. If she doesn’t want to convert you will marry one of them.” I overheard someone saying over the phone.
I questioned Lamar about it but he just brushed it off. After assuring me that there was no one else, he continued to pressure me to convert to his religion.
“If you were a Muslim, we wouldn’t have these issues.” He said.
“Is everyone there a Muslim?”
“No, but many of them are. Besides, I want my children to grow up in a religious house.”
Despite his best attempts, I wasn’t convinced to convert to Muslim. I wasn’t a religious person, to begin with, and my family, especially my mother, would be so mad if she found out that I wasn’t a Christian any more. So, I knew no matter what happened, I couldn’t change my religion.
However, I was deeply in love with Lamar and I was tempted to go along with him. He was also very persuasive. He stopped asking me about the religion thing for a while since he could tell that it was causing issues in our relationship.
During one of our usual conversations, I could overhear that he was in the company of other women. At some point, one of the women shouted, “Lamar is playing you.”
I laughed it off but my heart stopped. It may have been a joke but I believe there’s always some truth behind a joke. I later confronted him about it but he denied having a relationship with anyone else.
“Babe, you have to understand that I’m a man though. I have needs. I need you here with me.” He replied once again hinting at me converting to his religion.
I finally started seeing the reality of our relationship. It was either I converted to his religion or end the relationship. I couldn’t ask him to quit the job that he had tried and prayed so hard to get and I couldn’t convert to his religion to make him happy.
However, I decided to give our relationship one last shot. I agreed to go visit him and even wear a hijab but I didn’t agree to convert to his religion. It was a bit easy for me to blend in since I was told I looked like an Arab and I knew some of the phrases.
Life in the new place was better than I expected. It was simple and everyone was friendly. I started to warm up to the idea of actually becoming a Muslim and Lamar was more than excited. However, converting would destroy my relationship ship with my family and they would disown me. What if I got disowned and my relationship with Lamar didn’t work out?
I knew it was never a good idea to do something just to make your partner happy so, after snapping back to my senses, I had to end the relationship with Lamar.
“I can’t stay here anymore,” I said
“What’s wrong now? You said you like it here.”
“It’s a good place but ai can’t be the woman that you want me to be.”
“Is this about converting? We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”
“We’re already there and I can’t… I just can’t.” I said then burst into tears.
A three-year relationship had gone down the drain just like that. I don’t know why Lamar pursued the relationship if he wanted a Muslim wife knowing very well I was a Christian. Maybe I gave him the wrong impression that I could convert to his religion. After all, I was open-minded enough to learn some things about it. If it weren’t for my family’s objections, I would have converted. However, my family means a lot to me and ai couldn’t bare the thought of disappointing them.
After the breakup, Lamar moved on surprisingly fast for someone who wanted to marry me. I heard from a mutual friend that he married months after our breakup and his wife was pregnant. I was shocked but such is life. To think that I would have given up my family for a man that was ready to replace me that fast. I’m just happy I got back to my senses before I made decisions that would have destroyed my life forever.
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