Crying during and after sex is normal. The crying can be because of joy, sadness, or a powerful orgasm. Crying during or after a climax, or crymaxing, is known as postcoital dysphoria or postcoital tristesse. It can also happen outside of a climax. This is the crying that occurs during consensual sex. People of all genders experience it.
Some studies have found that more than half of sexually active women have experienced crymaxing. It can lead to anxiety, aggression, and irritability.
Why does crymaxing happen?
One explanation is that sex can trigger powerful emotions. A happy relationship doesn’t prevent the dysphoria that can come with crymaxing. In fact, a happy relationship can cause overwhelming emotional joy during sex, leading to crying.
Orgasms also shake up multiple neurotransmitters. After sex, the body releases oxytocin which is the cuddle hormone, endorphins, and prolactin which reduces the effects of dopamine. This can alter the body’s response control.
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Sometimes, it can be because you haven’t had sex in a long time. The anticipation of sex and the eventual release can make you cry. In addition, having amazing sex can cause tears.
Sex can also be overwhelming. Certain scenes, such as role-play or fantasy can enhance emotions. This can the bubble forth as tears. The thrill of the scene can cause crying. If you don’t want to experience crymaxing, try to tone down the scene.
Multiple orgasms can manifest crymaxing. Intense sexual pleasure can overwhelm you and this shows as tremors or eventually become crying. However, you can also burst into tears because the sex was subpar. If you have been looking forward to a sexual experience and it’s not satisfactory, the frustration can make you cry.
Studies show that postcoital dysphoria can be a mechanism for the body to reduce tension and arousal. This is especially common if you’re coming from a dry spell. The accumulated sexual energy can make you cry.
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Negative triggers of crying after sex
For some, sex can trigger negative emotions if you’ve had previous bad experiences with sex. In addition, it can lead to negative memories or unresolved trauma. People who have also not experienced sexual trauma can feel deep sadness, agitation, or loneliness after sex.
Another potential cause for crying after sex is painful sex. It’s known as dyspareunia. It can be caused by low or no lubrication, trauma to the genitals, UTI, eczema, vaginal spasms, and physical deformities from birth. These conditions can be medically treated or managed. Entering a sex scene involving bondage or pain play that is overwhelming can cause crying.
Sexual anxiety can also cause crying after sex. Crying can be triggered by anxiety or stress under other circumstances. The same can be true during sex. Feeling under pressure to perform, having body image issues, or being mentally overwhelmed can increase sexual anxiety. It can also happen if you feel unable to connect with a sexual partner because you’re worried about other things like your job.
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Confusion during sex can also make you cry. This can happen when a partner does something that makes you uncomfortable and you’re unable to express that. It can also happen when you tell your partner not to do something and they do it anyway. The lack of communication and reciprocation during an intimate moment can leave you with mixed feelings. Having unresolved issues with your partner and then having sex can make you cry.
Crying frequently can be a sign of depression. If you cry all the time even when you don’t have any stressors, it can be because of depression. However, depression is always accompanied by other symptoms such as anxiety, insomnia, memory loss, lack of concentration, fatigue, and lack of interest in activities. Experiencing postcoital depression is also more common among people with postpartum depression. Health & Parenting: Things You Should Know About Postpartum Depression
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What should you do if you cry during or after sex?
If you’re crying because you are experiencing painful intercourse, stop immediately and seek medical attention as soon as you can. If your partner is causing pain because of the position you’re in, try resting for a while before trying a more comfortable position.
You can also examine the reasons why you were crying. Using a sex journal or meditating about why can help you figure out whether crymaxing is a good thing for you or not. You can use points such as how much you cried, whether were you having good or troubling thoughts, or did it relieve tension. If you were crying because you were reliving an abusive event or overwhelmed by your relationship falling apart, you might need to communicate with your partner or seek mental health counselling.
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If your partner is crying, ask why. Give them time and space to collect their thoughts. Understand your partner’s emotional cues. Some people may need a hug, emotional support or to be left alone. Bring it up after sex when there are no heightened emotions to understand better if the crymaxing was because of pleasure or negative reasons. Encourage your partner not to have sex to prove to themselves that crying is an irrational response. Ask how you can help. Crying can be a sign of a deeper issue that needs to be addressed or a happy emotional response. Talking with your partner is the best way to know how to move forward with a positive sexual relationship.
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