Few things are as contentious as whether or not you should warn a friend about their current boyfriend. On one hand, if they have an abusive past, you feel almost obligated to warn someone you care about, on the other hand, this has historically not ended well for many who’ve done it. For this reason and many more, people hesitate. If you feel you must warn your friend about someone they’re considering or are currently with, here are some things to keep in mind.
Check yourself
You need to search your heart and be clear about why you want to tell your friend what you want to tell them. Just be clear you’re doing it for the right reasons. Make sure the issues you raise are significant, things like abuse and infidelity in previous relationships.
Prepare receipts
If you’re going to try to show your friend that someone they like is not good, or at least not good for them, be ready to back it up with evidence. For example, if they were controlling or abusive with an ex, show text messages, voice messages, or video evidence of them being the worst. Alternatively, make note of the clear examples of unhealthy behaviour exhibited by their partner.
Face to face
Pick a place where you’d have some privacy and where they feel safe. This is a face-to-face conversation, if there ever was one. A phone call or worse, a text message will not do when you risk hurting someone’s feelings. In this way, you get to be there for them.
Focus on your friend
Even as you explain why you think the person they’re with is bad for them, focus on why they deserve better. It’s not just that that person is bad, it’s that your friend is a wonderful person who deserves someone equally wonderful. Focus on what’s great about your friend and why they really should hold out for someone who’ll be great to them.
Prepare for anything
It could go either way, prepare for any eventuality. There could be shock, anger, a feeling of betrayal, and so much more. They could believe you, or assume you’re acting in bad faith, and reject all your claims. You have to prepare for the possibility that your friendship could suffer or even end because of it. Most of the time, your friend won’t believe you. People in love are not exactly known for making rational choices.
Let it go
Once you’ve done it, the ball is in their court. You have to leave it to them and not bring it up again unless they do it. Follow their cue going forward and give them time to process everything you just told them. They obviously don’t want it to be true, so they may struggle with it for some time.
If they don’t end the friendship and don’t end the relationship either, try and stick around for them. If you were right about their partner, it’s just a matter of time before they are hurt by them, and they’ll need you. They’ll really need you, especially if the person they’re with is abusive. Abusers often isolate their victims, so try to let them know you’re still there for them regardless of how frustrating it gets.
You care about your friend, so just tell the truth, hope for the best, and stick around for your friend. There’s not much else you can do beyond that.
See how some friends told their friend some bad news. We Had Started Our Traditional Marriage Process When His Betrayal Ruined Everything
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