Vulnerability is critical in relationships. Relationships thrive when you let yourself be seen and the other person reciprocates by letting you see them, warts and all, including your weaknesses, needs, fears, emotions and all those things you keep close. Hidden. There’s no shortage of reasons to protect yourself from the hurt that comes from revealing your soft underbelly, but that’s the price you have to pay in relationships. Getting hurt is the risk love requires you to take. For many people this is hard and if you’re one of those people, here are some ways to be more vulnerable in relationships.
How to be more vulnerable
Brené Brown says being vulnerable means sharing the most important, authentic parts of yourself with someone who matters to you and risking rejection. It means letting your guard down and showing someone else that you’re not perfect, showing them your worries, insecurities, or pain. While exposing yourself like this comes with the potential of hurt and rejection, it also opens the door to a relationship built on authenticity, emotional intimacy, and deep connection.
Take it slow and gradually
It’s going to take time to break through years of shielding yourself from vulnerability. Commit to opening up bit by bit. Share something you don’t tell a lot of people and gauge how your partner responds. Are they supportive or do they dismiss it? If they respond well, consider sharing again, maybe something bigger this time.
Gauge your partner’s willingness to be vulnerable
Vulnerability requires reciprocity just in the same way you can’t build a relationship alone. Connection requires both partners to open up so it’s important to gauge if your partner is willing to do the same, even if it may be difficult for them. Trust your gut feeling. You don’t have to be on the same level of vulnerability but they have to see the value in it and try to meet you there, not discourage it.
Be honest
Share your actual opinions and thoughts without altering them based on how you think your partner may feel about them. This also includes honesty when it comes to your feelings, say if your partner did something that hurt you, let them know.
Express your needs
Ask for what you need from your partner without assuming they know what you need from them. Invite your partner to reciprocate. Ask open-ended questions to get both of you talking.
Model vulnerability
If vulnerability is difficult for both you and your partner, you can model it for them which may prompt them to respond in kind. You can’t force anyone to be vulnerable with you but you can create an environment that encourages it as you model it for them.
Weigh the risks
Vulnerability comes with a degree of risk so you need to identify the potential positive or negative outcomes and whether it’s worth it. For example, weigh the risk of revealing something to your family if you risk being ex-communicated.
Keep practising and ditch the need for perfection
Like with any other skill, this one’s going to involve a lot of trial and error, a lot of practising before you get it right. Keep practising and being honest with yourself about your struggles along the way.
Interrogate yourself
If you’re really struggling, ask yourself why. Addressing the why can be a game-changer. Was vulnerability not modelled in your family? Are you afraid of rejection? Understanding your own barriers can be the first step to overcoming them.
Know when to stop
There are people with whom it’s just not worth it and it’s important to know when to let it go. If your partner has broken your trust or has shown you that they can’t be trusted with your feelings and emotions, then it may not be safe to be vulnerable with them.
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