David loved Patricia, and she loved him too. When two people who love each other decide to build a relationship together, it becomes a very interesting bond. Though Patricia loved David for who he was and could not wish for any other version of him, we cannot say the same for David. His was different and only he knew the state of his heart.
They met during a safari organized by a certain city travel agency. This agency sought to unite people who wanted to travel within Kenya and the company of like-minded people. So that as one explored the beautiful sites locally, he or she was in the company of people who were up for the same fun.
Both had been in complicated relationships at the time and they ended up spending time together during the trip. David knew what he was looking for in a woman. He was looking for a woman with drive, ambition, and of course charm. He wanted a woman who would confidently wear the crown of a queen in his kingdom as they built a life together.
He had crazy and sometimes seemingly impossible dreams. Sometimes, people could not help but wonder if those dreams were achievable. When he looked at Patricia, he saw a woman who had exactly what he wanted, only that she needed time to become that woman. He did not mind that though. He had all the time in the world.
Patricia spoke of her vision from time to time and it aligned with everything that David wanted.
“Much as I would like to have a family of my own, that won’t be the only thing I would do with my life, I would like to also be successful in other areas of my life,” she said one day as they were having a random conversation.
This had elated David because it was something that he wanted to hear. He probed her, even more, to be sure about what she was saying.
“By successful, what do you mean?” He inquired.
Patricia took a moment to think about that question, she seemed to be looking for an answer deep within. After a few seconds, she spoke up.
“Success to me means achieving the dreams I have. I want my career to develop gradually as time goes on. I would also want to have a side hustle meaning I will have to open a business. I am also eying the tender business at both the local and national government. I want to get all these during my lifetime,” She had explained this with so much zeal, something that left David amazed.
David found this very timely. He had wanted someone who had a mind like his so that his life journey wouldn’t be lonely as he worked on his dreams. Even better, he thought, was having someone who not only had an understanding of the life he was after but one who was also on the same journey with him. This would perfectly offer him the company he so much craved. Patririca was the one, he had made up his mind.
They started dating. Life was good. Each was happy with the type of person they had gotten. Patricia was happy she had gotten a go-getter who went after what he wanted with the bravery of a lion. David not only went after financial freedom, but he also went after the version of himself that was healthy and productive. He worked on himself endlessly. He read books that enriched his perspective, ate a healthy diet, and hit the gym thrice a week.
“Is this going to be the life you will lead for the rest of your life? It’s intense?” Patricia had said one day he found David reading a certain book. She could not fathom how he would dedicate his time to a thousand pages book.
“Yeah. I have chosen this path consciously. So yeah.” He said with so much certainty.
One thing he failed to understand was how Patricia would find his dedication to a healthy and productive life intense. He wondered if that won’t be a requirement for her dreams too.
“Why would you think this is intense? Isn’t it how a good and desirable life comes into existence?” He asked, baffled.
“I know, but don’t you think you should take it slow?”
“But I am fine babe, I enjoy life when I do these things. They are my hobbies.” He replied.
For David, dreams were to be worked on and he was only comfortable and relaxed when he was going after his desirable life. On the other hand, Patricia found dreams and visions to be distant things that only hit her mind when talking and fantasizing about them.
Talking about the possibility of one’s wishes coming into being was something she enjoyed. She could have endless conversations about a better future any day any time. However, when it came to living a life that brought about these wishes into existence, that’s where she drew the line.
This is the one thing that led to an issue in their relationship. All of a sudden, they were not on the same page as David had thought. That is where all the difference came from.
However, the so many talks that Patricia indulged in about how she wanted to be a successful woman, kept David glued to her. He was there because of hope. Hope that within no time, the lioness in Patricia that he’d thought existed would come to life and bring about a stir that his life that he so much needed.
“So, when are you going to open that company you’ve been dreaming of?” He had asked her at one point when they were having dinner.
“Very soon.” Her answer was predictable. She had always said that way whenever asked about her plans. David had even gotten used to it and he was starting to wonder if he had not made a thorough look into who Patricia was.
As he had this conversation with his friends, most of them were surprised at how David was thinking. Shem, particularly wondered why love had to be that complex. Shem thought that if David loved Patricia, then the endless wait of what she could become needed not to exist, and if it did, then it ought not to be the main determiner of his happiness.
“Do you love this woman for who she is?” He asked David.
This question left David puzzled because what kind of a question was that? Of course, he loved her and that’s why they were even together, to begin with.
“Of course I love her, can I be with someone I don’t love?” He asked in response.
Shem took a moment to digest what David had said. He needed to ask David one very sensitive question and he wanted to do so in the most appropriate way.
“I don’t know David. If you want to know what I think you’d bear with the question that I am about to ask you.” Shem treaded as cautiously as he could.
“Go ahead, man.”
“Why then does everything you say about her revolves around what she could be and not who she is at the moment?” That was a question that Shem had wanted to ask David for a long time.
Though David seemed to know what he wanted, he sure wasn’t specific about the timing. He spoke so much about the dream future he would have with his woman, but not the relationship that they were experiencing at that moment. Something that made Shem wonder if all David wanted was to chase a fantasy and never actually live the current life in a state of fulfilment.
“Well, that’s a good question Shem, but don’t you ever visualize a better version of your woman from time to time?” A question for a question.
Shem replied in a way that left David with a new perspective. “Of course I do. But that is not the main focus. I am happy with her right now and even if there’s a better version of her in the future, it is not what I concentrate on. Right now, what matters is who she is and everything she comes with. Her potential is not the main thing.”
David seemed to take a moment to reflect on what Shem had said. He remembered that for the two years, they had been together, Patricia had been the same woman. Except for a few changes here and there. Yes, she wasn’t the same woman he had known, and neither was she the version of the woman David had visualised.
The constant obsession with the potential he thought he had seen in Patricia was now clear to him. He had not loved Patricia for who she was, but for who she could become. The fact that Patricia was morphing but not into the ideal woman David had in mind, had pushed him into an even more intense obsession that perhaps one day, things would take a turn in his favour. But no, that did not seem to be the case because people aren’t programmed to follow a certain route in their growth, plus life happens and people can change.
“I see your point, dude.” David said.
The fact that David had never seen this part of what was his most intimate part of life, was an eye opener to how much he needed to go back to the drawing board on what love meant to him. For a moment, he realized that love did not have to be about business and money, but that at least, love had to be fulfilling.
“Yeah, what if the person you want to be with never really gets to attain the state that you find ideal? Don’t you think there will be trouble in paradise?’ Shem continued pushing this new agenda of what love ought to mean in David’s mind.
“Yeah. Man. That’s the truth. Been walking with a wise man unknowingly. Are you sure all these ideas come from you?” David asked.
“Love is simple. You guys want to make it very complicated while it’s not.” Shem said wisely.
“So, wise man of this social media and internet era, what is love?” David mockingly asked.
Shem’s face looked serious as he said philosophically, “Love is both a feeling and a decision to share a life with someone. Each day waking up and choosing to be with this person in their ups and downs.”
David laughed. Shem laughed too because to believe that Shem could say such words was almost impossible. He always looked like a joker.
“I am not sure about your definition of love, but I am sure whatever you said about being in love with her potential and not her was true. Thanks, man.”
David realized that Shem had a point. It was better to be with someone he felt happy with. To be with someone who ticked on most of the things on his bucket list, rather than being with someone whom he viewed as not good enough at the moment, with a hope that this person would one day attain his ideal state. He had to be careful not to fall in love with a person’s potential, but who they actually were.
He knew that he had to let Patricia go, she deserved to be loved for who she was, and not who she would become because tomorrow is not promised.
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