A sleep divorce is an arrangement between couples to sleep separately in order to improve the quality of their rest. It’s not a product of any fight or acrimony, just a practical step to improve the quality of their sleep. Here’s how a sleep divorce can make your relationship better and how to talk to your partner if you’re considering one.
Reasons why people consider a sleep divorce
A sleep divorce looks different for different couples and can involve sleeping in separate rooms or sleeping in separate beds in the same room. Here are some common reasons why people do it:
- Snoring and other sleep-disrupting activities like sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome
- Different sleep schedules or habits, like where one partner is a night owl and the mother a morning person
- A desire for more personal space or autonomy
- Anxiety or stress that makes it difficult for one partner to fall asleep or stay asleep
- Problem with body heat
- Yearning for personal space
Benefits of a sleep divorce
Better quality sleep and rest: Reduced disruptions from a partner’s sleeping habits like snoring and restless leg syndrome can lead to better sleep quality and rest. Better sleep quality and rest are linked to improvements in physical health, mental health, improved immune function and overall quality of life.
Healthier sex life: One couple credited their separate bedrooms for a healthy sex life after eight years of marriage. One way that a sleep divorce can improve sex life is that increased privacy and autonomy can make the couple feel more relaxed and missing each other can increase their desire for each other. Better quality sleep and rest can also increase energy and vitality.
Reduced stress and tension: Because the couples will no longer be affected by each other’s sleeping habits, they are likely to have less tension which is overall better for the relationship and the participants. It’s also overall better if the participants don’t feel obligated to stay awake or be quiet or make other adjustments to their sleep schedules to accommodate their partners.
How to talk to your partner about it
Sharing a bed with your partner is so normal and default that considering anything else seems like signalling to the world that something is wrong with your relationship. This is why you should approach the conversation gently and with caution so that the person doesn’t end up feeling rejected.
Prepare: Think about why you want it and ways to reassure your partner that this is not a sign of some other underlying issues. Have this worked out in your mind beforehand.
Schedule a time: Choose a time when both of you are relaxed and not tired. Make sure it’s a private place where you can talk without interruption.
Express your feelings and concerns: Share your reasons for a sleep divorce and reasons for wanting a change. Talk about how it is impacting your sleep, relationship and overall well-being. Use “I” statements because then it doesn’t come off like you’re blaming your partner.
Listen: Create space for your partner to speak and share their perspective. It’s important to listen to their thoughts and feelings and respond to any of the concerns they raise.
Discuss potential solutions: Work together to come up with different solutions then try them out. Do you want to try separate beds in the same room or just different rooms altogether? Be open and flexible to trying different solutions but don’t sacrifice your rest and comfort.
Bedtime rituals: You should consider creating pre-bedtime rituals so that if you don’t sleep together, you still have time to connect with your partner daily, talk about your days maybe even cuddle and enjoy each other.
This can be a sensitive topic, so approach all talk of a sleep divorce with gentleness. There’s no one-size-fits-all strategy, so work together to find what works for you.
Check out
Health: 10 Dangers Of Insufficient Sleep
How Lack Of Sleep Could Be Affecting Your Relationship
Health: The Pros And Cons Of Taking Sleeping Pills
Lifestyle: 8 Benefits Of Sleeping Naked
7 Ways To Fix Your Sleep Schedule Especially For Those With Irregular Sleep Patterns
