There is no excuse for cheating. None. Zero. Nil. Still, it’s interesting to interrogate why different people do it. There are many different types of cheaters with different reasons animating their bad behaviour. Infidelity is deep-rooted and more complex than it seems on the surface level. Here are the most common types of cheaters and why they cheat.
Serial cheaters
These are the ones to whom the phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” applies. These are the ones who have made cheating an art form complete with expertise about how not to get caught and ways to get yourself out of trouble. They have a whole modus operandi complete with pickup lines and best places to score like apps and hook-up sites. They are always on the prowl, delighting in the hunt.
They are very intentional about their behaviour, no accidents here. This group cheats because of the thrill or rush they get from it. They get a kick out of being rebellious and getting away with dishonest behaviour. Cheating feeds their ego and they get a rush from all that sneaking around. They only think of the immediate short-term reward, the high not the long-term consequences of their actions. They tend to have a high opinion of themselves but are also deeply insecure and constantly need validation from others.
Dead bedroomers
This makes up the largest group of married cheaters. For this group, their love life is dead. They feel lonely, unfulfilled, and disconnected from their partner. They long for a relationship with spark and passion and so when someone comes along who ignites that spark, they go along. They tend to have a secret partner who meets this need and for them, cheating is purely an answer to a problem. They are also more likely to be remorseful about their escapades. This group is also referred to as wounded cheaters. They are not cheating primarily for intercourse. This group plays the victim in their own minds justifying it with thoughts like their spouse doesn’t love or appreciate them anymore.
Emotional cheaters
Emotional cheaters’ affairs begin as a friendship exterior to the relationship. This friendship becomes more intimate involving lengthy susceptible conversations and may result in a bodily affair. This group cheats because they feel lonely or unheard in their relationship or marriage.
Compulsive cheaters
These cheaters seek out new partners and experiences even when they are happy and fulfilled in their present relationship. They have deep-seated insecurities and often struggle with commitment and intimacy in relationships. Compulsive cheaters feel like they are unable to control their behaviour. This type needs help to address the underlying issues causing this compulsion.
Revenge seekers
Revenge cheating is common enough to constitute a category of cheaters. This group is motivated by their anger, scorn, and resentment of a partner who has cheated on them. They may feel that cheating is the only way to hurt their partners as much as they were hurt. They are usually in pain and driven by rage.
Fetish cheater
This cheater has a very specific fetish or kink that is usually restrictive and that their partner may not know about, for example, because of the shame associated with it. They will go to great lengths to get that specific fix.
Sociopathic and narcissistic cheaters
Sociopathic cheaters feel nothing. They have no empathy or remorse for their actions and cheat repeatedly. They manipulate and deceive with zero concern for their partners. These cheaters lack a sense of responsibility and may blame their cheating behaviour on external factors or their partner. This can make it emotionally damaging to be involved with a sociopathic cheater.
Narcissistic cheaters have a sense of entitlement and believe they are entitled to as many partners as they please. They cheat repeatedly, lack empathy, and manipulate or gaslight their partners. It can be emotionally damaging to be involved with a narcissistic cheater.
There remains no excuse for infidelity. You’re a grown-up, deal with your inner issues alone or with the help of a mental health specialist and if you’re not satisfied, talk to your partner.
Check out
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