My worst fear in a relationship is unfaithfulness. I don’t think I can ever recover from cheating. After witnessing my father cheating on my mother repeatedly which eventually led to their divorce, I started being afraid of having an unfaithful partner. I had been lucky for most of my life to meet good women who didn’t cheat on me. However, things changed when I met Sarah.
The thing is Sarah was a bad girl and I knew it. So, why did I keep pursuing her? I don’t know. We met through a mutual friend who swore he knew the perfect girl for me.
“She’s short, light-skinned and thick just the way you like.” He said as we married at a local pub.
“Nice. When are you going to introduce her to me?” I asked excitedly.
“Let me call her and ask her to come.”
He called and to our surprise, she agreed to come. After a few minutes, I saw a woman who fit Sarah’s description walking in. My friend introduced us and we hit it off immediately. However, I kept my guard up since I could tell that she was trouble. She was more outspoken and outgoing than I was used to. Additionally, she was quite popular with the men. During our brief interaction, two men from the table next to us offered to buy her a drink. She politely declined.
At that time, I didn’t think that it would be a big problem. All I knew was that I had to make a good impression on her so she’d be interested in me. So, I went all out and spoiled her for months. Whatever she wanted I’d buy her. I would buy her shopping, pay her rent, take her out on expensive dates and buy her expensive gifts. When her phone had an issue, I took her to the phone shop the next day and bought her an iPhone. I tried my best to keep her happy and it worked for some time.
We had a pretty good relationship. She would brag about me to her friends and shower me with praise.
“You’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.” She’d say. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”
“Well, you’re the best girlfriend.” I’d answer.
“You know, my friends are always telling me how their boyfriends are cheating on them but I’m so happy you’re different.”
“I can never cheat on you, babe, and I hope you never cheat on me.”
“I promise I’ll never.”
Even though Sarah promised that she would never cheat on me, I still had my doubts. She had an alarming number of male friends and they were constantly chatting with each other the whole day. It got to a point where I had to put my foot down and ask her to cut some of them off. She did. However, nothing much changed. I went through her phone and found out that she was still on Tinder and had even texted guys since we started dating.
“It’s not a big deal. I’m just entertaining myself.” She said brushing it off.
“Well, I consider this as cheating.”
“You’re so dramatic. I haven’t even met any of them in person. How is it cheating?”
After that day, our relationship started going downhill. I couldn’t trust Sarah anymore and I was constantly afraid that she was cheating on me. When she went to work, I’d FaceTime after every hour to make sure she was in the office. In the evening, I’d go to pick her up from work and drive her to her place. Then, I asked her to move in with me which she immediately refused. So, I moved into her place. She didn’t ask me to but I slowly started bringing my things to her place and spending longer days there.
I could tell that she wasn’t happy that I had moved in but she didn’t have a choice since I paid her rent. For the first few weeks, nothing much happened but one weekend, she let me know that she was going to a work event. She dressed in a sexy cocktail dress that looked nothing like a work event outfit.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” I asked her.
“Yes. What’s wrong with it?”
“It’s too revealing for a work event.”
“Don’t worry. Everybody is wearing something like this.” She explained.
I accepted her explanation since she hadn’t given me any reason to doubt her. Apart from constantly texting her male friends, Sarah was a good girlfriend and I thought I didn’t have to worry about her cheating on me. When she got to the event, she called to let me know how things were going. After that, her phone went off. I couldn’t reach her the whole night and when it started getting late, I got worried.
I barely slept that night. Sarah didn’t come home until 1 pm the following day. She walked into the house with a big smirk on her face after I had spent the whole night running up and down and alerting anyone I knew that she was missing.
“Where have you been? I was so worried.”
“Worried or jealous?” She replied with an attitude. “You are the most insecure man I’ve ever met. I have feelings for another man. In fact, I’ve been cheating on you for months so don’t think you’ve been controlling me.”
My worst fear had come true. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest after she blatantly confessed to cheating on me. She made me question a lot of things about our relationship. Did she have real feelings for me? Was she using me? Has she been cheating on me the whole time? Am I not good enough?
I felt so broken after the experience and haven’t been able to fully recover from it. Though my close friends have tried to help me move on, it’s been hard. I keep hoping that Sarah will come back and tell me that it was all a lie.
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