Everybody (who is of dating age) has an ex. Some of them leave quietly never to be seen again. Then, there are those ones who don’t want to leave or you don’t want to let go of. Dealing with an ex can be a bittersweet experience. However, it’s important to remember that this is someone who you once loved and, most importantly, it’s someone who can still be a part of your life. Here are some do’s and don’ts of dealing with an ex.
Do
- Establish Boundaries
Remaining friends with your ex is not a problem. However, let them know that things have changed. Set down clear rules as to what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour. Keep in mind that they are your ex for a reason and, as tempting as it might be, stay clear off that path.
- Reach Out
Many people go through life with open wounds from previous relationships which can be healed by a simple conversation. There’s no shame in asking for help whether through professional help like a mediator or directly. Whatever it takes to ensure that both of you have peace of mind and can move on with your lives.
- Have Individual Lives
Once you’ve been with someone for a certain period of time, your lives tend to intertwine together. You find that his friends are your friends, and her favourite restaurants become your favourites too. Though most people find it hard letting go of these things, it’s important to have your own separate life. Think of the breakup as an opportunity to rediscover yourself. Pick up old hobbies, create new friend groups and experience life without the other person.
- Include Your New Partner
You definitely don’t want to get into a new relationship with secrets, especially about your ex. If you and your ex decide to remain friends, it’s important to let your new partner know. Then, they can decide if they’re okay with it or not. This will save you a lot of headaches.
Don’t
- Talk About Your New Beau
It’s normal to want to one-up your ex by bragging about your new flame. But, in reality, this does more harm than good for both of you. Not only do you destroy a potential friendship between the two of you, bragging only makes you look insecure. In case your ex asks you about it, play it down.
- Let Emotions Turn To Depression
Breakups come with its fair share of depressing feelings. It hits you hard but you have to remind yourself that the feelings are temporary. Give yourself affirmative thoughts and surround yourself with positive people who’ll help you get out of that state faster. Here are some tips on How To Get Over Heartbreak
- Be Vengeful
Sure, there’s instant gratification in revenge. However, this is one of the pettiest things you could ever do while dealing with an ex. Some even go as far as to sleep with their ex’s friend. The best thing to do is avoid the drama and go your separate ways. Revenge may be a dish best served cold but nobody likes cold food.
- Play The Blame Game or The Victim
When dealing with an ex, try saying more neutral things about the relationship. Chances are, if a relationship didn’t work, both of you had a part to play in it. Instead of blaming the other person for what they did wrong, praise them for what they did right. This will also save you a lot of resentment towards the other person.
On relationships, read How To Maintain Strong And Lasting Friendships
