“Please sit down, we need to talk.”
He had the saddest eyes at that moment. Like his world had just ended. But his world was okay, his world was blooming with love from someone else, mine, however, and was just about to come to its epic end.
I put down the clipboard full of receipts and to-do lists on the table next to me. I had been running up and down preparing for our wedding. I was going to marry my best friend yet his eyes only spoke of the horror that would come out of his mouth in the next few seconds.
He looked at me dead in the eye when he said that.
I tried not to choke on my own tears as I tried my best to digest those two words without ripping my hair apart.
Roy, my boyfriend of two years, my best friend, the love of my life, the guy who I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with and the only guy who my very strict parents approved of, just told me that our two years together was a complete lie. He just told me that the life I had envisioned for the two of us, our three (or maybe four) kids was not going to be my fairy tale dream; it would be his and someone else’s. a guy who I later learnt was called Nelson.
What do you do when your entire future comes crashing down with no possibility of being rebuilt? What do you do when your entire future looks at you and tells you that he only dated you to cover up the fact that he was gay from his family?
Fifteen minutes later, I still didn’t have anything to say. In my head, everything was falling into pieces and these pieces were running around on fire.
In my head, I couldn’t believe how I had gone out with this guy, had (very) hot sex with him, and fallen in love with him to the point where we decided to get married. All I could ask myself was how dumb and ignorant I was to have not seen this coming.
I mean, it wasn’t that he was out there. His dressing was modest. Actually, he took his dressing very seriously, but nowadays gentlemen in Nairobi are stepping up to make themselves more presentable to ladies. So that reason was out of the picture.
Secondly, the sex was amazing! I mean, no one could match what he could do in the bedroom and none of it felt like a pretence to me; but that just opened my eyes to how much of a crafty fox he would be especially after he told me that he would see Nelson twice a week. Mind you, he didn’t just go to see him and have drinks, they also had sex! Imagine that!
Thirdly, he never checked out guys. Maybe he did when we weren’t together but he was the perfect boyfriend when we went out together.
The list kept going on and on in my head, but nothing would make me put two and two together as to why this guy lied to me for two years.
After finally getting enough courage and strength to talk, I asked why. Why he chose to not just walk away when I said hi to him at that party. Why did he decide to buy me drinks and take my number afterwards? My heart was screaming in pain as to why I fell in love with this guy. And why he decided to love me back.
All he could say was that at the time, his father who was very ill kept pestering him about finally settling down and giving him grandchildren before he passed away. Roy, who as we now know was very gay at the time, couldn’t stand breaking his father’s heart. So as he went to this party to clear his head we met and clicked. He saw the perfect solution to end the many questions being raised by his family. After taking me out a few times, he saw a temporary way out from his father’s plight, and he saw his perfect fake bride. But in the end, he said he couldn’t go through with it.
My hands, shaking in anger at that time, wanted to reach out for the nearest object and hit him in the head because some part of me still thought that he wanted to mess with me, but I was too broken.
I managed to get myself up from the chair, pick up my bag and car eyes and walked out trying to contemplate what I would tell my elated parents, my overjoyed sisters and the over 600 guests who had already RSVP’d for our wedding.
But even with all those thoughts, “I’m gay,” were the only words ringing in my head.
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Featured Image via Adelaidenow.com.au.