I found myself in a rather sticky situation the other day when a friend of mine asked a rather obvious question, and if I am not getting ahead of myself I think I took evolution a few steps back. Keep in mind that my friend is recently wed and is still in that phase of marriage where it’s all bliss and you are both googly-eyed for each other. I only know about this because I watch too many romantic movies for my own good. In my defence, I grew up with two sisters and also romantic movies rarely disappoint in terms of storyline. No, 50 Shades Of Grey does not count. That’s just a perverted and deeply disturbed rich man’s fantasy. Tell me and be honest with both yourself, would you still feel feverish about Christian Grey if he was a poor man living in a dingy bedsitter in Githurai (I assume they have a replica of ‘Githu’ over there)?
Disclaimer: Githurai is a pretty cool place, you know if you don’t mind the overcrowding and the eternally looming possibility that your phone already has a buyer even before they can ‘liberate’ it from you. Ahh, the joys of being a Nairobian. Anyway, I digress.
So tell me would you still be so hell-bent on grabbing your 50 shades if that was the case? Hmm, would you? Ponder that. Again I digress.
So my friend asked me, ‘What does your ideal woman look like?’ Easy no? Wrong! I guess because a lady I’d had my eye on for quite a while was there and immediately turned to me. “Yes tell us”, she quipped.
I could have said that I wanted a woman who’s ‘woke’. I love that word. (Where has it been all my life?) A woman whose melanin is popping. This phrase tickles my funny bone. I truly do not understand it. I could have said that I wanted a woman that was in touch with her roots. Who knew her heritage and wore it like a crown. People, I could have said I wanted a woman who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes! Yes, a feminist. They are not such a bad bunch, just a misunderstood one.
I could even have said that I wanted a good girl, you know one who held the same opinion as I do that bazokizo should not be a dance for grown, intelligent, woke folk, or the very least one who was about church salvation and living in the light. I could have said any of those things and I’d have been in the clear.
But there’s something about being between your married friend and your crush or as they say “between a rock and a hard place”. Something about that situation just makes all rational thought vaporize like dew off a leaf. This intense questioning was not helping either. So, ladies and gentlemen, I ended up saying, ‘I’d just appreciate a woman who cooks and loves me.” With that statement, I managed to take evolution back a few years and lose a crush, in one fell swoop.
Moral of the story: do not sit next to your crush and your recently married friend.
Tony Murithi is a student of journalism and life. I write better than I talk. I am a firm believer in food, art and Marilyn Monroe. She was the embodiment of beauty and strength. In another life I’d be a black James Bond who talks nerdy, still looks dashing and loves one woman. The triple threat. I am drawn to and inspired by people who find beauty in everything around them, no matter how unseeming. I live by the words of my mother, “kama unataka, fanya kazi ununue”. Also we write, so we can taste life twice. Profound no?