If you have ever had a crush on somebody, and it did not work out, then this post is going to validate you. When I think of a crush, the one thing that comes to mind is a false intense attraction to someone, whom you don’t really know but who from the surface, looks and acts like your perfect match.
That’s my definition. Learners dictionary describes a crush as a strong feeling of romantic love for someone that is usually not expressed and does not last a long time. The Macmillan dictionary describes a crush as a feeling of love and admiration for someone, often someone you know you cannot have a relationship with.
Whatever the case, the one thing that comes off as obvious in many definitions is an inevitable disappointment. Why? Because crushes are supposed to remain crushes. You’re not supposed to fall in love with your crush, let alone get intimate with them. In many cases, the feelings you have towards a crush are not reciprocated, so you get hurt in the end. A crush should remain a crush, otherwise, more often than not, it will end in premium tears.
What happens when you have a crush on someone? You build this whole idea of who they are in your head. Since you don’t have accurate information or correct answers, you make them up. Fake scenarios almost become a part of you. Then, if you’re lucky, your relationship with your crush develops to the next stage where you start getting to know each other. When your crush doesn’t match up to your expectations, you end up getting extremely disappointed.
You may be wondering what the difference between a crush and infatuation is. Well, crushes are usually considered as an attraction or puppy love that a person may have over another person. Infatuation, on the other hand, is when a person gets so swept up in feelings of what they believe in love that they do not see the rationality of the situation. Infatuation can turn into love sometimes but crushes are less likely to do so.
The problem with having a crush is that you almost instantly start having feelings before you really know the person. Crushes can be a waste of your good time, your emotions, and your energy.
Having a crush is actually exhausting. They give you anxiety in the name of the glorified ‘butterflies.’ It also drains you of your analytical skills, because “OMG! I think they just smiled at me,” which immediately leads you down the road of hours of analyzing when you could be doing other more productive things. Then there’s also limerence, which are obsessive thoughts over which you have zero control. This is definitely unhealthy.
When you become fixated on a crush, and especially one who is not reciprocating the energy, you might be blinded. In being so fixated, we can’t see that there are other people in the world, even people who just might be as fixated on us as we are on someone else. Crushes blind us and keep our focus, especially if it’s unrequited, on the impossible.
There’s no reason why you should give someone time to value you or to see what you’re worth. No reason at all. In a world where we tend to over-glorify romantic love, be the exception to the rule. Find love in your family, your friends, and yourself.
Feeling anxious over someone you claim to be a potential partner, is itself, a red flag. Butterflies are a myth. Seek comfort, love, and genuine affection. You deserve that, and more.
Opinion: In Defense of Romance Stories
Mills and boons romance types.