Carol put her phone down for the second time. She debated whether she wanted to respond to her best friend’s message. They had had this conversation a million times before. She knew what Beth would tell her, “Babe, that man doesn’t deserve you,” and she would say something to defend him. Against her judgment, she responded. Beth had asked her what her Valentine’s Day plan was.
“I was lucky to get a last-minute salon reservation,” Carol responded.
“Oh, you have plans with Ken tonight?” Beth asked. Carol could feel the surprise in her message.
“Not exactly. He hasn’t mentioned it, so I think he’ll surprise me. I’m just staying ready,” Carol told her.
“Okay. Send me photos of your new hair,” said Beth.
Carol was shocked that Beth didn’t lecture her about her plans (or lack of them) with Ken, but she took the ‘okay’ as a win.
With Valentine’s Day falling on a Friday, it made sense that the salon was bustling with activities. Carol arrived thirty minutes earlier for her appointment. She sat next to a group of three ladies as she waited her turn.
It was obvious that the three women were headed to the same place. From the conversation between the women and one of the hairdressers, Carol quickly picked up that they had all known each other for a while. Two of the women were having their hair done, while one was getting a manicure.
As they left, the vocal hairdresser told them, “Nangoja kuona hizo picha sana.” (I’m eagerly waiting to see the photos.)
The ladies laughed and left excitedly.
It was Carol’s turn. The vocal hairdresser turned her attention to her. After Carol described the hairstyle she wanted, the hairdresser turned to one of her colleagues who was tending to the client next to Carol.
“Men can make you miserable,” said the vocal hairdresser.
“Why?” asked her colleague.
“Did you see the lady who was having her nails done?” Asked the vocal hairdresser.
“Yes. A very beautiful lady with lovely hair,” replied her colleague.
“That one. You wouldn’t have noticed her a year ago. She was in a horrible marriage. She was so thin and sad. She would come here and ask for hairstyles that hide scars on her face.”
“What? That beautiful lady?” Asked her colleague.
“Her husband was terrible. He would cheat on her with many women and infect her with STDs. Then he’d beat her when she confronted him,” narrated the vocal hairdresser.
“That’s horrible,” said the colleague.
“It gets worse. She was the sole provider as he was doing all this. Her friends tried to get her to leave him severally, but he convinced her he would change. I think he nearly killed her, and she ended up spending a few days in hospital. That was when she decided to leave him. I think this is her first Valentine’s celebration, and that’s why they were that excited,” the vocal hairdresser continued narrating.
More people at the salon joined in the conversation. Some shared their stories about similar experiences in relationships. Carol listened keenly and saw herself in some of those experiences. She thought of Ken, her boyfriend, who constantly broke her heart with infidelity, broken promises, lack of consideration and gaslighting. She thought of Beth’s constant advice, urging her to leave him.
As Carol listened to the women at the salon, she momentarily forgot that she was waiting for Ken to text or call her about their Valentine’s plans. The vocal hairdresser was almost done with her hair when she told the colleague, “Imagine if that woman was still with that man; today would have been yet another sad day for her. She’d be watching other people in happy relationships showing off their love, and her friends would be somewhere having fun, worried about her and trying not to show her what she’s missing out on so that it doesn’t look like they’re rubbing it in her face.”
“True. We must love ourselves as women and choose to do things that make us happy,” replied her colleague.
Carol called Beth immediately after she left the salon.
“Where are you?” Carol asked her best friend.
“I just got home,” said Beth.
Carol asked her to dress up, and they met three hours later. They had a meal at a restaurant Beth had been talking about for the past three months. Later in the evening, Beth turned to Carol.
“Not that I’m complaining, I have absolutely loved spending time with you but I’m surprised,” said Beth.
“You were right. Ken had no plans for us. This is the part you tell me you told me so,” said Carol.
“I wish I could delight in telling you that, but it hurts me more that I was right again,” Beth said.
Carol told Beth about her visit to the salon and the conversation.
“Those ladies looked so happy. You wouldn’t believe that woman had been through all that. I felt so stupid doing my hair just in case the man who had disappointed me repeatedly finally did something nice for me. He cheated on me again, and part of his apology was a speech about how he would do nice things for me and surprise me with dates and gifts. I really thought he would plan something for tonight. I want to be happy,” said Carol.
“Are you going to leave him?” Beth asked her.
“Yes. I don’t think I can do it today, but I promise I’ll keep doing things that make me happy until I have enough courage to walk away,” said Carol.
“It’s not the answer I was hoping for, but I’ll take it. Let’s toast to doing things that make you happy,” Beth said.
The following day, Ken called Carol. He anticipated she would be mad because he ignored her on Valentine’s, but he found a cheerful girl. Carol told him of the fun she’d had the previous night and left it at that. She stopped initiating their conversations and would only respond to his texts and calls if he texted first.
She didn’t ask him about anything besides the information he offered. Many of her stories involved her work, activities she did alone and those with her friends and loved ones. He tried asking for time with her, but she always had other plans. It didn’t take long for him to complain that she wasn’t prioritizing him.
She couldn’t feign guilt because she enjoyed everything she was doing. He lost power over her, and she moved on from the relationship.
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