Moving on is easier said than done. Anyone who has been through a breakup can tell you this. I don’t even judge people who breakup and make up all the time. It’s hard to leave someone you’ve shared parts of your life with. Imagine how hard it is to lose a friend. How can it be easy to let go of a partner? It’s not, especially when you still love them. They may be toxic or not but if you love them, you won’t be able to move on easily.
I fell in love deeply but unfortunately, I loved someone who didn’t deserve it. His name was Paul and every day I question why he approached me at the bus stop that day. Why me? Why couldn’t it have been someone else? I might never know the answers to these questions because Paul will never tell me.
“I just saw you and felt like I should talk to you.” He said nonchalantly.
However, I feel like there’s more to the story because the way our relationship unfolded wasn’t normal. I feel like he stalked me and finally got the opportunity to approach me in a normal way. Anyway, that’s not important anymore.
Before I realized it, we were in a relationship and I couldn’t go a day without seeing him. We got to know each other intimately in a short time and as the months went by I felt like I knew everything about him. I trusted him and I thought he had my back the way I had his.
Six months into the relationship, we faced a major hurdle. Paul had a cyber cafe business which was vandalized. He lost a lot of property worth hundreds of thousands.
“I can’t afford to be with you right now.” He said.
“It’s okay. I’ll pay the bills while you get back on your feet.” I offered but he refused.
He asked me to move back to my parents’ house and we would continue our relationship. I did as he told me but the relationship wasn’t the same. I went from knowing his every move to not knowing where he was for weeks.
“I’m hustling. We need money to rebuild the business.”
“Why can’t you ask your family?”
“I already asked them and they refused.”
Despite claiming that he was hustling, he never told me which kind of job he was doing. I was scared that he would be tempted to enter into illegal businesses that some of his friends were doing.
I couldn’t get a hold of him since I didn’t know where he was. Stress wanted to kill me. Eating was a problem. I was roaming up and down our area like a madwoman looking for him. His friends didn’t help ease my worry. In fact, they made it worse.
“Maybe he was killed. You know nowadays anything is possible.”
I cried for weeks after they put this idea in my head. Eventually, he showed up looking quite happy and healthy. I was happy that he was alive but my happiness quickly turned to anger.
“Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you.” I scolded him.
“I was working.”
“What work? I need to know the full truth.” I demanded.
Once I pushed him into a corner, he finally came clean. We went to a restaurant, had a nice lunch then went back to an Airbnb he had rented. Nothing prepared me for what Paul told me. He poured me a glass of wine and grabbed a can of beer from the fridge then joined me on the couch.
“I need to tell you something because you deserve to know the truth. Before I start, just know that I love you and this doesn’t change my feelings for you.” He said then took a sip of beer.
“What’s going on? Why are you acting strange?”
“I haven’t been working and I didn’t get robbed.” He paused again. “I got another girl pregnant while we were together and she was threatening to tell you so I had to close the business and move somewhere else to live with her.”
I think I fainted because I don’t remember much after that. The next thing I remember was waking up in my bed at home. I actually thought it was a bad dream and I was smiling until I checked my phone and saw a text from Paul saying:
“Call me when you wake up.”
I knew it wasn’t a dream. I got up, and dragged myself to the living room where my mum was.
“Paul was here. He brought you back because you weren’t feeling well. How are you feeling now?”
“I’m good. Did he tell you what happened?”
“No, he just told me he’ll come for you in the morning.”
I called him after having breakfast and we agreed to meet again. I went back to his Airbnb where he finished explaining what happened.
“After selling the business, I faked a robbery so you wouldn’t know what was going on then I went to live somewhere else with her. She’s given birth now but I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re my true love.”
I didn’t know how to respond at that time. However, I knew that I still loved Paul. I was angry and confused at the same time. A part of me wanted to forgive him because he wasn’t the first man to have a baby with another woman while in a relationship. However, I knew I was better than that and my parents didn’t raise me to entertain such behaviour.
I broke up with him reluctantly but every now and then, I’m tempted to get back together with him. We still talk and I’ve even met his son. He still sends me money, takes me out and visits me at home. However, when I remember that he cheated on me, the temptation to get back together with him quickly goes away.
Nonetheless, I still love him and will probably always love him even when I get into another relationship. He was my first real boyfriend and we share lots of great memories together.
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