I’ve always been the avoidant type. Whenever I sense a challenge whether in my work life, personal life or love life, I run for the hills. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve tried to face my challenges but at times, I feel like it’s too much work, especially in relationships. I believe that if it’s meant to be it will be easy. After all, my friends always brag about how their relationships are perfect and they’ve been with the same partner for years. So, why should I be the one to tolerate difficult relationships?
I finally thought I had found the perfect relationship. Everything about Dom was just right. He did everything right and said everything right. At first, I was sceptical that he would remain the same after we started dating but he was even better.
Dom always took charge of everything. Whether it was my bills or date nights, I never had to worry about anything. However, his dominant nature showed up in other aspects of our lives. He loved to control everything and he slowly started controlling my life. However, it wasn’t really an issue since I love a man who can lead.
“Don’t wear that, babe. You look beautiful in more modest clothes.” He said as I got ready.
“What should I wear?”
“I like that flowery dress.” He said, pointing at the dress hanging in my wardrobe.
Without hesitation, I removed it from the hanger and put it on. He smiled in approval as soon as I was done getting dressed.
We had the perfect date that day. He asked me where I wanted to eat, then after lunch, we went on a shopping spree. He bought me a few clothes, perfume and shoes.
It became the norm. Whenever we went out on a date, he would buy something for me. I looked forward to our dates. Even when we stayed home, they were still special.
I found myself falling for Dom quickly. Within a few months, I was already telling my friends about him which I hardly did.
“He’s the best guy I’ve ever met,” I told Kendi, one of my friends.
“I can tell. He’s doing things for you that even our boyfriends don’t do and we’ve been together for years.”
We all burst out laughing.
“I have a small issue though.”
“Oh no. I knew it was too good to be true. What is it? Is he an abuser?”
“No, it’s not anything like that. He just likes being in control.”
“How? Does he tell you not to talk to some people?”
“Somehow, but not in a bad way. He just wants to make sure that I’m faithful to him. He also doesn’t do it all the time, especially since I’ve already proved that I’m not a cheater.”
“Yeah, but if he’s controlling, he’ll always be controlling.”
“Well, I don’t mind it.”
Certainly, I didn’t mind it. It was something that I could live with and even grew to like it. I felt like he cared enough to let me know his preference and how to make him happy. That was the kind of communication I wanted in a man.
We hardly ever argued because we both knew how to express ourselves. When he had an issue, he told me immediately and vice versa. Even if it would upset me or him, it was better to address issues right away than wait for them to pile up. As a result, we didn’t spend much time resolving an issue.
After four months together, I knew what he liked and he knew what I liked. We both made sure that we did our part to make the relationship work.
Still, my friends hang on to the idea that he was a controlling man despite seeing how happy I was.
“You’re still in the honeymoon phase. That bubble will pop.”
The honeymoon phase came and went and we were still happier than ever. However, his controlling behaviour started getting worse. We had agreed at the beginning of the relationship that we could go through each other’s phones if needed but Dom started overdoing it.
He would take my phone and write down every phone number that belonged to a man then call them and ask if we had met recently.
Again, I didn’t mind it since I had nothing to hide but I felt like it was an invasion of my privacy. I needed someone who I could trust to tell me how to handle the situation so I called my brother.
“What should I do?” I asked after explaining my situation.
“I’ll advise you as a man, not your brother. Once a man starts going through your phone, he won’t change or get any better. He’ll keep pushing your limits and it’s up to you to draw that line. If you feel that you can live with being controlled, then do it.”
“I can and it’s not that bad, I promise. If it was bad, I would have left a long time ago. You know that.”
“I know. Just don’t settle for anything because of temporary happiness.”
It was those last words that hit me hard. I wondered whether I was really settling. After thinking about it, I decided to end the relationship. I thought that my future would be bad if I continued dating Dom.
Shock on me. Every man I went out with couldn’t compare to Dom. To make matters worse, he got another girlfriend and within a year, he had bought her a car, moved her to Kilimani and they were expecting their first child.
I knew Dom was the love of my life but I realized it after we broke up. I haven’t been able to move on. My life is exactly the way it was when we broke up. In fact, I think it’s worse.
There’s no chance for me and Dom to get back together since he already has a family and I wouldn’t want to spoil it. However, my efforts to find someone like him haven’t been successful.
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