I’m very new in the dating world. I might be in my late 20s but my dating experience is almost non-existent. I barely know how to tell the difference between someone flirting with me and just being nice. I’ve only been in one relationship in my life which was long term so when we broke up, I had very little experience in dating.
I haven’t had any connection with anyone since I’ve been single. Most guys who’ve approached me weren’t really clear enough on what they were interested in.
When I started dating, guys would text day and night until their intentions were well known. Nowadays, they just say “hey” and expect the girl to carry the conversation.
I had a long list of numbers from guys but none of them made an impression on me. After months of being single and searching, I met someone who had potential.
Lamar was just the kind of guy I liked – tall, deep voice and a fat pocket. However, he stood out because he was honest about his feelings.
“Hi.” He said to me as I was about to enter my apartment building.
I rolled my eyes thinking it was yet another guy who didn’t have any communication skills. I didn’t answer but I looked at him.
“Hi.” He insisted.
“Hi.” I finally replied.
“Has anyone told you that you look good today?”
I chuckled and said, “Yes, many.”
“Really? Then I’ll be the last one to tell you.” He said then moved closer. “You look really good. I like everything about you.”
“Oh, okay.”
He was getting my attention but I was still cautious.
“I’m in a bit of a rush.”
“Okay. You don’t want to take some shots with me?”
“Not today. I’m really tired.”
“Okay. Can I get your number?”
I removed my phone to type his number but he took it instead and typed it in himself.
“Send me a message.” He said.
At that point, I was ready to leave yet he was keeping me at the door.
“You’re giving me a lot of work.”
“Text me please.”
“Okay,” I said as I typed then went inside my apartment building.
“I really like you, everything about you.” He said as I walked away.
“Okay,” I answered.
I didn’t expect him to text me that night since he was already tipsy and didn’t have his phone but the following day I woke up to a good morning text from him.
We talked throughout the day and I opened up about my dating experience, or lack thereof.
“It’s hard to meet a girl like you in this city.” He texted.
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“It’s a very good thing. Most girls have too much dating experience. Let me take you on a date tonight.”
“I don’t think I’m ready to start dating yet. I still need to know you more.”
“No problem. It’s just a treat to meet a lovely lady like you.”
“Okay.”
“What time do you leave work?”
“At 5.”
“Okay. Let’s meet at 7.”
He came to the date with a huge bouquet of flowers and a pair of earrings.
“I noticed you like jewellery.” He said as he handed me the gifts.
“You didn’t have to do this. I told you that we’re just getting to know each other.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’m a generous guy and I like to give people I like good things.”
Apart from being a good communicator, he was also very generous. I was thoroughly impressed. However, I started to feel like the deal was too good to be true.
The way I knew men, especially Kenyan men, it was very hard for them to spend on a woman they weren’t dating. So, my walls went up again and I started thinking everything Lamar did had a hidden agenda.
He didn’t give up even though I gave him a hard time and questioned everything he did. He still kept buying gifts for me and treating me to dates. I still insisted that we weren’t dating and anytime he offered me anything, I reminded him of it.
“These gifts are too much, especially since we aren’t dating.” I said.
“They’re just a sign of my appreciation for you. You deserve to be appreciated.”
The man always showered me with compliments and praises that really boosted my confidence. I always felt beautiful and happy around him. However, I couldn’t give in to his advances until I was absolutely sure that he wanted a genuine relationship.
We kept seeing each other regularly for two months thinking that he would get tired of buying things for me and taking me on dates. He didn’t. He never showed up empty-handed to a date.
Eventually, I had to be honest with him and let him know my concerns.
“I feel like you’re too good to be true.”
“Have I not proved myself to you?”
“You have but I still feel like you’re hiding something. Are you a scammer? Are you trying to con me?” I asked him jokingly and he erupted in laughter.
“No, I’ve shown you my business.”
“I know. I was just joking but I still have doubts.”
“What else can I do to prove myself to you?”
“Nothing. You’ve done more than enough. I just need time to think about it.”
“Sure. You can take all the time you need.”
As much as I wanted Lamar to be the Prince Charming I had been waiting for, something rubbed me the wrong way about him and I couldn’t shake it off.
I’m still sceptical about a man who spends money on a girl even before they start dating. It feels like they’re either hiding something or trying to compensate for something.
Though Lamar never admitted to anything, I didn’t trust him and if I feel like I can’t trust the man I’m with, there’s no way that we’ll date.
After three months of knowing each other, I stopped agreeing to go on dates and started avoiding Lamar until he eventually got the message.
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