You know things are bad when your mother starts intervening in your dating life. Most mothers stay out of their children’s dating life and only speak up when things are dire. My mother is no different. She never meddles in my love life. In fact, she only questioned me once when I was in university and it was to ensure that I was being safe. After that, she has stayed silent despite seeing my relationship challenges.
I’ve had my fair share of failed relationships and my mother has been aware of all of them. Despite staying out of my dating life, I still tell her what is going on especially when I’m having problems. She doesn’t say much to help me since she knows I won’t listen either way but it’s nice to have someone I trust to confide in.
“Things are not working out between me and Nick,” I told her when me and one of my many exes were having issues.
“What’s wrong this time?” She asked.
“He doesn’t want to move in together yet we’ve been dating for over a year.”
“Why would you want to move in with him? All you do is complain about the relationship.”
After having that conversation, it didn’t take long before we broke up and I was in another relationship a few weeks later. The story was the same as it always was. Things started off great and I swore to my mother that he was the one but after a few months, I was single again.
I decided to stay single for a while. The emotional rollercoaster I had been on was starting to take a toll on me and I felt defeated.
“You don’t have a new man?” My mother asked.
“No, mum. I want to stay single for a while.”
“Why?”
“These men have broken me.”
“It’s not men. It’s the men you choose.” She said.
I didn’t ask her any more questions because I wasn’t ready to have that conversation with her but deep down, I knew she was right. I dated the same men and they all turned out to be womanizers so clearly, my taste in men was the problem.
Since I wasn’t ready to talk to my mother about it, I opened up to one of my close friends, Sharon, who had also been a witness to my struggling love life.
“Maybe I need to date different men.”
“Finally! I was wondering when you’ll realize the problem is the type of men you date.”
“Well, my mother pointed it out and I’ve been thinking about it.”
“Even your mum has noticed?”
“Yeah. It’s so embarrassing.”
“She’s right, though. You should try something new.”
“I’m not attracted to anyone different.”
“Just try.”
I tried and failed miserably. I couldn’t even tolerate someone who wasn’t my type trying to talk to me. One of my colleagues had been hitting on me for the longest time and I decided to give him a chance. We didn’t go on a second date. I found him so boring and every time I looked at him, I wondered if I would get used to waking up next to him. The answer was no.
I started to think that I had a problem. Maybe I was attracted to toxic men. Maybe I loved the drama. As usual, I shared my feelings with my mum and for once, she put her foot down.
“What do you mean you love toxic men? Do you know what such men can put you through? You better change very soon, my daughter, because if you continue like this there are only two options for you, single life or miserable life.”
“It’s not my fault that I have a type.”
“What type is that? There’s nothing good that these men do for you. Meanwhile, you reject men who are willing to give you the world.”
“I’m not attracted to them.”
“You better be. I don’t want to see or hear about another bad boy.”
My mother’s words hit hard but it was easier said than done. I had tried to date outside my type but I didn’t feel an attraction. However, I knew that I had to change the guys I was dating if I ever wanted a successful relationship.
My mother tried to set me up on countless dates with her work colleagues, her friend’s sons and even random guys she saw whenever she was out. It didn’t work. I made it to the second date with some but that was as far as things went.
“I’m convinced you need therapy.” My mother said jokingly.
“You’re so dramatic and you wonder why I’m attracted to drama. I grew up around drama.”
“Don’t you dare blame your failed relationships on me.”
“I’m not blaming you, I’m just saying. I’m a product of my environment.”
“Well, we can’t change the environment you grew up in but you can certainly change your mentality now.”
My mother did everything she could to make me change my attraction to bad boys. She even paid for me to go to therapy which I didn’t because I thought it was unnecessary. However, she did manage to convince me that I had a problem and I needed to change.
I’ve been working on myself in my own way and learning to prioritize my happiness over excitement. It’s still hard to shake my feelings for the bad boy type but I’ve made good progress.
I’ve blocked all of my exes to avoid getting back together with them and I recently went on a date with a sweet guy whom I was somewhat attracted to. My mother couldn’t have been happier. She’s now more relaxed and she doesn’t meddle in my love life anymore.
I know I’ll be able to move on from the relationship challenges I’ve been through in the past and have a stable love life. I’m getting less attracted to guys who look like my exes. In fact, whenever I see one, I’m reminded of how bad I used to feel when I was with them and how happy I am right now.
Check out
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