I know I should be grateful that I have a mother who cares about me but I can’t stand her persistent calling anymore. I’ve reached a point where I envy those who don’t have a close relationship with their parents. Sometimes, I wish my mother would just leave me alone. I think she doesn’t realize I’m an adult with a social life.
One of my mother’s most annoying habits is that she calls me all the time. She wants to know where I am, who I’m with and what I’m doing every single minute of the day. We’ve always been close and she’s always checked in on me. However, I hoped that she would back off a bit once I reached a certain age. She never did. I’m a 30-year-old woman who talks to her mother multiple times a day.
“Is that your mother calling?” Violet, one of my colleagues, asked.
“Yes,” I replied in a frustrated voice as I unlocked my phone to pick up the call.
“Hello, Betty.” My mother said when I answered the call.
“Hi, mum.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m at work.”
“What are you having for lunch?”
“I’m not sure. I’ll know when I go to the cafeteria.”
“Have you seen what I sent you on WhatsApp?”
“Not yet, mum.”
“Make sure you read it carefully. It’s an article about ovarian cancer.”
“Okay. Thank you. I have to go back to work.”
“Okay. Bye, honey. I love you.”
“Bye. Love you.” I mumbled and hung up quickly before she could think of something else to tell me.
After hanging up, I looked at Violet and knew exactly what she was thinking. We both burst out laughing before resuming work.
“Ian is complaining about my mother’s constant calling,” I said to her.
“Already? You haven’t even been together for that long.”
“He started complaining from the first date.”
“Forget about him. Any guy who doesn’t appreciate your relationship with your mother isn’t worth it.”
“I know. I think I’m going to break up with him.”
We didn’t even last more than a week after having that conversation with Violet. I was sad about the breakup but I knew Ian wasn’t the man for me.
For the next few months, I went on several dates which all ended in disaster. Every guy I met complained about the regular calls I got from my mother. Some even went to the extent of insulting me and calling me “immature”.
“How are you going to build your own life if you’re always talking to your mother?” One asked.
I understood what he was trying to say but he was wrong. My mother had played an important role in my achievements. She taught me a lot and I used her advice to navigate through life. So far, I had been very happy with the way my life turned out.
Nonetheless, most of the men I met thought otherwise. I had to take a break from dating since it seemed like I was meeting the same guys. They all had an issue with my mother.
Violet noticed that I was getting discouraged from the countless failed dates and decided to set me up with one of her friends.
“He’s a really nice guy and I’m sure he won’t have an issue with your mother.” She explained as she gave me his number.
“Okay, but I’m very close to giving up completely on dating,” I said.
“Don’t worry. I can promise you that David won’t disappoint you.”
David contacted me later that week and we set up a date. The first date was a success and so was the next one. We got along great and I believed that David would be different.
Just as Violet had promised, he didn’t mind that my mother called me all the time. He even talked to her on several occasions.
We dated for almost two months without any problems. All of a sudden, David stopped picking up my calls and replying to my messages. I assumed his phone had an issue so I didn’t worry about the silence. However, a week passed without hearing from him which was unusual. Violet hadn’t heard anything from him either and any attempts to reach him were unsuccessful.
“What happened to David? I haven’t talked to him in a while.” My mother also started asking about him.
Everyone was worried and I was starting to consider going to the police to file a missing person report. However, Violet came the following day with some news about him.
“I was able to contact David.” She said nonchalantly.
“Where is he? Is he okay?” I asked frantically.
“He’s good.” She said then looked at me.
“What’s wrong? Why do you look so sad.”
“I’m sorry, babe. He said he wants nothing to do with you or your mother.”
I wasn’t surprised or sad about it. I was already used to it and even though I hoped things would be different, I knew it was only a matter of time before David also got fed up with the calls.
After Violet shared the news, I simply chuckled and went on with my work.
“I’m never dating again,” I said.
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m serious. I’m not wasting my time anymore.”
“You’ll meet your ideal man.”
“I’ve met enough men to know that I won’t meet anyone who will be okay with my relationship with my mother.”
“Maybe you should try and reduce how often you talk to her.”
I knew all along that my relationship with my mother would have to change if I wanted to have a successful love life. However, I didn’t want to admit it to myself.
I still haven’t convinced myself to completely change the relationship but I’m slowly getting used to the idea. The challenge will be convincing my mother to reduce the calling but once I’m ready, I’ll have to do everything it takes to change the relationship whether she agrees or not.
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The Singlehood Series: The Girl Of My Dreams Turned Out To Be A Mama’s Girl
