I never really knew I had a type until I met Benson. Physical looks are great but the one thing I look for when it comes to dating is an intelligent man. A man who can express his thoughts and give accurate points on different subjects of discussion. My sister loves telling me that I use too many words to describe a smart man. However, being smart in my view isn’t enough, how you view things is very important to me.
What I first liked about Benson was how he presented himself. He was a smart casual kind of man which was very attractive. We met at a conference which was random but exciting. I planned to attend the conference for a short while and then leave because of my busy schedule. However, the moment he started asking questions I was intrigued. His voice was soothing, and I liked how he was able to effectively ask what most people were thinking.
I could tell that other people were also impressed by the way they nodded their heads. At the end of the conference, I was eager to approach him but didn’t want to seem desperate. Luckily for me, the odds were in my favour and we bumped into each other at the entrance of the hotel.
“Hey, just thought I would let you know how stunning you are,” He said with an amazing smile.
That sentence alone was enough to swoon me. I tried my best to contain myself but failed miserably. The moment I thanked him, he asked for my number, and I gladly gave it to him. In my head, I had created this fantasy that we would end up being this amazing couple. The kind that learn from each other and get to create a beautiful unbreakable bond. Nevertheless, I still tried to maintain my excitement.
Benson didn’t text me for a couple of days, but I didn’t mind. Since the conference was meant to last for a week, I knew we would see each other. True to my thoughts, we ended up talking in person for the rest of the conference days. The following week he kicked off our text conversation and I was so happy. Everything was so blissful until one random day when he posted a status that baffled me.
The status read “If you slap her and she apologizes, get a loan from the bank and marry her before December.” My first thought was that it was a joke, so I called him.
“Hey beautiful,” He said.
“I have just seen your status. Did you mean it as a joke?” I asked.
“Nope, it’s a sign of respect and loyalty,” He said.
“You support violence and women staying in abusive relationships?” I asked.
“No, I don’t. However, if you found yourself in such a situation would you challenge your man?” He asked.
“I would leave for good. I can’t stay in a relationship with a person who believes violence is the best way to solve issues,” I replied.
“You see, this is the reason why divorce rates are high these days. Women don’t want to endure what our mothers endured. A small issue arises, and the solution is to divorce instead of apologizing and saving the marriage,” He said.
“Do you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth? Women die from domestic violence almost every day. How can you slap someone and expect them to apologise? That’s toxic behaviour and you should be ashamed,” I said.
“I don’t support domestic violence. However, what happens if you make your man upset to the extent of him hitting you? What would be your reaction as a disciplined woman?” He asked.
“I would gladly leave. Misunderstandings are normal in a relationship, but they can be solved by effective communication. Building a relationship requires patience and understanding, not violence. I am honestly disappointed in you,” I replied.
“Because I said the bitter truth?” He asked.
“This isn’t the truth; it is your opinion. I am sure that your parents have upset you countless times but you don’t hit them, right?” I asked.
“Yes, because I respect them,” He replied.
“Then why is it so hard to extend the same to someone else, especially someone you claim to love? Respect is earned and not enforced. Also, my father never once laid a hand on my mother. He always told my brothers to never raise their voice or hit anyone, especially a woman,” I replied.
“You are getting too personal with this story, I was just voicing my thoughts,” He said.
“How would you feel if you had a daughter and then your son-in-law posted what you posted?” I asked.
He didn’t respond.
“I rest my case,” I responded before hanging up.
Benson didn’t call or text me for three days which was honestly such a relief. The conversation on domestic violence made me view him in a whole different light. The following week though he called me.
“Are you ready to apologise? I have missed talking to you,” He said.
“Excuse me? Apologise for what?” I asked, trying to contain the anger that was building up inside me.
“You lectured me like a child because of an opinion,” He said.
“There was nothing left to say, Benson, the fact that you think you deserve to be treated like a prize is a red flag,” I said.
“Babe don’t be like that, you know that I would never lay a hand on you,” He said.
“I am not your babe and going forward we are nothing to each other. Kindly refrain from reaching out to me again,” I said and hung up the call.
A few minutes later he called, and I hung up. Deep down I had a feeling that he would keep nagging me, so I decided to block him. There is nothing that scares me like being with an abuser and worst of all being with a potential abuser. I didn’t want to judge him but after our conversation, I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how he addresses issues. Better safe than sorry.
This story was inspired by a story shared on Twitter that you can find here
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