Sometimes we accept things because growing up we saw them happen and we accepted that they may just be normal. Sylvia got caught up in this trap without even knowing it. Before she knew it, she was in too deep and didn’t know how to get out.
She met this man at a club one night when she was out for a friend’s birthday. Ed Sheeran warned us that the club isn’t the best place to find a lover but it seems she didn’t heed the warning. She was seated as her friends were dancing and screaming at the beginning of every song saying “That’s my song!” A man, tall, dark and extremely well dressed approached her and started talking to her. Although she was deeply introverted she found herself talking to him. She couldn’t help it. He was handsome and they seemed to have a lot in common.
Her friends, drunk as they were, did not help the situation. One of them went ahead to yell “Wow, what a beautiful human being!” and Sylvia was super embarrassed. Their conversation progressed to a point where she was comfortable enough to leave her friends and join him and his friends on their table. A complete stranger she had just met. Crazy, right?
At around 2 am, Sylvia was ready to go home. When she told him, he offered to drop her. It never occurred to her that this man was super drunk and clearly not alert enough to drive.
“I mean, I live a few minutes away from you, and I’m ready to go home. So let’s just go. I can drop you,” he said. His words were slurry and it was obvious that he was drunk.
Once they got to her house he asked if he could get in. He had been driving so recklessly that Sylvia thought it may just not be a good idea for him to continue driving. So she quickly allowed him in.
One thing led to another and the two of them had sex that night. In the morning, the man quickly got up and left. But something about their passionate encounter led him back to her, over and over again.
Their relationship was completely undefined. It was a friends with benefits but they were much more than friends. He had asked her out several times but she said no because she was scared of committing to him. They went on cute dates and did what cute couples did, but they claimed to not be in a relationship. Sylvia recalled later on that what she was running away from was not the love but his aggressive nature. He would grab her hand tight whenever they were together, and sometimes when he was in a bad mood he raised his voice at her.
One day they were at the mall. She was buying a dress at a shop. They lost each other in the store when she went to try the dress out. When she came out, she noticed a lot of commotion at one corner of the store. She decided to walk around and continue looking at outfits, but then she realized that the voice was familiar. That was her man, yelling at the top of his voice. She went closer to find out exactly what was happening. Apparently the store employee had given a white man privilege over him. That was definitely reason to be angry, but it wasn’t reason to cause all that commotion.
“Baby, just relax.” She said, trying to cool him down.
“Don’t tell me to relax. This man deserves to be fired!” He said loudly.
She tried to hold his arm but he pulled away aggressively. Sylvia was so disgusted that she chose to walk away. She went straight home and started to prepare for her dinner with the girls.
One thing led to another and she eventually forgave him. There were times when their relationship experienced extreme highs. Things were perfect. She even decided to let go of her vulnerability and accept his proposal to be in a relationship with her. Other times, they went even two days without talking.
On one particular night, he was spending the night at her house. Sylvia had gotten so lost in her work that she couldn’t cook. She assumed that they would just order something. When he got there she knew he was in a bad mood from the get go.
“Hey, what’s up baby?” She asked.
“Hi,” he responded as he walked in.
He sat on the couch, took the remote and instantly started to fiddle with it. Sylvia chose to ignore him. She went on with her work.
“What are we having for dinner?” He asked rudely.
“Let’s order something. I didn’t get the time to cook anything.”
“Didn’t get the time to cook? Hmm…” He stood up angrily and walked towards her.
“Didn’t get the time to cook? What were you so busy doing? Or should I ask, who were you busy doing?”
Sylvia was as composed as could be. She calmly asked him to take it easy. Reassured him that she was busy with her work and nothing more.
“We can go out for dinner then, I’m almost done.”
He grabbed her by the hair and she started screaming. He pulled her to where he had been sitting.
“What’s the matter with you? It’s been a whole year. I don’t expect to entertain such nonsense.” He said loudly.
Sylvia was embarrassed because she thought the neighbours had heard.
“Okay darling. Take it easy. I’m cooking for you in a few minutes.” She said. She got up and made such a nice meal that all was forgiven. They had sex again.
Sylvia’s friends had warned her about this man several times but she didn’t listen. She always excused him saying he would eventually change, but that never happened.
There were times when he hit her to the point that her eyes were swollen, but again when she was asked she lied about it. In less than no time, her face was full of scars and she looked miserable. But somehow she still stayed. She loved him, and she thought she could handle it.
It had been two years, and the two of them were celebrating their second anniversary. They had a fancy dinner at a high end restaurant. Sylvia took a bathroom break and when she was coming back she noticed that he had been seducing the waitress. She had noticed earlier on but chose to ignore it. She found when they were exchanging numbers, and this angered her so much but she chose not to cause a public scene.
“You’re cheating! You’re cheating on me!” She said loudly as soon as they got into the car. He ignored her initially but she continued to shout.
“So what? I’m a man. I have hoes. What are you going to do?”
She told him to stop the car, she wanted to get out. But he didn’t listen. She yelled and yelled and eventually held the steering wheel and directed it to the side of the road. He pushed her head so hard that it hit her window. Still consumed by anger, she continued to scream and shout.
“This relationship is over! I never want to see you again! I put up with you when you hit me. You abused me! I can’t take it anymore!”
The man drove faster. He said that if he couldn’t have her, nobody else could. He drove into a ditch and there was a loud bang.
Sylvia woke up in the hospital a few hours later. It was then that she realized that she was actually dating a psychotic man. She had ignored so many signs in the name of love, and now although bedridden, she finally got a sense of clarity. It was time to leave.
Here are more articles from The Singlehood Series
The Singlehood Series: She Fell In Love With A Man Who She Thought Was Perfect But He Turned Out To Be An Abuser
Single Lady In Nairobi: When Childlessness Takes Its Toll
What’s love got to do with it? A story on domestic violence.
The Singlehood Series: My Fiancé Is A Serial Cheater With 9 Kids From Different Women
The Singlehood Series: My Best Friend Found Out She Was The Other Woman Plus There Were 2 Baby Mamas After 2 Years