There are times in your life when you feel like everything is stagnated. You look around at your peers and they are getting married, having kids, getting promotions, launching startups, or joining a coveted position at a prestigious fellowship. But you, you’re stuck at a dead-end job or unable to find one and your relationships go nowhere. Your friends, and siblings all appear to have left you behind in the rat race.
Everything you attempt to do seems to be unsuccessful. Even losing weight or dropping a bad habit like smoking clings to you like cobwebs when you walk through an old house. Your life is a cycle of monotonous routine and you’re at an age where you should be accomplished. But you feel like you should be doing a lot more like travelling, making brilliant investments, or starting a vanity project to help you enjoyably create profit. This feeling is sometimes a sequel to the quarter-life crisis. Except when you’re older, you have more awareness of the systemic limitations you’re facing. Realism and cynicism replace optimism and it looks like stagnation is your new life sentence.
However, thinking like this is dangerous. It can make you stop trying to pursue your dreams or avoid meaningful interactions with people. Losing confidence in yourself, and feeling like a victim of circumstance can lead to poor mental and physical health. It’s important to remember that setbacks are temporary but there are still things you can do if you feel like your life is going nowhere.
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1. Reflect on how far you’ve come
You’re not the same person you were a few years ago. Even though you struggle with your other short-term goals like weight loss or dropping bad habits, you are still not the same person you were a few years ago. Think back to when you left college and see how much you’ve survived, and how far you’ve come. Think about all the things you’ve dared to try even if they didn’t work out. You’re not unchanged. Your circumstances may be static but you’ve grown.
2. Think about what you want
How has your life become monotonous? Is it a dead-end job? A bad relationship? Superficial friendships? What do you want to change? Think about the future you want. How can you make it happen? If you want to switch it up with your career, what steps do you need to take to get a better job? Say you need to go back to school, how can you make that happen? Come up with a plan. Look up all the schools you can attend, and how to pay for the education. Perhaps your current job has opportunities where they can help subsidize your school fees or you can try scholarships or a bank loan.
Write down the steps you need to take to make the differences you want to see. Don’t base this based on movies, what you see on social media, or what other people tell you. Remember that your vision of the future can also change as life continues to change. If you can’t afford to go back to school, that’s a dream that will have to be postponed but not lost. Find alternatives for academic self-improvement. Open your mind to finding opportunities. Separate from friends and partners with whom you don’t have any meaningful relationships, or try to make them deeper by being honest with each other.
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3. What are you missing?
For many people who feel stuck, the one thing they’re likely missing is money. It’s also important to dig a little deeper and see what else is lacking. This can be meaningful relationships, a support system, a safe environment, a good job, or good habits. Once you know what you’re missing, you can start setting goals to start acquiring them.
For example, if you need more money you may need to find out how to generate passive income. Or look into investment opportunities for beginners. This may take some time because you need to find a way to save money before you can finally invest. Avoid taking loans or getting into more debt.
If you need better friendships, you can try to meet new people who share similar hobbies. This can be from church, book club, or social media. Try to be more open, honest, and vulnerable with people for the friendship to have the chance to grow. This is also how you get a support system where you can be mutually supportive with your friends.
Getting a good job requires treating job applications like a full-time job. Find postings that align with what you want and keep applying. Creating good habits requires consistency and telling your friends can help you remain accountable.
4. Start small
Some changes take a lot of work and a lot of effort. Starting all of them at once can make it difficult to remain consistent. If you fall off the wagon, you’re less likely to get back on and try again. According to Flinders University, this is because it creates a self-defeating loop. When you fail to remain consistent with the required habit, this leads to negative psychological consequences like shame and criticism. This then leads to low motivation which means you fail to acquire the habit.
Starting small helps make it easier to build larger habits. Depending on your lifestyle, if you want to lose weight, you can start by dropping sugary drinks and replacing them with water. You can also drop sugar. Building better habits requires consistency. Starting small like reading 10 pages of a book before bed or doing stretches for 15 minutes every morning makes it easier to eventually develop major habits.
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5. Start a gratitude habit
Any gratitude habits help you keep things in perspective. Write notes at the end of each day where you list what you’re grateful for. You can also keep a gratitude journal and list what you are thankful for. It can be simple things like seeing the moon or a flower you picked on your way home. Try to live in the present and not get lost in the quest to make your life improve.
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6. What to avoid
Changing your life will take a lot out of you. Understandably, you want to be as happy as your successful friends and family. Try to avoid making comparisons. Don’t ask your friends what they were doing when they were your age. You don’t have similar privileges and likely made different decisions. Comparisons will only serve to discourage you if you haven’t achieved what you want to. 5 Ways To Deal With Comparisonitis (Comparison Syndrome)
Don’t set a timeline. Life doesn’t change on your schedule. This also creates a lot of pressure on yourself and can make you indulge in unhealthy habits. For instance, if you want to get a better job within three months, you can end up overworking yourself.
Don’t bottle up any frustrations. Tell your friends, loved ones, or a mental health professional when you feel down. Sometimes feeling like your life is stagnant can be a symptom of depression. If you are having a mental health crisis, you may struggle to make the changes you need to transform your life. You can also get the services of a life coach to better unlock your potential. Unlocking Your Potential: The Power Of Life Coaching In Personal Growth
Avoid blaming other people for where your life is. Even if it happened because you listened to someone’s bad advice, it helps no one if you blame them. Take responsibility for your choices, learn from your mistakes, and do better. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Self-blame is an indulgence in narcissism. Allow yourself to feel frustrated, bored, and angry but don’t wallow. Move on to the next right step you need to take.
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Check out:
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5 Ways To Deal With Comparisonitis (Comparison Syndrome)
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