Sometimes when you are looking for your prince you have to kiss a few frogs. But it can be frustrating kissing frogs. Sometimes you want to find your Prince and when a friend suggests Tinder after dating frustrations one is like why the hell not? I have tried everything else, maybe I will find the guy on Tinder. And if not my friend told me it was fun so what did I have to lose? It was time to try online dating. So I got on Tinder and before long I was swiping on faces I had never seen before and hoping I could find somebody I could (maybe) spend forever with. I had swiped around 20 faces before getting a face I liked. It was a goddamn match and he was hot. I liked what I saw and I was like this is not too bad.
Now that I had found potential boyfriend material number one I had one less problem. But even though I am a modern girl I am still kind of old fashion, so I waited for him to make the first move. I won’t be the one texting first, so I got into the waiting game. I poured myself a cup of hot chocolate, sipping as I waited. 2 cups later still no message from the face I picked. I went to his profile and saw more pictures of him. I liked everything I saw; from pictures of him mountain climbing (he loves adventure and I do too – yes), to pictures of him playing golf (one day I’ll afford gold), to pictures of him flying.
His Tinder name got me to his Facebook profile. All this because he hadn’t sent me a message – what was he waiting for? Anyway, Facebook had more pictures and more reasons for me to think we would suit. According to his profile, he loved watches, cars, travelling and food. He loved food and food is bae so I was like he is the one. He still hadn’t texted so I thought ‘the one’ dream was currently on hold. I continued swiping. There could be a better face if I keep swiping. Maybe it will be a match and I’ll get a message immediately. There was no better face.
I started thinking maybe something happened to him. Something bad. Why wasn’t he getting back to me? Didn’t he know we were soul mates? Or maybe he died, but there are no RIP messages on his Facebook. I decided to forget about him thinking sadly he was missing out on a good thing. Not enough for me to text him though, I prefer a man to chase me, I am not chasing a man.
Two weeks later, I got a message on Tinder; it was him. My dream face finally writes. We talked for weeks but never exchanged contacts. The conversations were random. We talked about anything and everything. Fast forward, he asked me out on a date and called every day and night before the date. Date day came and he called in the morning to confirm if we were still on. The date was at noon, I needed ample time to get ready. I rarely keep time and it’s nothing to be proud of. I was ready by 11 and by 11:15 I was out of the door. You know the way you dress up for a date and you are looking so sizzling hot even your mirror is like damn is that you. Yes, I was bringing my A-game. There was zero traffic so by 11:30, I was at the hotel.
I walked in and I looked around hoping he had gotten there as early; he wasn’t there. A lady met me halfway as I was scanning the beautiful location and asked me about the size of the table, I proudly said, ‘Table for two please.’ She pointed me to a hidden corner. That corner was the real deal, especially if we needed to kiss on the first date (a girl could hope).
I ordered juice and told the waiter I would order food as soon as my date arrived. My glass of juice was delivered immediately and I started sipping it as I looked at the time. I would occasionally check my Twitter timeline and his, and his Facebook of course, but there was nothing I hadn’t seen there before. I spent time scrolling Twitter and time just flew by. The next thing I knew, it was 1215. He was 15 minutes late? ‘Maybe he’s in traffic,’ I thought to myself. I decided to give him till 1230 then I would call, and call I did. The phone rang but nobody picked up.
This was it, this man had stood me up. I could feel my ears becoming hot, but what to do? I didn’t try calling again. My juice was almost finished. I was nervous and hungry. I decided to order food. I signalled to the waiter and as she walked to me, my phone rang. It was my date. I looked around before picking up; there was no human being around me talking on their phone.
I picked up and his, ‘hello’ sent me into a panic. He sounded sick. No way that was the same man who called last week and this morning to confirm our date.
“I am so sorry I smoked weed and passed out,” he said. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Do you mind coming to my house instead?” he asked.
“I am sorry but that was not the plan,” I said. I told him “It’s okay, we can plan for another day!”
He said no, he had a better idea and I listened, “Why don’t you come to pick me up since my car is at the garage and…”
I hung up before he finished with that. Ridiculous! Does this man know what it means to waste an outfit, the hours spent looking good for this date and time? Does he know? The waiter was still standing next to me, I asked her for my bill and my phone rang again. It was him, I picked up.
He asked, “Did you hang up on me?”
“Yes, I did!” I wasn’t going to apologize for hanging up and I think he realized I was mad. He asked me to give him ten minutes and he would be there. I said okay but I didn’t care. I was waiting for my bill and as soon as it came I planned to leave. My bill took forever, or maybe I was just too impatient and mad to wait.
I scrolled my Twitter TL to stay sane. I could feel my makeup sweat out. My ears were so hot that’s how mad I was. It was already 1 pm and I was ready to leave. I saw a shadow right in front of me and I looked up to ask the waiter why she took so long and alas, it was the face. The face of a latecomer. The face of happily never after. The face of nonsense.
“I am so sorry I am late, please forgive me,” he pleaded.
I just sat there looking at him. He took a seat and my bill came through. I paid and left him there. As I walked away, he stood up and followed. He told me “Please don’t leave, I am sorry.”
I didn’t care, this was not the movies where all would be forgiven and we would embrace and have a magical kiss. This was another frog masquerading as a prince.
I needed to make sure my outfit didn’t go to waste. I got into my car, called an old-time crush and we went for cocktails and food elsewhere and that was a better date. I blocked the face of happily never after on every platform he could reach me on and that was the end.
I Went On A Date With My Instagram Stalker Without Knowing It
He Asked Me Out On A Brunch Date But Took Me To Church Instead
My Date Offered Me Money So I Could Leave
I Had Three Crazy Tinder Experiences Which Forced Me To Delete The App
The Singlehood Series: My Friends Found Out I Was Dating An Older Woman
The Singlehood Series: The Beautiful Date With Bad Table Manners
***Single lady in Nairobi is a collection of real-life stories and opinions from different women. It looks at the current world of dating in Kenya and the experiences that ladies have gone through. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the contributors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of Potentash.com.