As a man, I never thought that I had to worry about another man sabotaging me. I grew up knowing that other men had my back and would always want the best for me. On the other hand, I used to believe that women were their own worst enemies. We’ve heard it so many times that many of us simply accept it as fact. I thought that women hated seeing other women progress and did everything in their power to keep them down.
While that might have been the case with the age of my mother, millennial and Gen Z women are all about supporting and uplifting each other. I saw it firsthand when my girlfriend got a call while she was driving to her job interview and it was a wake-up call for me.
Maureen came home with an excitement I hadn’t seen in a while. She dropped her bag and then came to where I was seated.
“You won’t believe what happened.” She said as she sat down.
“What?”
“I got a job interview.” She shouted.
I knew exactly which job interview she meant because it was all she talked about since she saw the job opening.
“I’m so happy for you,” I said while hugging her.
“Thanks. I need to start preparing for the interview. I don’t want to ruin my chances at all.” She said, then grabbed her laptop and started scrolling through some documents.
I looked at her in awe, wondering how she had become so confident in herself and her abilities. To be honest, it was the first time I was dating someone who was on her level. She was in the upper echelon of the public service sector and now, she was about to get a better position.
I, on the other hand, was struggling to become a published author. Nonetheless, I was happy for her. At least, I got to enjoy dating a powerful woman.
A few days before her interview, we were driving towards Westlands to go and grab something to eat at one of our favourite restaurants. As we were driving, Maureen got a group call from her friends and her supervisor.
“Are you ready for the interview?” Her supervisor asked after exchanging pleasantries.
“Sort of. I still feel like I need to brush up on a few things.”
“Like what?”
She proceeded to tell them all the areas she felt like she wasn’t completely ready for and they all shared their advice. They also arranged a mock interview session later on.
“Okay. Thank you so much, ladies. I’ll see you later.” She said then hung up.
A few minutes later, two men called her to give her advice on her upcoming interview as well. It started to make sense to me why Maureen was as confident as she was. She had a whole group of friends rooting for her. Everyone wanted to see her win and did whatever they could to help her.
I won’t lie. I felt a little jealous. No one had ever called me to coach me before an interview. I can’t even remember the last time a friend called me to give me helpful advice. Most just call when they need money or when they want someone to watch football with.
I didn’t have any mentors nor did I know any man who did. The last time anyone coached me was when I was 13, on a soccer pitch. Yet, Maureen was in her 40s and still being mentored by some of the same people who mentored her when she was in high school.
“Bro, can you remember the last time you were mentored?” I asked one of my close friends while caught up in our local bar.
“Mentored?” He said and laughed.
“Don’t laugh, bro. You know I always wonder how Maureen and other women like her were so ahead in life. Then yesterday, I realized it’s because she has a mentor and a group of friends who cheer for her.”
“This is boring, man. I just want to watch the game.” My friend protested.
I wasn’t surprised by his reaction. Most of us tend to sweep things under the rug rather than address them. Seeing that he wasn’t interested in what I was saying, I decided not to persist.
However, it broke my heart to see how someone I considered a close friend didn’t care about my concerns.
I found myself wondering where we went wrong as men. Who said women were their own worst enemies? As far as I could see, they were their biggest supporters. It was men who were their own enemies.
I remember an experience I had when I was still optimistic about becoming a published author. I reached out to several authors, three men and one woman, asking for advice on novel writing. It was only the lady who responded and she gave some very helpful tips that I still follow to this day.
I also noticed that most of the novels in the African literature section are written by women. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I’m happy that women are making big moves but at the same time, I can’t help but worry about the future of men.
“Why can’t men support each other the way women support each other?” I asked one of my female friends after she came to me with advice on how to invest her chama money.
“Do you guys even have chamas? I’ve never heard any of you say you’re making contributions.”
“I tried suggesting it the other day and my friends nearly stoned me.” I joked.
That was yet another friend of mine who had progressed in her career due to the mentorship of her fellow women.
While women are building their own networks and helping each other grow, men have hung on to the struggle. We have simply refused to evolve and it doesn’t seem like we’ll be doing so anytime soon.
Perhaps it’s the toxic notion that men who ask for help are viewed as weak or maybe men are simply too proud to be teachable. Whatever the issue is, we need to find a solution fast before men are left far behind that they can’t catch up. Nonetheless, seeing women win and make big moves is definitely a commendable achievement.
This fiction story is partly based on @XivTroy’s post.
Are women their own worst enemies? We don’t think so. Opinion: Women Are Their Own Worst Enemies? FALSE!
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