My ex spent the better part of our relationship complaining about how I never did anything nice for him. I was unemployed back then so I didn’t have money to buy him anything but I did what I could to show him that I loved him like sending him messages regularly and cooking for him. Ultimately, he left me for one of his workmates which destroyed me. However, I picked myself back up and focused on finding a job. It took me several months but I found one and my life finally got back on track.
For three months, my life was a routine. I would wake up, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to work, come back, eat dinner and sleep. It was monotonous but I was so excited to do that every day. However, I started to notice how quiet my apartment was and how cold my bed was but I still wasn’t ready to get back into the dating scene.
“Should I get a dog?” I asked a friend.
“Why?”
“My place is so quiet. I need to see movement and hear noises.”
“Why don’t you start dating again? It’s been more than a year since your last relationship.”
“I’m scared I’ll be humiliated again.”
“First of all, your ex was a living nightmare. Plus, you have money now. Just offer to take a guy on a date. At least, you can have more control of the situation if you’re paying for the date.” She suggested.
I liked the idea. I hadn’t taken a guy on a date and it sounded like it would be an interesting experience. Besides, men liked to be treated to dates too, according to my ex.
The first guy I asked out on a date refused to let me pay. I had explained to him that I would pay for the date but when we were about to leave, he placed a few thousand shilling notes on the bill and handed it to the waiter before I could say anything.
Just as I predicted, he felt like I owed him something since he had paid for the date. However, I managed to convince him that we would meet again later that week. I blocked him as soon as I got in the Uber. It was the same story with every guy I met. For almost four months, I kept going on dates and arguing with the guy about the bill.
I decided to tell one of my friends and work colleague, Andrew, about my frustration in the dating scene. He was always open-minded and I thought he could give me a solution.
“Why don’t men like it when women pay for a date? Is it because they know the woman won’t owe them anything after?” I asked.
He replied, “Most guys don’t want to feel like they’re the one being romanced.”
“So, how do I meet someone that will allow me to pay for a date?”
“I don’t know. There’s a friend of mine who might be willing to give it a try. Plus I think you two could get along.”He answered.
“Really? Set me up ASAP!” I said excitedly.
Despite my excitement, I didn’t have high hopes about meeting Andrew’s friend. I had met nearly all types of guys since I got back on the dating scene and they were all unwilling to let me pay for a date. The only option I had was to date a younger guy but I wasn’t ready to go to that level.
Andrew sent me his friend’s number and I reached out to him later that evening.
“Hi, Jeremy.” I messaged him.
“Hi, who’s this?”
“I’m Maureen. I got your number from Andrew.”
“Oh yeah, he told me about it.”
We chatted for a while before I asked him if he would like to go on a date.
“Sure, I’d love to get to know you more in person.”
“Great. It’s on me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want to treat you to a date.”
“Oh, sure. That’s generous of you.”
“It’s my pleasure.”
We met on the weekend at a restaurant. I got there earlier to tell the waiters not to accept Jeremy’s payment. It hadn’t worked before but I came up with another plan.
“Tell him that the card machine isn’t working and he has to pay with cash. I know he won’t have cash.” I told the waiter.
She accepted and left. Jeremy came a few minutes later and he looked like a snack. He was exactly my type just as Andrew had promised.
After exchanging pleasantries, the waitress brought a menu for us and waited for our order.
“I’ll have grilled fish fillet and French fries,” I said.
“Okay. What about you, sir?”
“I’ll have pepper steak and fries.”
“What about drinks?”
“I’ll have a glass of red wine.”
“And I’ll have a mojito.”
The waitress left after taking our orders and then returned shortly after with the drinks.
We were having a good time, talking about our life experiences. I even opened up to him about the challenges I’ve had finding someone comfortable with having a woman pay for a date.
“I have to be honest. Now that I’m here, I feel guilty about letting you pay.” He confessed.
“Don’t start. I want to pay.”
“I know, but it’s a new thing for me. Plus, these prices are quite high. I would feel so bad if I let you spend that money.”
It was a bit disappointing when he revealed that he wasn’t comfortable letting me pay for the date. However, I was determined to make it happen even though it meant that we wouldn’t go on another date.
The waitress stuck to the plan and I watched as Jeremy panicked looking through his wallet.
“It’s okay. I’ll pay.” I said as I placed the cash on the bill and handed it to the waitress.
“I’m going to pay you back.” He said, still in a panic.
“Relax. It’s not a big deal.” I replied.
However, Jeremy wasn’t himself for the rest of the night. He looked sad, almost defeated. I had to cut the date short because we weren’t having fun anymore.
“I need to find an ATM so I can withdraw money.”
“You don’t have to refund me.” I insisted.
“I want to.”
We walked for almost 15 minutes looking for an ATM before finally getting one. I could see the relief on his face as he withdrew money. He then refunded me and we parted ways without saying much.
I tried reaching out to Jeremy but I could tell that he didn’t want anything to do with me. After that experience, I took another break from dating but I’m still determined to find a man who will be okay with me paying for dates.
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