Breakups can be heartbreaking. Leaving a relationship whether it was healthy or unhealthy is rarely easy and is often fraught with mixed emotions. Gnawing panic that you may have made the wrong choice is common. Sometimes there’s something to it while other times it’s just the fear that comes with having to let go of a relationship and be alone or start over. Here are some things to do if you find yourself on the regret end of things after ending a relationship.
Sadness doesn’t mean it’s a mistake
Dumper’s remorse refers to that lingering hope that things had turned out differently, even if you were the one who initiated the breakup. Just because you’re sad things have ended doesn’t mean you made a mistake, all it means is you’re mourning how things played out. Often at the end of a relationship we fixate on everything we’re losing, all those good times, forgetting all the negative things that led us here.
If you’re overcome with feelings of regret, ask yourself what it would be like if you got back together. Would the relationship be different or would you be dealing with the same issues? Make a list of the positive and negative qualities of your ex and see if the good outweighs the bad. Do the same for the relationship overall, was it a net positive to your life? Remind yourself why you ended things and if your partner did, think deeply about their reasons for doing so. Is there any merit to the reasons cited? Be honest with yourself.
Take time to reflect
Think about how you were in the relationship. Do you like the kind of person you were? Do you recognize any patterns with other past relationships? Take time to rediscover yourself as a single person. Do you miss your ex or do you miss being partnered? How are you really feeling? Is it regret or are you scared of facing this new future? If you’re certain you’ve made a mistake and don’t want to spend your life wondering, you can set up a meeting with your ex, to talk things through and see if they’re on the same page as you. Often people let their fear of rejection keep them from reaching out and letting their ex know they have significant regrets. If you think you made a mistake, gather courage and let your ex know.
Let time pass
There’s a reason time heals wounds is a cliché. It’s true. If you’re uncertain about whether you made a wrong choice, let time pass. In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, your emotions are far too heightened and may keep you from seeing clearly. Allowing a few weeks or even months to pass can give you clarity about whether or not it was the right choice. Don’t rush it and try not to make any big decisions about the relationship while things are still fresh. Force yourself to sit with the unease. It’s part of life. Don’t rush into anything for fear of sitting with the discomfort resulting from making a tough decision.
Signs your breakup was the right decision
- You grew apart and it’s been a long time coming.
- There’s nothing left to repair such as when your values are too different.
- For the most part, you feel an overriding sense of peace and relief.
- You’re more scared about what’s next than actually missing them’
Check out
Relationships: Common Lies You May Tell Yourself After A Breakup
7 Tips To Have An Amicable Breakup
Relationships: How To Recover From A Big Or Bad Fight With Your Partner
