I dated a workaholic for three years and it was hell. It felt like he was married to his work and every day, I had to fight for his attention. However, I knew exactly what I got myself into. When we were still in the talking stage, James would disappear for weeks without saying anything to me then randomly call me to let me know that he was working.
I found it annoying at first and I would tell myself not to entertain his behaviour but after some time, I would forgive him. Despite being a workaholic, James was a romantic and the few times we went on dates were magical. I fell so in love with him that I was willing to overlook his love for work.
After a few months, I moved in with him hoping that he would pay more attention to me than his work. However, this is where I found out just how much of a workaholic he was. He would travel for weeks and when he came back, he would stay in his office till late to work. Movie nights were futile even though he would agree to them.
“Can we watch a movie tonight?”
“Sure. Just tell me when you’re ready.”
He would come to the living room, spend the whole night on his phone then fall asleep and I was left watching alone. Still, I was willing to fight for the relationship since James was a good man. We wanted the same things in life and I thought his work was a temporary thing until he made enough money to fulfil his dreams.
For the first two years, I was patient. I took care of him and his home without complaining. In return, he made sure that I never lacked anything. It was a good arrangement but after some time, I got lonely. I wanted to go to sleep at night with my better half but James would be across the world most of the time.
“I don’t know what to do anymore,” I complained to my mum. “At times, he doesn’t reply to my messages for days. I don’t know if he has another family somewhere else and he’s not telling me.”
“Have you told him how you feel?”
“Of course but he always blames it on his work.”
“Just be patient. He’s a good man.”
“I’ve been patient for almost two years. What if I get pregnant and he’s not there for me emotionally?”
“Things will change.”
My mother didn’t want me to end the relationship and this was one of the reasons I stayed with James for three years. He would show up at her house with a trunkful of shopping and gifts any time he came back from his trips. How could she not love him? None of my other boyfriends had even gone to visit her let alone given her a single shilling yet this man did shopping for her every month.
I stayed with him and endured the loneliness but I was getting tired. Things had to change or I would lose my mind. Since we had been dating for nearly three years, I thought it was a good time to do an introduction to the whole family and start preparing for a wedding.
I thought James would be on the same page since we had the same plans and he also wanted to start a family with me. However, when I brought it up, I got a very different response.
“Babe, don’t you think we should do an introduction?” I asked.
“Not now, babe. I still have a lot to do. I told you that when things settle down we’ll get married and start a family.”
“It’s been three years and my family keeps asking when you’ll introduce yourself.”
“Let’s see how the following months go.”
The next few months were the worst. It was like I was living with my brother, not my boyfriend of three years. Our sex life was non-existent as James spent day and night working in his office. My efforts to take him away from his work even for a few hours were fruitless. He would come to bed in the dead of the night and wake up before me. I don’t think throughout our relationship James slept for more than 4 hours. I don’t know how he performed in his work but it definitely took a toll on our relationship.
The last straw was when he experienced a major setback in his work. We were finally about to go on our first holiday as a couple and start planning the introduction ceremony. Then, something at work went wrong. He had got a huge contract which he had been working on for months. Just as they were about to finalize the project, he noticed that there were so many errors in the work that they had to start all over again.
This was probably the worst thing that had happened to his work because he didn’t take it very well. I had never seen James that angry.
“This is going to cost me so much.” He explained.
“Don’t you think you didn’t notice the errors because you’re too exhausted?”
“No, it’s Mike’s fault.”
“Ever since I met you, all you do is work. You barely sleep, you don’t take any breaks and we don’t go out. I think we should at least go on holiday before you start the project.”
“I’m in the middle of a crisis and all you can think about is a holiday.”
“I’m just trying to help.”
“You’re not helping. In fact, you’re just stressing me out more.”
After that fight, I realized that I would always come second to his work. He loved his work more than he loved me. I wasn’t even sure whether he was serious about the relationship anymore since he had grown distant over the past few months. All the efforts I had made to build a relationship with him for three years felt like a waste.
No matter how much I wanted to give him another chance, I knew nothing would change and I couldn’t afford to waste any more time. We broke up but remained friends since my mother insisted that I check up on him. He’s still a workaholic two years after we broke up. For me, I tried dating but I wasn’t successful. However, I can’t get back together with James. I would waste my life waiting to start a family with him.
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