There’s this expectation that relationships should progress in a certain fashion that indicates how serious the people involved are. Here’s how it goes: after dating for a while, the couple moves in together or gets engaged and gets married then moves in together. Either way, if you’re serious you move in together at some point. Recently, someone asked for advice from the general public about moving in together with their partner. Here are some of the most popular things people had to offer them.
Don’t do it
One vocal segment of the internet is convinced moving in together is the wrong move. Living on your own, they insist is where it’s at.
DONT 💯 https://t.co/rKqe9tuYfu pic.twitter.com/2nGal9yX1Z
— Big Smiles (@Biggsmiless1) April 26, 2023
https://twitter.com/essfenty/status/1651359735717720065
Don’t do it 😂 https://t.co/AcAmnsbJ34
— Tamira 🫶🏾 (@_tamiramia) April 26, 2023
My best advice is Don’t. https://t.co/ErxfSc7xIk
— Tgoody (@_Tgoody) April 26, 2023
Don’t. Be neighbors https://t.co/MsuZb1Ha8Q
— ✨Lovely✨ (@ItsLovelyLaveau) April 25, 2023
Live alone first
There’s wisdom in living on your own first before moving in with someone if you have never lived alone before.
If you have never lived alone before, do that first (if possible). https://t.co/2lPMWta2HZ
— RAINEY (@RaineyOvalle) April 25, 2023
Never move in with somebody or let somebody move in with you for your first apartment. I advise you to live alone & learn yourself. https://t.co/EolNFSzf4q
— Champgne Mami (@keepnupwitju) April 27, 2023
Keep it real, living alone first is key…gotta learn to love living alone and learning more about yourself and what you can endure before living w your partner, who, you can end up on bad terms w and stuck living in that crib w them https://t.co/vmKVRgxz3x
— Lu (@SpizikeLu) April 26, 2023
If u never lived outside of yo parents home prior to movin in with a spouse… shit might go left real quick. Ppl needa build independent living skills fr https://t.co/VTLrXjR6Ye
— A$H • (@BaeAreash) April 26, 2023
Division of labour
One of the biggest sore points in relationships, when people live together, is the division of housework. This must be why many people suggest you agree on the division of labour beforehand to minimize friction. The way patriarchal society is structured leaves many women bearing the brunt of handling housework.
For women: don't let your partner slack on chores.
Weaponized incompetence is very real and it doesnt always start out malicious. A dish in the sink here, a boxer on the floor there, you keep cleaning up after them, and before you know it ur doing 95% of the housework. https://t.co/sdvwRNpkTF— Dr. Dream Girl🦋 (@AimaMoh) April 26, 2023
Don't be afraid to talk about specifics. Sit down and divide responsibilities into specific tasks and dont leave room for ambiguity. Be upfront when you need help. Don't be afraid to discuss money – again be specific. https://t.co/EyH4FnOlUE
— chang (they/them) (@batrisha__) April 27, 2023
Make a chore/cooking chart. Get a bed for a spare room incase someone needs privacy. **SPEND TIME ALONE** don’t be attached at the hip all the time. Set boundaries. Sleep with separate blankets. Have ear plugs on hand in case of snoring. Let your partner have their own space. https://t.co/T0yIjzYDbp
— Ross 🌈 (@RossThePuppyCat) April 26, 2023
Figure out an equitable division of labor. https://t.co/qmBESBAFQs pic.twitter.com/IeMUYDo3Qp
— Parenting Decolonized (she/her) (@prntgdcolonized) April 26, 2023
Spend time discussing roles and responsibilities for each – who’s in charge of financials, how are you dividing the households tasks, cooking, cleaning, etc. https://t.co/xjCnIlCnyj
— carlos🫡 (@_carlitosguey) April 26, 2023
Most boring shit ever but make a chores list initially of who does what. That includes who takes care of finances such as paying bills etc. Its such a simple thing but without it properly discussed it can become a habit thats hard to break after a while with disproportionate work https://t.co/s83Ag8jJkE
— Matzzacre ! Commissions open! (@matzzacre) April 25, 2023
About money
One key issue for many couples is coming to an agreement about how you will handle finances. Differences or disagreements about money are one of the leading causes of divorce so it makes sense to approach it with caution and the required seriousness. When considering moving in together, couples must talk about their finances way in advance to minimize conflict.
Sort out the money immediately and both parties need to have a sufficient move out fund. Also designate the chores. If you both hate doing dishes come up with a plan. https://t.co/9NxpgI7ejO
— 🩷 Rebekah Weatherspoon Book Updates! 🩷 (@RdotSpoon) April 25, 2023
Don’t get a place that y’all can only afford if both of y’all paying. If you can’t afford to live there if only one of y’all paying the rent then don’t sign the lease if y’all ain’t married. https://t.co/cARVvmRtro
— KASH BONE (@thisiskashmir) April 25, 2023
getting a studio unit with your partner truly is never going to let u decompress after a misunderstanding.
Please get a minimum of 1br – 2br if u can afford it. https://t.co/ETpxSYFFGo
— pixie 🍉 (@strawberriesoy) April 25, 2023
For the woman; make sure your name is on the deed of the house. https://t.co/rSdUI2RvSx
— Dami (@The_x_Dami) April 26, 2023
https://twitter.com/sparkly_mfer/status/1651229614000185346
– discuss how you're splitting the bills WAY ahead of time (& i'm not just talking about rent/utilities, things like groceries/furniture/etc)
– figure out who is in charge of what household chores
– try to get on a similar sleep schedule https://t.co/vc4jtfVPvT— ModernGurlz (@ModernGurlzz) April 24, 2023
Make sure both your names are on the lease, get a 2 bedroom if you can, initiate equal cleaning schedules, even though you live together still plan quality time outside of the house https://t.co/VfF6ovX9rF
— Rai ✨ (@pwincezRai) April 25, 2023
Be a couple for 2-3 years first before even considering cohabiting. Don’t get a studio unit, get a place someone in the middle of your former apartments. Make sure any one of you can afford an entire month’s rent in case an emergency happens (or you breakup). https://t.co/4quTVJPdw9
— hello si hubineer (@hubineer) April 26, 2023
make sure that you can afford to live by yourself in case something happens where y’all part ways. make sure to still have time alone and not be together 24/7. https://t.co/df314J4OYQ
— ρяiηcєss ღ (@AllEliteCheeks) April 26, 2023
Space is your friend
The majority of the responses touch on selecting the space you’re going to move into from suggesting each person have their room to caution against moving into the place one of you already lives at.
I’m with my partner for 6 years and we have separated bedrooms. We sleep together at night, but still have a space of our own. It’s important for mental health in my opinion. If not your own bedroom, at least a space that isn’t shared all of the time. Fights DO HAPPEN and you’re… https://t.co/lZXtiATfLm
— ⚜️CrowParade⚜️ (@CrowParadeArt) April 25, 2023
https://twitter.com/TaxBeast/status/1651090011574468615
https://twitter.com/yoshazzz/status/1650825103578636288
Don’t … or get your own room at least. Trust me … you’ll want your own space . I said what I said . Don’t @ me 🫶🏼 https://t.co/7t9iVkaEov
— Jessica Vanessa (@_JessiVanessa) April 26, 2023
Make sure there's two bathrooms or be ready for them to poop while you shower. https://t.co/6k2JbeZQUm
— Dhvrpicvs Delvxicvs! 🥔🐇 Ω (@UncleDhurpy) April 25, 2023
two bathrooms and an extra room.
learning the importance of decompress and to have some alone time (for you and your partner) while still knowing you want and need each other is such an important part of the relationship. https://t.co/kY0KHuisB7
— Sef (@sefloseo) April 25, 2023
HAVE YOUR OWN SEPARATE ROOMS!! https://t.co/1cRyWh6bmW
— T 🧁 (@sadxshawtty) April 25, 2023
https://twitter.com/frozenxmango/status/1650653808840818688
Y’all can sleep together every night but make sure you have separate rooms https://t.co/aB4wZfWIGZ
— Key ❤️ (@BossBitch_Key) April 26, 2023
https://twitter.com/shaaylitaa/status/1650868271523201026
Don't buy a 1 bedroom if you both work from home. I know finances very and obviously not everyone can do this but I think having your own space is crucial. You need to do things apart from each other. https://t.co/0e6c3VNJEj
— groupon lobotomy (@colleen_daves) April 24, 2023
Make sure that you have your own space for you to be in. You can love some one a lot but you still need YOUR SPACE.. to do the things you like alone. That may not be affordable at first but work up to it. https://t.co/18coPBYvqK
— Breana Navickas @ Looking for work (@breanimator) April 25, 2023
Pick a brand new place together and make it y’all’s space. Don’t move into somebody’s already curated space https://t.co/QJq1iPlWCg
— The Neighborhood Publicist (@nhoodpublicist) April 24, 2023
Don’t .. have your own space .. or if you do wanna move together still have your own space and own room . Have a joint account to pay bills together and only bills . Keep your extra money to yourself for you . Don’t forget about yo friends or social life outside of y’all . https://t.co/4U2ilmiuXZ
— CicitheGypsy🧞♀️ (@VoluptuousLiips) April 24, 2023
1. Get a place TOGETHER both names on it. Never move in to a place you can get kicked out of
2. If you can afford extra rooms, get them. Separate bathrooms are amazing.
3. If you’ve never seen how your partner handles and resolves conflict/high emotion situations DON’T DO IT https://t.co/VY5FuTqL5l
— ✨ (@Chaantellie) April 26, 2023
keep separate bathrooms and bedrooms. (and occasionally sleep separate!) have a place you can go where you can close the door that is not a shared space. not just for when yall fight but when you just wanna be alone in your own peace it'll do wonders https://t.co/bGSqmz52FC
— Ash Parrish (@adashtra) April 26, 2023
Create separate space to coexist without bothering each other or having to leave the house to get away https://t.co/suZaxwSyiX
— Kitty 🐱 (@BigKelss) April 25, 2023
Make sure y’all have separate rooms, u can still sleep together. Just have separate rooms!!! https://t.co/TmsoaSTtfK
— Ayo Tamz (@ayotamzzz) April 24, 2023
Living together isn’t the same as spending lots of time together. Just make sure you have your own lives and space still while intertwining with each other💕 https://t.co/VrGFg7AQxO
— Niff🫧⛓ (@niffbizkit) April 27, 2023
Prepare for conflict
There will be conflict. Prepare for it and work on your conflict resolution skills.
idc how much u love ur partner, this will happen:
they will absolutely eat the food u have been saving in the fridge and it will feel like biggest backstabbing EVER 😭 https://t.co/TJ00Jz7CB8
— pleo 🔜 TFS 🌵 (@pleoshep) April 27, 2023
https://twitter.com/pastaiils/status/1651658931226157059
Prepare to meet who your partner REALLY is. You’ll definitely see the bad and ugly, and discover if you can live with these flaws for the rest of your life. ALSO pls keep your independence by having your own me time / hobbies / interests https://t.co/se5VGzni4p
— 𐚁 (@kaypatricktayo) April 26, 2023
sometimes you'll get in an argument and suddenly realized you aren't arguing with your partner, you're arguing with some pain you've carried since childhood and it was never actually about the thing you thought you were arguing about https://t.co/M3wmOZne0P
— THE GOD EMPEROR OF GENDERFLUID PUSSY (@elizabreathe) April 24, 2023
When you're moving in don't prepare for the honeymoon phase. Prepare to fight. Prepare to bicker. Prepare to be irritated by things like spoons and shower curtains and timing. Prepare for it to be difficult to learn how to live with someone, even if they're you're favorite person https://t.co/8m532pH3Ft
— ℓαкєяѕ ∂ιѕ¢συяѕє α¢¢т ☏ (@Reese_eeee) April 26, 2023
https://twitter.com/alienchicdorit/status/1650605207494197249
About breaking up
Both parties should be prepared in the event of a break-up. A break-up may be the last thing you want but it happens so it makes sense to prepare… just in case, while working on your relationship so that it doesn’t play out that way. All relationships end whether through a breakup or death. Either way, it’s best to be prepared.
have an exit strategy for if you break up!! you don’t wanna be anywhere on that spectrum from “i can’t have people over bc i live w my ex” to like murder-suicide https://t.co/155Q8E3LcX
— larkin (@jeezcakefactory) April 26, 2023
Save money for break up and moving out. They are costly and time sensitive. If you break up, or get a divorce, you will not want to spend three months at the same place.
Have a conversation with your partner on who get what. Not saying you will, we just being realistic. https://t.co/LsJ0xDPYLj
— Saroarrr (@sara_nikka) April 26, 2023
Trial run
Have a trial run where you try to share each other’s space before you take the leap and move in together.
Make sure you've slept in each other's spaces alternately, before wanting to move in together. So you can understand the domestic behavior of your partner. All the little things that might irk or endear you.
Make sure you sit down and figure out the logistics of living together. https://t.co/fempC2wHTm
— Santi Obcena 🍉 🩷 (@santiobcena) April 26, 2023
Have sleepovers on the weekends first. Alternate between your place & theirs to see their different mannerisms when they're in their place of comfort vs yours. Then make your decision https://t.co/qQ6oqZb6Op
— kels (@honchohooch) April 25, 2023
dont be afraid to move out from with each other and try again later🙂 https://t.co/jyCJmDVFSw
— jazzmynejay (@jazzmynejay) April 25, 2023
Start short with a 6 month lease and don’t over commit to anything.
You may be ready to go after 90 days 😂 https://t.co/4dBiSWhChY
— Ty | The Marketing Bully (@MarketingBully_) April 25, 2023
Get married first gang
Enough people swear by getting married before moving in together for a variety of reasons including religion and statistics that suggest that people who cohabit have higher divorce rates. Most people seem to support cohabiting though, citing a variety of reasons including the opportunity to get to know your partner more before taking a step as significant as marriage.
I still don’t believe in moving in together unmarried https://t.co/qhx26OxlaD
— 32 Golds 🇩🇴 (@Diegosrovaf) April 26, 2023
Don’t….. unless you married. https://t.co/XC53jnrL5D
— Rondo Numba 9️⃣ (@AgentRondo_) April 26, 2023
Don't. Cohabitating before marriage increases divorce rate it's a proven statistic ask me why. https://t.co/WsPxuPFHJc
— God's Pet 🐍 (@GodsPet144) April 25, 2023
DONT wait until marriage. moving in together helps you know the person on an entirely different level. you’re gonna find out what you dont like about them, you’re gonna learn how they work, you might even fight a lot. better to know them like that first before really committing https://t.co/86z8AOAWJT
— ayana | 🫀 VGEN COMMISSIONS OPEN 🫀 (@aeyochi) April 25, 2023
https://twitter.com/jennamaebbaby/status/1651346273490837508
You don't really know a person until you've lived with them. Until then, you're interacting with their representative. Mutual patience and understanding goes a long way as you get used to living with each other. https://t.co/FqiLQ8k4uJ
— Danellos 🌘 (@ShepDanellos) April 25, 2023
https://twitter.com/mara_marinara/status/1650772343600431105
Do it. You need to see your person in every state. Mad, sad, anxious, confused, hurt…etc. You don’t know someone UNTIL you live with them. That’s when it’s mask off and you get the real deal. 🎭 https://t.co/meId6FSENA
— M•A•C (@A_Mack011) April 27, 2023
Mix
Liking your partner is far more important than loving them. https://t.co/6Z0lZgQehE
— What’s The Move? (@TaqeeBond) April 25, 2023
Don't follow stereotypical heteronormative choices. Divorce and separation rates are astronomicaly high so what they do doesnt work.
You are 2 individuals coming together to live a life together. Living together is team work and your partner should be considered an equal.
— Bearlet in a Bucket 🔜 Back Surgery (@RyneBearlet) April 25, 2023
Be individuals. You don't have to do everything together. Have your own friends. Give each other space. Go to bed when you're tired, not when they are. https://t.co/DzQEQFhE9K
— Estradiol-Stained Invisalign (@NotTooDeer) April 25, 2023
And just because y’all live together doesn’t mean dates and spending time together doesn’t exist anymore…. STILL make time for each other. https://t.co/fIEVgWJTqy
— Scottie (@ScottieBeam) April 25, 2023
Discuss these things
-Roles and responsibilities
-What guests are allowed (when and how many)
-Schedules and pay
-What happens if you break up
-What happens if money is low
-Current finances
-Personal beliefs/cultural differences
-Meals
-TempsThese are starting points https://t.co/3q98gj7Mhs
— PAPA Rose 🥀 (@GoldenChild_IV) April 26, 2023
It’s a learning process living with someone so try not to associate those pains with relationship issues https://t.co/yb2WaaZxyO
— Mrs. Diditfirst (@badgalariiii) April 25, 2023
Compromise when decorating so both are equally represented in the home. https://t.co/sAkIePf8Pi
— Evil Morty 🧪 (@MsDajahbelle) April 24, 2023
•Get your own bedrooms
•learn to accept and be willing to always learn how your partner operates
•sacrifice a little not a lot
•do NOT over saturate each others love languages in attempt to “fix” things
•pay very close attention to each other’s body languages https://t.co/YqCxLtmQD6— Ducky Sensei (They/He) NSFW (@Duxklord) April 27, 2023
In closing
This changes everything
It doesn’t matter how long y’all been together, this right here is a whole new start to your relationship. https://t.co/N5fZOUislB
— $Kev (@Kevitooo__) April 26, 2023
Check out
7 Expenses To Consider Before Moving Out
