When it comes to sex, spontaneous jump-your-partner sex is the gold standard. Scheduling is seen as this thing boring, and older couples with children who just have no time are reduced to. It’s for people who no longer have that spark that makes couples jump each other’s bones in the heat of passion. This is far from the case. Scheduled sex can be hot and romantic and can even bring back that spark and excitement. Here are some benefits of scheduling sex.
Builds anticipation
Scheduling sex gives you something to look forward to. It builds anticipation which can be its own foreplay. Scheduling can be its own intimate form of seduction and foreplay. If you combine this anticipation with something like sexting during the day, telling your partner how much you’re looking forward to it, maybe what you’re going to do to them and inviting them to tell you what they’d like, both of you will likely be rearing to go when the festivities begin in earnest.
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Prioritizing intimacy
We schedule important things and make sure we set aside time to get them done. We make sure to prioritize them. Why not do the same with something as important as nurturing intimacy in our relationships? Scheduling sex can signal to your partner that you value them and the relationship and are setting aside time just for them. This can further strengthen your intimacy.
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More pleasurable
Scheduling sex leads to better sex overall. First of all, you’re both on the same page mentally, physically and emotionally. Second, when you are intentional in advance about sexual intimacy, it becomes more than just a few minutes in the bedroom. You have so much more time and can make it a whole event. You both plan and are focused on each other. Then there’s the extra pleasure that comes from the build-up of anticipation as the day nears. Plus, planning in advance means talking about it which means you can even get a chance to try out new stuff, further enhancing the pleasure.
Improved communication
In order to schedule sex, you’ll need to talk about your relationship and in particular your sexual needs and desires. Talking about it can lead to a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and desires. It can also improve communication in the rest of your relationship. If you can talk about something as intimate as your sexual needs and desires, you should be able to talk about the rest of the stuff.
Reduced stress and anxiety
Scheduling sex can be especially beneficial for couples who have anxiety around initiating sex because of fear of rejection or even as a side-effect of growing up in a society where sexual talk is taboo. Scheduling makes sure everyone knows when things are going, which can decrease the stress and anxiety that comes with trying to find a way to initiate or regularly plan seduction.
More frequent sex
The spontaneous group may look like they have more sex but they don’t. Leaving it to chance is unlikely to result in more sexual engagement. Scheduling sex in prioritizing moments of intimacy can have the great side-effect of leading to more sex.
Jumpstart sex life
For couples who have been on a dry spell, for whatever reason, scheduling sex can be a great way to get back on track. The anxiety and awkwardness that comes from being intimate again after a long stretch can make couples put it off even longer. Scheduling sex is a sign of mutual agreement to end the drought and is a way to beat the anxiety, giving each person time to mentally prepare which can improve the likelihood of success.
Other considerations
The advance notice courtesy of scheduling sex can be especially beneficial for people who take longer to get aroused have anxiety, use medication that causes side effects or use viagra or vaginal cream before sex.
There’s a place for spontaneity, but there’s value in being intentional about setting aside time exclusively to focus on each other and nothing else, in an act that says you’re not leaving your intimacy to chance. Talk to your partner about it, agree on a time that works for both of you and try it out. Make sure you actually write down the agreed time and if you need it, add notifications. If it goes well, schedule more sex dates, and talk about what you want from them, more sex, deeper intimacy or to try something new. Whatever it is, make sure you’re on the same page, set a time, and action.
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